Importance of Community & Belonging Written By: Daniella Tucci, Previous Placement Student , The Gatehouse Childhood sexual abuse (CSA) is a very traumatic lived experience for people to hold onto for the rest of their lives. This type of abuse not only harms people physically, but as well leaves them emotionally scarred. Most often adult survivors struggle with feelings of isolation due to the impact of the abuse. Feelings of community, support, belonging, and trust may start to diminish as individuals isolate themselves from their environment around them. This then results in feelings of unworthiness and loneliness. These feelings of isolation stem from keeping the secrecy of the abuse. Perpetrators may do anything in their power to keep the abuse a secret to avoid consequences, which then puts the survivor in a difficult situation. The relationship between perpetrator and victim is most often power-over, which means it is built on force, coercion, domination, and control, and runs off fear. It is set on the idea that some people (the perpetrator) have power, whereas others (the victim) have none (Stuart, 2019). This relationship can result in the survivor feeling broken, unworthy, and unlovable, amongst other feelings. This power imbalance creates an emotionally draining environment for the survivor, which can lead to future feelings of isolation. CSA is also seen as a taboo topic making it uncomfortable to address, and even disclose. This unaccepting light shed onto an important global concern not only promotes silence in survivors but increases the chance of future abuse. To promote self-awareness as well as community awareness it is important to remind survivors that you are not alone. Although CSA is common, it is vital to remind survivors that this lived experience is not normal, accepting, or okay and what happened to them is not their fault. It has been found that 1 in 10 Canadians reported being sexually victimized before they turned 18 (Afifi et al., 2014). These numbers are disheartening, as a community it is important to highlight the use of one’s voice. By empowering and uplifting one another we can move survivors out of isolation to belonging. It is common for survivors to feel alone at times due to the abuse and relationship they had with their perpetrator. Feelings and thoughts of no one will understand me, accept me, validate me, and appreciate me are common after CSA. A big contributor to this is a lack of trust. Oftentimes trust is stripped away because of the abuse, and it is hard for survivors to rebuild that sense of trust later in life. Although, trust building is a crucial part of the healing journey. To move out of isolation survivors must have confidence in others to hold and honor their experience. Since each person’s story, experience, and coping mechanisms are different, the way in which a person seeks help can appear different as well. It is crucial to never force someone to share their story of CSA, we must accept and respect others’ boundaries and allow them to come forward when they are ready. In times where it is apparent that those around us need support or the motivation to seek help, it is important to lend them a helping hand and guide them down the right path. Overcoming feelings of helplessness, loneliness, and unworthiness require help from those around you, including professionals and loved ones (support systems). Seeking support is a big step, and it is not one you have to take alone. Finding agencies such as The Gatehouse help make starting a healing journey easier. At The Gatehouse we believe that no one should suffer in silence. To build a sense of community, we encourage survivors to share their voice and stories in a safe space where they can be heard. We validate each and everyone’s story of CSA, highlight that you are worthy and capable of moving forward, and help promote community and connections. When seeking support, a person needs to find a place where they can flourish, feel accepted, and not alone – and that is exactly what The Gatehouse offers. Embarking on a healing journey within a community atmosphere has its risks and benefits. Committing to a peer support group can cause feelings to arise, promote triggers and flashbacks, and cause a person to use unhealthy coping mechanisms. This is due to hearing and processing an abundance of information from the facilitators and participants. Although we highlight the risks, we as well highlight that you are not alone. Committing to a group at The Gatehouse provides a person with plenty of supports and resources. Participants learn they are not alone, and although everyone’s stories are different it is enlightening to know that they are not the only person with this lived experience. Making connections, sharing stories, and encouraging growth promote a sense of trust and community. By providing a safe environment where survivors can learn and grow together, it also creates a space where survivors can bond with one another. Peer support groups have an abundance of benefits and although we acknowledge the risks, we have seen a high success rate of healing with a community. Therefore, it is important to heal with a community since it provides support, resources, comfort, and trust that the survivor needs to process and heal from their trauma. Important Reminder: healing is not a linear process, and although some moments on your journey can feel isolating you must remember that you are never alone. Moving out of isolation can be hard, and overcoming unwanted feelings targeted at ourselves can be even harder. At The Gatehouse we promote sharing one’s voice and appreciate, respect, and validate each person’s story. By providing a safe, open, and inclusive space where survivors of CSA can come together to heal, we provide an opportunity to build a sense of community and belonging. Overcoming CSA does not have to be a process one embarks on alone. Through an empowerment approach The Gatehouse can offer a platform for all CSA
The Gatehouse: Transformation or Adult Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse
