As survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse (CSA), recovery is a deeply personal journey, but one of the most powerful forces that can help someone on that journey is the support of a community. The sense of belonging and the shared experiences within a community can provide the strength, hope, and encouragement needed to push through difficult moments. The Need for Connection Humans are inherently social creatures. We thrive in environments where we feel accepted, valued, and understood. This need for connection is no less important during healing. In fact, for many, it’s the foundation on which true healing is built. When someone is struggling with the symptoms of trauma as a survivor of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) isolation often creeps in. The shame, guilt, and fear that come with these challenges can make individuals feel alone in their battle. The idea that no one else understands can lead to feelings of hopelessness. However, when someone enters a supportive community, they quickly realize they are not alone, and that’s a powerful shift. The Transformative Power of Community At The Gatehouse, the transformative power of community is nothing short of awe-inspiring. Witnessing survivors tear up when they hear the words “I believe you” underscores the immense strength it takes to fight for oneself, especially when they’ve been denied that belief by those who were meant to protect them. The journey to trust themselves, to open up to the support group process, is truly an honor to witness. Here, survivors realize they deserve better and are willing to do the work of moving from isolation, fear, and shame into connection, love, and joy. While simply showing up is the first step, the real work begins when people engage deeply with the community, and what’s even more remarkable is their determination to continue doing this work time and again. Starting something new is overwhelming for anyone, but for those walking up the five front steps of The Gatehouse—steps many describe as the hardest to take—it’s a courageous leap toward healing. What’s even more inspiring is that many who take that leap go on to thrive, some eventually becoming facilitators themselves. Community begets community, and in this shared space, we learn from one another. When one person steps into their power, it inspires others to keep going, showing them that they, too, can reach that place of empowerment. Witnessing the breakthroughs and successes of others, and celebrating those moments together, is a powerful reminder that no one is ever alone in their struggles or triumphs. This collective strength builds trust and reminds everyone that their worth is not tied to the easy times—they are always supported. A recent event at The Gatehouse that epitomizes community, has been participants creating an aftercare group to continue supporting one another, even after their formal group had ended. This is a true testament to the lasting impact of love, care, and community. The Importance of Community Whether here at The Gatehouse, or other peer-based programs, the importance of community in the healing journey cannot be overstated. When individuals find a place where they belong—where their experiences are validated, and their progress is celebrated—they gain the strength and courage to continue their journey. In these communities, healing becomes not just a personal endeavor, but a collective one. Together, people rise. If you or someone you know is embarking on a recovery journey, remember that reaching out to a community can be a powerful step toward healing. Stories of recovery are stories of hope, and often, they are stories of belonging. For more information about our peer support group programs, please visit https://thegatehouse.org/programs-and-services
7 Trauma-Sensitive Activities to Foster Connection
As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse (CSA), stepping into the world can sometimes feel overwhelming, unpredictable, and even unsafe. The idea of socializing or trying new activities may bring up feelings of uncertainty or hesitation. However, connection—whether with others, nature, or creative expression—can be a powerful part of healing. Building meaningful connections doesn’t have to come with pressure or high expectations. There are many ways to engage with the world in a way that feels safer, and empowering. Below, we’ve outlined a variety of activities designed to help you nurture yourself and foster connection in low-stakes, supportive environments. Whether you’re looking for gentle movement, creative expression, or opportunities to meet like-minded individuals, these seven ideas provide a starting point to explore connection in a way that aligns with your comfort and pace. 1. Volunteer for a Cause That Feels Safe & Meaningful Giving back can be a powerful way to build connection without the pressure of deep personal interactions. Choose a cause that aligns with your values—whether it’s helping animals, planting trees, or assisting in a community pantry. Even if you don’t form immediate friendships, the work itself can be deeply fulfilling and help combat isolation. 2. Join a gentle, structured social group Joining a trauma-informed art class, writing workshop, or music circle allows you to express yourself in a non-verbal, safe, and healing way. Creative activities can be social but low-pressure, letting you connect with others without needing to share personal details. Consider spaces designed for quiet, shared experiences, such as a book club, meditation group, or gardening project. These allow for companionship without the expectation of deep personal sharing, making it easier to connect at a pace that feels safe. 3. Move Your Body in a Way That Feels Comfortable Physical activities like gentle yoga, nature walks, or dance can help regulate the nervous system while offering a chance to connect with like-minded individuals. Look for trauma-informed yoga or mindful movement classes where the focus is on body awareness, not performance. As healing is a personal journey and everyone moves at their own pace, you might prefer activities that offer more structure and social engagement. If you’re ready for a slightly more dynamic yet still low-pressure experience, joining a recreational sports league can be a great way to build camaraderie, develop skills, and enjoy social connection in a supportive environment. 4. Try the Smiling Experiment If social interactions feel overwhelming, start with a low-risk, high-reward activity: go for a walk and smile at as many people as you feel comfortable with. See how many smiles you receive back. Small, positive interactions can help rebuild trust in others while boosting your mood. 5. Send a card or write a letter Mail a handwritten card to a trusted family member, friend, or mentor. Writing can be a way to express connection without the pressure of a real-time conversation. A simple “I appreciate you” or “Thinking of you” can strengthen relationships and remind you that connection exists, even in small moments. 6. Connect with safe, familiar people If meeting new people feels overwhelming, start by deepening existing safe relationships. Invite a trusted friend or loved one for a simple, no-pressure activity like having coffee, watching a favorite show together, or visiting a quiet park. 7. Engage in an Online Supportive Community If in-person socializing feels like too much, online CSA survivor-friendly spaces (such as moderated peer-support groups or creative forums) can be a stepping stone to connection. Look for groups where engagement is optional, allowing you to participate at your comfort level. Remember, connection is a powerful part of healing. For more information on our peer supported programs check out https://thegatehouse.org/programs-and-services
Finding Your People: How to Build a Support System That Truly Cares
Written by: Erin Alexandra When we experience childhood sexual abuse (CSA) trauma, shame and guilt can take hold, influencing our actions and shaping how we see ourselves. These emotions often lead CSA survivors to withdraw, making their worlds feel smaller while the voice of shame grows louder and more dominant. Connection, however, fosters healing: Community acts as the earth, air, sunshine, and rain—nourishing us so that, like plants, we can grow and thrive. In safe, supportive spaces, we see our best qualities reflected in us. Through connection, we find validation and affirmation, and over time, our choices become guided by joy and fulfillment rather than fear and self-doubt. How then, do we move from isolation to connection when shame and guilt foster distrust? How do we build a support system? What we focus on expands—so rather than scanning for red flags to avoid, let’s intentionally seek out green flags, the qualities in people and relationships that foster trust, and safety. Signs of Trustworthy Behaviour Trusting after trauma can be challenging, and it can take time. Sometimes, we need to re-learn to trust our instincts. These are a few green flags to look for in people to help you remember that you deserve to be treated with love and respect. Respect for Boundaries A trustworthy person understands and respects your boundaries without pushing, questioning, or making you feel guilty. They listen when you express your needs and never pressure you to go beyond your comfort level. Likewise, when someone sets boundaries with you, it’s not a rejection—it’s an effort to maintain a healthy and respectful relationship. (Acceptance of your boundary, they don’t punish you for the boundary, adhere to the boundary, and clarify any confusion around the boundary) Actions Align with Their Words The saying ‘actions speak louder than words’ is a cliché for a reason. It’s easy to say the right thing, but true integrity is shown through follow-through. When someone’s actions align with their words, it reflects not just honesty, but also respect—for themselves, for you, and for what they say. This consistency builds a foundation where trust can grow naturally Reliability For CSA survivors, reliability is more than just keeping promises—it’s about creating a sense of safety and stability in relationships. When someone repeatedly lets us down, it can reinforce the fear that trusting others will only lead to disappointment. A reliable person, however, demonstrates through their actions that they are consistent, trustworthy, and safe. For CSA survivors, a reliable person provides reassurance that not all relationships are unpredictable or unsafe. Over time, their consistency can help rebuild trust, making it easier to form connections without fear of abandonment or betrayal. This looks like: Respecting commitments, emotional consistency, taking responsibility, and respecting your space. Empathy For CSA survivors, empathy is more than just kindness—it’s a crucial sign of emotional safety. A person who exhibits empathy listens without judgment, acknowledges your feelings, and respects your experiences without trying to fix, question, or minimize them. They understand that healing is not a linear process, and that trust is built over time, not demanded. For CSA survivors, genuine empathy fosters a sense of safety and trust, making it easier to engage in relationships without fear of being judged or misunderstood. It reassures you that your feelings and experiences matter, allowing space for healing at your own pace. This looks like: Active Listening; emotional validation; support without pressure/understanding that you know what’s best for you Good Communication For CSA survivors, clear and honest communication is essential in building safe and trusting relationships. Not everyone finds communication easy, but a trustworthy person tries to express their thoughts and feelings in a way that is honest, respectful, and considerate of your experiences. Even if they struggle, they are willing to learn, listen, and improve, ensuring that misunderstandings don’t become barriers to connection. For CSA survivors, honest and compassionate communication fosters emotional safety, making it easier to trust that your voice matters and will be met with respect. This looks like: Speaking with honesty, not harm; listening to understand, not just respond; clarity and consistency; and willingness to grow. Supportive For CSA survivors, supportiveness is more than encouragement—it’s about creating a space to share your growth, struggles, and successes without fear of judgment, comparison, or competition. A truly supportive person uplifts and validates your experiences, celebrating your achievements wholeheartedly while understanding that your healing and progress do not take away from their own. For CSA survivors, true support fosters a sense of trust, safety, and belonging. It reinforces the belief that healing and success are not solitary journeys—we rise together, in relationships built on mutual respect, understanding, and encouragement. This looks like: They show up in triumphs and challenges; they encourage rather than overshadow; support is mutual and respectful. Compassionate Accountability For CSA survivors, accountability can be a deeply complex issue, especially when past experiences have linked mistakes with shame, punishment, or fear. In healthy relationships, accountability is not about blame or control—it’s about learning, repairing, and growing together in a way that fosters safety and trust. Compassionate accountability means acknowledging harm without reinforcing shame. When someone expresses their hurt while remaining open to working through the issue, they demonstrate both respect and trust. This creates space for honest conversations, where mistakes can be addressed without fear of rejection, abandonment, or emotional retaliation. For CSA survivors, compassionate accountability builds relationships rooted in trust and emotional safety. It allows for honesty without fear of abandonment and creates a culture where growth is nurtured through mutual care rather than fear or punishment. This looks like: Mistakes are opportunities for growth, not weapons for shame; Accountability fosters safety, not fear; Repair is prioritized over perfection; Boundaries and respect guide the process Healing doesn’t have to be a journey walked alone. If you or someone you know is a CSA survivor, we encourage you to reach out and connect. Whether it’s through a support group, a trusted friend, or The Gatehouse community, there is strength in togetherness. You
The Transformative Power of Setting Goals for CSA Survivors
When you set goals, you’re doing more for yourself than you might realize. For CSA survivors, goal setting can play a pivotal role in the healing journey, positively impacting mental health, self-esteem, and resilience. It’s about taking control of your narrative, one step at a time, and creating a future that aligns with your values and dreams. Let’s explore how setting goals can help transform your life and well-being: Self-Esteem & Identity Achieving a goal reinforces your belief in your abilities. For CSA survivors, this can be an empowering reminder that healing and progress are possible. Working toward goals allows you to learn new skills or strengthen existing ones, fostering a sense of accomplishment. Each success builds confidence and motivates you to tackle more. The small wins matter—they remind you of your strength and determination. Goal setting invites reflection, helping you identify your strengths, acknowledge areas for growth, and connect with your personal values. Whether it’s pursuing education, trying a new hobby, or making connections, goals encourage exploration, which can be deeply healing. Mental Health Clear goals offer direction and focus, reducing the overwhelm that often accompanies healing. By prioritising what matters most, you can channel your energy into meaningful progress. Accomplishing goals releases dopamine, enhancing feelings of joy and satisfaction. For survivors, this sense of achievement can be particularly significant as it rebuilds hope and pride in oneself. Healing isn’t linear, and setbacks are part of the process. Goal setting teaches problem-solving, perseverance, and the ability to rebound from challenges. Each step forward equips you with the tools to handle future obstacles with greater confidence and patience. Relationships Personal growth through goal setting can improve communication and empathy, helping to build or rebuild meaningful relationships. Setting shared goals with trusted loved ones—like attending a support group, engaging in a wellness activity, or volunteering—encourages teamwork and strengthens bonds. As you achieve your goals, you serve as a role model for perseverance and determination. Your journey can inspire others to pursue their own paths of healing and growth. A Path to Transformation For CSA survivors, achieving goals is about more than ticking boxes—it’s about reclaiming agency over your life and embracing the possibilities of a brighter future. Each goal, big or small, is a step toward transforming your circumstances, reshaping your self-perception, and discovering new joys in life. Which of these benefits resonates most with you?How do these align with your “why” for healing and growth? Your goals are more than just milestones—they’re a testament to your resilience, strength, and commitment to becoming the person you want to be.
Understanding Shame: How Does Shame Affect Me?
Understanding Shame: How Does Shame Affect Me? Written by: Brooke Byers, Social Service Work Diploma, Previous Practicum Student at The Gatehouse Understanding shame is crucial in understating its impact on individuals who have experienced childhood sexual abuse (CSA). Shame is not just a fleeting emotion; it can deeply infiltrate one’s psyche, influencing various aspects of their life. Firstly, shame can manifest as self-blame, where survivors internalize feelings of responsibility for the abuse they endured. This self-condemnation can be relentless, leading to a persistent sense of guilt and worthlessness. Survivors may struggle with feelings of embarrassment, stemming from their inability to prevent or stop the abuse despite their efforts. This embarrassment can be paralyzing, affecting their ability to trust themselves and others. Low self-esteem often accompanies shame, creating a vicious cycle of negative self-perception. This cycle perpetuates feelings of inferiority, making it challenging for survivors to break free from the grip of shame. Consequently, they may find themselves in situations that reinforce their negative beliefs about themselves, further perpetuating their sense of inadequacy. The toll of shame extends beyond psychological realms, affecting physical health as well. Survivors may suppress their pain as a coping mechanism, leading to exacerbated psychological issues such as PTSD. Moreover, shame has been linked to physical ailments like chronic pelvic discomfort, irritable bowel syndrome, and fibromyalgia, highlighting the interconnectedness of mind and body. Shame also infiltrates intimate relationships, complicating sexual and interpersonal dynamics. Survivors may associate shame with sexual desire, leading to difficulties in forming healthy sexual relationships. Moreover, shame can hinder their ability to trust and connect with others personally, as they fear judgment and rejection. In relationships, survivors may struggle with disclosing their abuse, fearing how others will perceive them. This fear of judgment can isolate survivors, preventing them from seeking support and understanding from their loved ones. Additionally, survivors may internalize a belief that they deserve unfavorable treatment from others, further perpetuating their sense of unworthiness. In essence, shame resulting from childhood sexual abuse is a pervasive force that infiltrates every aspect of a survivor’s life. Understanding the profound impact of shame is essential in providing support and healing for survivors, as they navigate the complex journey towards reclaiming their sense of self-worth and healing from their trauma. As a CSA survivor, how many of the impacts of shame mentioned above do you feel that you identify with? References Home – victim support. (n.d.). Retrieved January 16, 2023, from https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/P2661CSA-survivors-shame.pdf
Childhood Sexual Abuse Healing – Emotional Regulation & Practices
Childhood Sexual Abuse Healing – Emotional Regulation & Practices Written by: Victoria Kong, Previous Placement Student, The Gatehouse Childhood sexual abuse (CSA) can have a wide range of effects in adulthood. Research shows that survivors of childhood sexual abuse can have serious and long-term impacts on their physical and mental health, along with their following sexual adjustment. It is notable that the experience of CSA and the negative emotional impacts can result in damaging a victim’s emotional reactions and self-perceptions. Under these circumstances, survivors of childhood sexual abuse may experience issues with trust. Affecting an individual’s ability to trust others or to perceive the world as being safe. Possible emotional impacts could include feelings of guilt and shame. In effect, assigning self-blame of which a victim may blame themselves or feel that the abuse was their fault. Furthermore, CSA survivors can experience low self-esteem, are prone to feelings of anger, and may find themselves engaging in dissociation in which a victim may disconnect from one’s own thoughts, feelings and memories. Survivors of childhood sexual abuse may also act impulsively and are more likely to self-harm and engage in negative coping strategies (Canadian Mental Health Association, 2013). It is important to provide the support for CSA survivors to address these negative thoughts and painful emotions that come from the trauma of the abuse. Discouraging negative coping strategies and instead work towards developing positive coping mechanisms, establish healthy boundaries in relationships, and to build trust. Developing emotional regulation skills is important in healing from CSA. “Emotional regulation refers to the process by which individuals influence which emotions they have, when they have them, and how they experience and express their feelings. Emotional regulation can be automatic or controlled, conscious or unconscious, and may have effects at one or more points in the emotion producing process.” (Gross, 1998, p. 275) Emotional regulation skills and techniques allow CSA survivors to engage in modulating responses triggered by emotions. The ability to manage, modify and utilize emotions in a way that is beneficial. Every day we experience both positive and negative feelings aroused by the environmental stimuli around us which could require a response or an action. Henceforth, emotional regulation involves (Chowdhury, 2022): Initiating actions trigged by emotions Inhibiting actions triggered by emotions Modulating responses triggered by emotions Emotion regulation skills can be taught and improved over time with practice. Some of the skills that we can learn to self-regulate our emotions are (Klynn, 2021): Create a space – give yourself time between what elicits an emotion (a trigger) and the response (an action triggered). Emotional Awareness – to notice how and what you are feeling. An example would be to realize the physical reactions you may experience. What body parts are you experiencing sensation in? Naming what you feel – to be able to name what you feel allows individuals to have some control. Ask yourself what you’d call the emotion that you’re feeling. Are you feeling sadness, anger, or disappointment? What other emotions are could you be feeling? A strong emotion that often is hidden behind others is fear. Accepting the emotion – realize that your feelings are valid and that emotions are normal and is a natural way of how we respond to the environment. Practice mindfulness – mindful awareness. Live in the moment and utilize your senses to see what is happening around you in non-judgemental ways. Furthermore, there are emotion regulation practices that help manage our emotions and contribute to building positive coping skills (Klynn, 2021): Identify and reduce triggers – look for factors, situations, and or patterns that arouse strong feelings. Being in tune with physical symptoms – bring attention and awareness to how you’re feeling. How you feel physically could influence how you feel emotionally. Which could possibly affect how you may perceive your own emotions (e.g. if you’re hungry). Consider the story you are telling yourself – utilize cognitive reappraisal. With absence of information, we provide our own attributions and fill in the blanks. Practices such as thought replacement or situational role reversal provides new and different perspectives (eg. replace thoughts of “My co-worker just ignored me” with “My co-worker might not have heard me because she/he was busy”). Which provides a wider perspective and allows individuals to react positively. Positive self-talk – find or speak words of positive affirmation. Practice Mindfulness – stepping back and observing the situation, not judging what is coming up for you, simply observe. Focus on breath. Make choice with how to respond to the situation in a way that will be helpful to you. References: Canadian Mental Health Association. (2013). Childhood Sexual Abuse: A Mental Health Issue. https://cmha.bc.ca/documents/childhood-sexual-abuse-a-mental-health-issue-2/#who Chowdhury, M. (2022, March 23). What is Emotional Regulation? + 6 emotional Skills and Strategies. PositivePsychology. https://positivepsychology.com/emotion-regulation/ Gross, J. J. (1998). The emerging field of emotion regulation: An integrative review. Review of General Psychology, 2(3), 271-299. Klynn, B. (2021, June 22). Emotional Regulation: Skills, Exercises, and Strategies. BetterUp. https://www.betterup.com/blog/emotional-regulation-skills
Creativity & Healing the Inner Child
Creativity & Healing – Exploring the Inner Child By: Umair Memon, Gatehouse Placement Student Addiction & Mental Health We spend three weeks on ‘Inner Child’ in the Peer Support Phase 1. As the sexual abuse took place when we were children, importance is given in exploring inner child work. This is an expansive topic and individuals can choose to spend considerable time doing inner child work outside of group as the three weeks can still not be enough for individuals. I wanted to discuss the connection between the inner child and the creativity that children pose. Not all of the inner child work has to be about the abuse. We explore ideas of what brought us joy in our childhood, ways we expressed our creativity, what we wanted to be when we grow up? What caught our attention as a child? Any music? Car? Toy? An event? A trip? Colors that attracted us or sounds? Maybe even familiar fond smells, like a fresh cone in an ice cream store? If you have made it too adulthood chances are that you have been able to navigate a whole plethora of situations and are here today. You are here. Against all odds, your wisdom has led you to be here, to survive. Amongst many of the darker situations we explore, we can also look with curiosity as to what was our ability to survive. Something must have gotten us through those dark times. Was it music? Cooking? A Sport? A friend? A pet? Exploring those connections that allowed you to make it here can tell us a story. In a lot of cases that’s where our creativity might be. As a child I was obsessed with a 99-piece generic Lego set. I would make and break countless houses, things over and over again. I loved the freedom and the joy of having the ability to make anything I wanted. This set stayed in a pink plastic bag. Those are all memories I have of my childhood playing with Lego. As an adult I have a few star war pieces that I have made and they occupy my time with something I enjoy. As an adult I feel playing with Legos has helped me envision different possibilities with physical spaces working previously in an industrial manufacturing. Allowing me to see or envision what would help to improve the flow or increase space in layouts. As an adult I also enjoy math and I am good with numbers. I find which also requires some form of creativity to solve problems. I can’t help but even envision a version of the Gatehouse where the ground floor larger bathroom and kitchen are opened up to a new wing keeping the integrity of the existing house but giving us more space for a number of different programs. I can’t help myself. If you look at the house from the outside, you will notice the side on the west has clear space before the trees begin. I think this would be perfect for an expansion. No body ask me to do this. It is something I explored on my own. We could even have a basement, maybe a glass façade to offset the heritage building. Possibilities are endless. Another way I tap into my creativity is with food. I think food has been a coping mechanism for me and now as an adult I have explored that by developing a passion for cooking. I find the allows me to express my creativity with ingredients and allows me to play with a number of different formulas to get the balance or flavor right. The formula seems mathematical and it might be, but it could mean anything, could be the technique of cooking, the size, the layering of flavors anything. Another reason food works for me is that just like with Lego allows me to work with my hands. I also feel with my recovery I have increased my capacity to be patient with myself and now find myself baking bread, which before I could not do as I had little or no patience. Oddly enough I remember the first time I cooked was being taken to a Japanese restaurant and sitting at the teppanyaki counter. I was so amazed and I tried to recreate that at home. If you feel comfortable, explore those memories that mesmerized you as a child with excitement, that held your attention and curiosity. Visit those in a safe space, see what it might be like to reconnect with those joys. This does not mean that all forms of creativity might translate in our adult life, but I do feel it might be worth looking into what made you happy as a child and trying to tap into that wisdom and be curious as to see how that might translate in our adult life.
How do I know my inner child needs healing?
How do I know if my inner child needs healing? Written by: Sienna Wallwork, Program Assistant, Bsc. Family & Community Social Services. (She/Her/Hers) The simplest way to explain the inner child is that it is a version of our past selves we still carry with us. Whether you have been aware of it up until now or not, we all have an inner child. Even if you do not feel connected to it, it is there. Your inner child can explain why you react to certain things the way you do. Many of us have inner child wounds, from various traumas we have experienced. There are a few tell-tale signs that your inner child is wounded (and luckily, there are many ways to start the healing process). It is important to listen to your inner child, and learn to love them properly. Many of these wounds come from a variety of sources. It can be anything from outright, obvious abuse to more subtle things that you may not have caught (such as emotional neglect or verbal belittling from those we were supposed to be able to trust). Additionally, a lot of us receive inner child wounds from society. Society often makes people (especially young, vulnerable people) feel like they must fit into a certain mold. When we don’t fit this, it can result in inner wounds. Now that we know what an inner child is and where these wounds can come from, what are the signs that your inner child is wounded? Here are some signs that you have a wounded inner child. The first sign is that when you are upset, you are speaking to yourself in a negative way. This happens because children are very sensitive; so it makes sense that your inner child can be just as sensitive. Similarly, since your inner child can be so sensitive, small things sending you spiraling can be a sign of a wounded inner child, since everything can feel so intense to a child. Other signs of a wounded inner child include constant seeking of validation, trust issues, and a part of you feeling unlovable. Citations Davis, S. (n.d.). The Wounded Inner Child. CPTSDfoundationorg. Retrieved July 29, 2022, from https://cptsdfoundation.org/2020/07/13/the-wounded-inner-child/
What questions should I ask my Inner Child?
What questions should I ask my inner child? Written by: Sienna Wallwork, Program Assistant, Bsc. Family & Community Social Services. (She/Her/Hers) It is important to try to connect with your inner child. This can help you understand yourself more, as well as understand where your behaviours and reactions come from. One good way to ask the following questions to your inner child (and have them answered), is to use a healing journal. A healing journal is a journal you will write these prompts/questions in, and have them answered as you write. It is important to keep in mind that inner child healing is a lengthy, and emotional process. At times it can be draining or even triggering. It is recommended to do this work with a solid support system around you, such as friends/partners/family, or even a therapist or counsellor to guide you. Before asking specific questions to your inner child, you can try to connect yourself to them by simply writing about memories from your childhood and how they made you feel. Once you have opened up this door to your inner child, start using these prompts to connect & uncover more about them. How is your inner child feeling currently? As a child, what did you always lack/were deprived of? What is your inner child afraid of? In what way is this affecting your life right now? If you could say anything to your inner child, what would you say? In what ways can you support your inner child now that you were unable to before? These prompts can help you feel more connected to your inner child, and they can start the healing process. It should be noted though that these can also be highly emotional prompts, so please remember to practice self care as you heal! References Vyas, N. (2020, August 20). 8 journal prompts on how to heal your inner child. Nikita Vyas. Retrieved July 26, 2022, from https://www.nikitaavyas.in/post/8-journal-prompts-on-how-to-heal-your-inner-child
Releasing Self-Blame from the Inner Child after CSA
Releasing Self-Blame from the Inner Child after CSA By Amy Tai, Community and Justice Services Diploma, Program Assistant Guilt, shame, and self-blame often manifest within survivors of CSA. Transferring accountability and blame from the abuser to the victim can lead to self-blame. The abuser makes the victim feel accountable for their acts by placing blame on the person they harmed as though it were their responsibility. Given that they are too young and helpless to defend themselves, children who have experienced childhood sexual abuse (CSA) frequently fall victim to this kind of deception. No matter what you feel you did or didn’t do or allowed or didn’t allow, you are never the one to blame for the abuse you suffered. A crucial step in the healing process for any survivor is to let go and release all self-blame, both toward their inner child and toward their adult self. Abusers are the only ones who can ever bear the guilt and shame of their actions. Since it was not your responsibility, you have no reason to feel guilty or ashamed. Unfortunately, releasing shame and self-blame is not always so simple. According to Dr. Brene Brown, people who lack the ability to empathize cannot experience shame. As a result, those who experience shame have the ability to manage it: “Empathy is the antidote to shame (Hess, 2013).” With this in mind, here are some ways you can try to release shame and self-blame: Give yourself empathy. Try talking about your shame with someone you trust. Even if you don’t feel there is anyone you can talk to, you can try journaling. Write down your feelings of shame and self-blame. The more you are able to talk about it, write about it, and stare it in the face, the less power it has over you. Take the time to address the self-blame and shame that your inner child carries around. Release them from that burden. Write a letter to your younger self explaining to them that it is not their fault, they are not to blame. Try reciting this mantra to yourself when you feel shame and self-blame starting to take over: It does not matter what I did or didn’t do. I was sexually abused because my abuser chose to abuse me. I am not to blame for the abuse. Through this process of unravelling the web of confusion surrounding guilt, shame, and self-blame, you will become aware of guilt and shame that have been passed on to you that you have internalized as your own. By doing this, you can redistribute this toxic guilt and shame to its rightful place: on the abuser and others who have harmed you. This allows you to take back control of reality and understand what really happened. Any crippling self-blame and shame no longer have a home in you. You are free to live your life to the fullest. References Hess, W. (2013, February 21). Empathy is the Antidote to Shame. Whitney Hess. https://whitneyhess.com/blog/2013/02/21/empathy-is-the-antidote-to-shame/#:%7E:text=Brown%20argues%20that%20shame%20cannot,are%2C%20%E2%80%9CMe%20too.%E2%80%9D