The Gatehouse: Transformation for Adult Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse By Stefan Horodeckyj, former group facilitator and former Director at The Gatehouse What is The Gatehouse? The Gatehouse, founded in 1998 by Professor Arthur Lockhart, is a unique community-based centre in Toronto that provides supports, resources, and advocacy on behalf of those impacted by childhood sexual abuse. It offers, among other things, three types of adult peer – support group programs: a phase1 peer- support group program for male survivors, and a phase 1 peer – support group program for female survivors; a co-educational phase 2 peer- support group program and an advanced co-educational phase 3 peer- support group program. The goal of these programs is to provide a forum where survivors can heal from the devastating trauma of childhood sexual abuse. In this article, I will focus on Phase 1, adult peer-support group programs. What is Childhood Sexual Abuse? Childhood sexual abuse “is the misuse of power by someone who is in authority over a child for the purpose of exploiting a child for sexual gratification. It includes incest, sexual molestation, sexual assault, and the exploitation of the child for pornography or prostitution”. (Rogers, 1990) The Gatehouse adult peer-support group program The seven principles of The Gatehouse adult peer-support group program are resilience, self-care, mutuality, encouragement, respect, safety, and responsibility. And, the topics discussed in Phase 1 peer-support group program include: from isolation to belonging; triggers; dissociation; flashbacks to grounding; anger and emotional regulation; addictions and relationship to abuse; the ‘inner child’; loss and grief; positive boundaries; shame and guilt; resiliency and the sacred path; and sexuality. Benefits of The Gatehouse Peer-Support Group Program At The Gatehouse, healing through the Phase 1 peer-support group occurs in three major ways: by addressing the emotional needs of the survivors; by teaching survivors important social skills, relaxation, and self-care coping techniques/tips; and by providing survivors with important information about childhood sexual abuse and support services contacts. The Gatehouse addresses the emotional needs of survivors The survivor has a need to feel empathy from others. Empathy means that other members, including the facilitators, show respect, caring, and compassion for you, as they walk with you on your healing journey. Empathy also comes from feeling safe in the presence of the other group members and by trusting them with your life story and feelings. The survivor has a need for empathic listening from others in the group. This means that others should: give their undivided attention; be non-judgmental; read the speaker (ie: observe the emotions behind the words); and not feel that they should have an immediate reply to questions and comments presented. The survivor has a need to have their “voice” heard. This is paramount since the voice is one of the first things that a child sexually abused is deprived of by the perpetrator. A survivor finding their voice means no more silence, secrecy, shame, and self-blame. This is the power of one’s voice! Finding one’s voice means that the survivor can express their feeling of anger, grief, shame, guilt, fears, and hopes. The survivor has a need to trust others. This is vital since trust is what the survivor had violently breached by the perpetrator, who is often someone they know. The survivor has a need to be connected. This is one of the basic human needs. Healthy connections with others define who we are, and provide us with emotional sustenance. The survivor has a need to feel safe. Peer-support groups that are experienced by participants as being emotionally non-threatening, provide the basis for developing trust and empathy, and a venue where survivors can find their voice. The survivor has a need to connect to the “inner child”. The inner child is the authentic or real self. In order to heal from childhood sexual abuse, the grownup adult must connect with the inner child’s fears, anger, pain, and sadness, and then to provide love and understanding to the inner child. The survivor has a need to feel self-empowered. This can occur when the survivor has positive self-esteem. When survivors realize that they are the best ones to ascertain their own needs and that they are not responsible for, or defined by their childhood sexual abuse, then they can bolster their self-esteem and become more self-empowered. Some survivors have a need to forgive the perpetrator. By doing so, they release negative feelings and energy that can impede their emotional healing. The survivor has a need to feel hope. Hope is achieved by realizing that healing from childhood sexual abuse is possible. Healing is a process that evolves in the group and continues outside of the group setting. The Gatehouse teaches survivors important social skills, relaxation techniques, and self-care coping skills/tips The Gatehouse provides a forum where survivors can learn and practice effective communication skills with other group members. As well, it provides a place where survivors can practice healthy personal boundaries with the other group members. Also, it provides a venue where the survivor can establish and practice respect and empathy for other group members. The Gatehouse teaches relaxation techniques such as grounding and breathing exercises and mindful meditation. Also, The Gatehouse teaches self-care coping skills/tips including ways of dealing with triggers/anger/grief/forgiving and personal boundaries. The Gatehouse provides survivors with important information about childhood sexual abuse and support services contacts Some of the information shared with participants by the facilitators during the group sessions includes stages of recovery; myths and facts about sexual abuse; common symptoms of sexual abuse; the relationship between anger, grieving, shame and guilt, addictions and childhood sexual abuse; suggestions for dealing with one’s sexuality; and instructions and suggestions on how to create a suicide safety plan. The facilitators provide participants with a list of addiction services available and a list of emotional/psychological support services available in the GTA. By way of a summary, the transformative nature of The Gatehouse Phase1, adult peer-support group program is succinctly captured in the testimony of a survivor who completed this program: