The Annual General Meeting for The Gatehouse will be taking place virtually on Zoom on Thursday, June 25th at 4 pm EST. Agenda Available Here Annual Report Here Financial Statements Here The following slate of nominees is presented to the Board of Directors for 2019 to 2020: For the 1-year term: Sabra Desai, Co-Chair Gigi D’Souza, Treasurer Jeanette Emery, Secretary Nilmini Perera, Director Lisa Crooker, Director Carol Smith, Director Mark Davidson, Director Please email Maria Barcelos, Executive Director to RSVP for the upcoming ONLINE AGM. A link will be emailed to you. We do not post meeting links online and share them with members only. We would like to see as many members attend as possible. You can join via the ZOOM app on your phone or computer. Membership is $10 per year. If you have not yet paid your membership fee for 2020, please go to http://thegatehouse.org/become-a-member/ to pay online using a credit card or PayPal.

The health and safety of our group participants, volunteers, placement students, and staff continue to be our priority.  All Gatehouse in person groups are cancelled until further notice. We continue efforts to respond responsibly to contain the spread of Coronavirus (COVID-19) and have moved many of our programs online using virtual group meetings. An intake is required prior to attending an online group. To schedule an over the phone or virtual video conferencing intake, please contact: Stephanie Alves at stephanie@thegatehouse.org for Phase 1 Evening/Day Groups   Paula Cordeiro at pcordeiro@thegatehouse.org for Partners Support /Young Adult Groups There is a form that potential group participants must complete as part of the intake process. Please click on—-> INTAKE FORM_The Gatehouse 2020 If you have completed a phase 1 group and wish to join a phase 2 group online, please contact me directly via email. There is a registration form for phase 2 that is required prior. You may download the PHASE-2- Registration Form here If you need crisis support, please contact Distress Centre: 416-408-HELP (4357) offers access to emotional support from the safety and security of the closest telephone. Callers can express their thoughts and feelings in confidence. Callers’ issues can include problems related to domestic violence, social isolation, suicide, addictions, mental and physical health concerns. The Distress Centre offers emotional support, crisis intervention, suicide prevention and linkage to emergency help when necessary.  Gerstein Centre: (416) 929-5200 provides crisis intervention to adults, living in the City of Toronto, who experience mental health problems. The service has three aspects; telephone support, community visits and a ten-bed, short-stay residence. All three aspects of the service are accessed through the crisis line. We hope to resume full programs and services in the near future and will update this page with details as they become available to us. We are following Public Health Authorities recommendations. As a charitable organization, we rely on your support to continue delivering much-needed peer support programs for survivors of childhood sexual abuse.  We need your support! CLICK HERE TO DONATE! If you have any questions, kindly contact me via email at mbarcelos@thegatehouse.org  Stay safe and healthy. We are all in this together. Maria Barcelos, MA[c], B.A. she/her/hers pronouns Executive Director 416-255-5900 x225 | http://thegatehouse.org/ 3101 Lake Shore Blvd. West, Toronto, ON M8V 3W8 Registered Charity with CRA #869730648 RR 0001 Please consider making a donation to help The Gatehouse The Gatehouse, a community based charitable organization that provides much-needed support, resources, and community to survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Survivors of sexual abuse are in desperate need of our support and services and The Gatehouse relies on the generosity of individuals, foundations, and businesses to fund and expand our creative programs including peer support groups, art therapy, wellness workshops, conferences, and the investigation support program. You can donate one time or donate monthly. Your donation helps to transform the lives of those victimized by childhood sexual abuse. Use the form below donate. Thank you for your support.

For some survivors, exploring the possibility of taking action against the abuser(s) is an important part of the healing process. Suing: Suing the perpetrator and possibly an institution that was responsible for the perpetrator sexual abuse can bring many benefits. In a civil case, a lawyer represents the survivor, called the plaintiff, can examine the perpetrator, called the defendant, to test the credibility of the perpetrator. Proving that the sexual abuse happened is also easier in a civil case than in a criminal case. A civil case can give compensation from a couple of thousand dollars to hundreds of thousands and maybe more. But, apart from the money, many survivors regain a sense of control of their life because they chose to bring the case and controlled the process where the perpetrator (and possibly institution) are held responsible for the abuse.  And, sometimes most importantly, there comes an acknowledgement that the survivor was believed and that it was not their fault. Civil cases also have a lot of cons. Not everyone who was abused can sue. While there is no time limit in bringing a civil case, there are still a lot of considerations as to whether the case can or should be started. Is there a prospect that the defendants will be found liable? Can the defendants even pay the damages? A plaintiff will have to tell their story to a lot of strangers and be cross-examination. The defendant will try to blame the plaintiff’s problems on everything other than the alleged abuse. A case can take many years to resolve and success is not guaranteed. And finally, the most important consideration is how will a survivor cope with litigation and the possibility of not winning. A survivor’s health and especially mental is paramount. Reporting to police: Going to the police is also a possibility. If seeing the perpetrator suffer being accused of a sexual crime and possibly ending up behind bars is important, then a survivor must go to the police as the criminal justice system is the only way to make this happen. The cons can be substantial though. The system is designed to give the accused every possible break during the case. They do not have to testify. The survivor must testify. They are represented by a lawyer while the survivor is not. Even if the accused is found guilty, the sentence may be very low, sometimes without jail time. Most importantly perhaps is that not guilty does not mean innocent. It only means that there was not enough proof. Technicalities can and do let guilty perpetrators go free. Both: Going to the police and suing can both be done, but, preferably not at the same time. None: Sometimes real power comes from knowing that a survivor holds all the options and can choose when and if to start the process that is right for them. There may be other possible options available to some survivors such as applying to the Criminal Injuries Compensation Board or the Human Rights Tribunal. Professionals such as lawyers and therapists can help a survivor decide what is the best and healthiest way to proceed. Every survivor makes their own choice and their choice is always the right choice.  Thank you Simona Jellinek , Jellinek Law Office, for your dedication and commitment to helping survivors. For more information about legal options for survivors of childhood sexual abuse, contact Jellinek Law Office at: Jellinek Law Office 43 Colborne St. – 3rd Floor, Toronto, ON, Canada, M5E 1E3 Phone: 416.955.4800 Fax: 416.972.1499 Email: info@JellinekLaw.com

Childhood Sexual Abuse – Shame & Guilt Dr. Brene Brown states that “…guilt is holding something we’ve done or failed to do up against our values and feeling psychological discomfort. She defines shame “…as the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging – something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection.” Shame includes statements like “I am bad.”  Survivors often share this and other examples of shameful self-attributions including “I am unworthy” “I am damaged” and “I am broken.”  These are individuals who have tremendous courage, capacity and empathy for others. They are mothers, fathers, brothers, aunts, grandparents, friends and professionals. Often, their positive attributes are minimized by them when speaking about themselves. Shame is writing that script. The profound sense of shame and guilt that permeates their daily life experiences as survivors repeatedly overpowers the potential for acceptance of self-affirmations to surface. Guilt – “I did something bad”. Often survivors will point out that they somehow caused the abuse to happen, they should have fought more or ran or told someone. Some hold onto the guilt of returning to the offender after being abused repeatedly.  Such guilt statements are often reinforced by unhelpful societal responses of “Why didn’t you tell someone?” “Why are you coming forward now?” “Are you sure that happened he/she/they were such a nice person; they could never do something like that?” or “what do you think people will say about our family if they knew about this?” Survivors attending The Gatehouse peer support groups are invited to share about their experiences surrounding shame, guilt and vulnerability. Often survivors disclose self-blame, intensified guilt, and a deep sense of unworthiness.  Many survivors had led lives riddled by shame and guilt towards themselves and other experiences in the aftermath of childhood sexual abuse that they fear trying new things, they overthink and question themselves and others’ intentions in friendship and professional experiences. How then do we unravel shame? How then do we deal with guilt? Let’s start with telling survivors that we believe them. For survivors reading this, you are worthy, and healing is possible.  You were a child and it was not your fault. “Thanks so much in helping me find the strength that I need to carry on in life, to start loving life, my family and most importantly myself.” – Program Participant The Gatehouse can only help survivors of childhood sexual abuse with the generosity of our donors. Every donation makes healing for survivors. $20 per month can make all the difference. Donate today. By: Maria Barcelos, MA, BA, ASIST, Executive Director The Gatehouse Please consider making a donation to help The Gatehouse The Gatehouse, a community based charitable organization that provides much-needed support, resources, and community to survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Survivors of sexual abuse are in desperate need of our support and services and The Gatehouse relies on the generosity of individuals, foundations, and businesses to fund and expand our creative programs including peer support groups, art therapy, wellness workshops, conferences, and the investigation support program. You can donate one time or donate monthly. Your donation helps to transform the lives of those victimized by childhood sexual abuse. Use the form below donate. Thank you for your support.

Samantha Was Only 4 Years Old When She Was Abused Trigger Warning: The following story contains sensitive and potentially triggering details pertaining to experiences of childhood sexual assault. Names in the following lived experience story have been changed to protect those impacted by this trauma. Samantha was 4 years old when her babysitter of 14 and her babysitters’ friend asked her to go into the tent which was set up in the backyard. Samantha was thrilled to be invited to hang out with the big girls. When they asked her to engage in oral sex, Samantha never questioned it. She thought it was a new game. After all, how much does a 4 year old know about sex? Samantha had never been educated about boundaries or inappropriate touching. Samantha says she can still see the images in her head of what happened that day. She also recalls that the tent was canvas and had at least 4 people inside. This was the start of a trauma that would impact that 4-year-old girl for the rest of her life. As a middle-aged adult, Samantha can recall the encounter in the tent. She also says that she had thought that her older brother must have also been abused. He and his friends used her for sexual gratification, which she recalls started at age 10. Samantha explains that she put a stop to it when she was around 13 years old by threatening to tell the police. He continued to visit her at night and stand in her doorway staring at her. She would wake and he would be standing there exposing himself and pleasuring himself. Once again she had to threaten legal action for this to stop. Even though Samantha knows that she had been abused from age 4 until 13 she can not recall anything from age 5 – 10 years. She has a 5-year gap in her memory. It’s very common for survivors like Samantha to have memory gaps for all or part of their abuse. Psychologists call this dissociative amnesia. This type of mental disorder involves the inability to recall important information which is significant enough for a healthy brain to recall. It is believed to be her brain’s way of protecting her from what must have been devastating. Samantha was advised by her older brother that it was during that time that they were both abused by their babysitter and from that point on it was like an addiction for him with an unlimited supply. Samantha was the supply. Now in her mid 40’s she looks back and says that she can not recall ever sleeping fully through the night. Her reality has been waking up 2-6 times a night. Samantha has also had a hard time managing everyday stressors and can easily become anxious. Her anxiety causes her to feel like she is being choked; her muscles in her hips, legs, and neck tighten up and she grinds her teeth when she sleeps. She has nightmares and wakes in a cold sweat. She is embarrassed and ashamed by the unpleasant thoughts which uncontrollably haunt her mind. She makes attempts to think about different things but her body keeps telling her she is in danger. A sudden stare from a stranger, the sight of a tent or even a smell can set her inner alarm off which can take days to disarm. Samantha has been diagnosed with Complex PTSD. Many people don’t understand that PTSD is more of an injury than a mental illness. The injury occurs in the nervous system and causes dysregulation of the amygdala, the part of the brain which sends warning signals when one is in danger; triggering a fight or flight reaction. Someone with Complex PTSD has the symptoms of PTSD with some additional symptoms such as emotional dysregulation and severe problems trusting. Self-esteem is also impacted. It is likely that Samantha has suffered with this for years. She simply can not recall ever feeling “normal”. While already off work for stress, she found out that she had C-PTSD resulting from numerous prolonged childhood traumas. She advised her employer on a Friday and the following Tuesday she received word that she would not have a job to go back to as her department had been restructured and her position no longer existed. Samantha did not get PTSD from a high risk job. There is no pension benefit for her injury or WSIB to help her heal and her employer’s disability plan will stop payments after 2 years, leaving her with no income at all. With no job she no longer had the health benefits to pay for therapy and no hope of a job to go back to. Her only hope is to find healing so she can be strong enough to return to work and design a better future. We don’t know what the future holds for Samantha but we do know that she is presently enrolled in one of the peer support groups at The Gatehouse, where she will find others just like her. Together these women will learn the skills they need to manage the daily challenges of living with the impact of childhood sexual abuse. They will help each other to open up about the trauma and confront some of the hard issues. She will have a sense of community and safety as she develops skills, new relationships, and transitions her trauma story from a place of fear and shame to a place of self-compassion and courage; equipping her to move forward and leaving her past behind. The Gatehouse can only help people like Samantha with the generosity of our donors. We will not charge Samantha for the trauma program we provide; she has already paid a big enough price. Every donation makes healing for people like Samantha possible. $20 per month can make all the difference. Donate today Please consider making a donation to help The Gatehouse The Gatehouse, a community based charitable organization that provides much-needed

How do you practice self-care? Many survivors that attend Gatehouse programs have mentioned that Yoga is part of their self-care practice. Yoga is a versatile process that has demonstrated effectiveness in helping people feel calmer, grounded and focused. The practice of Yoga may be modified for various levels of experience, from beginner to expert to even incorporating the use of a chair for support. There are many types of yoga practices.  We connected with a trauma-informed yoga instructor Nicola at Nicola Yoga to talk more about the benefits for survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Nicola has personally experienced the healing benefits of yoga as a way to manage and heal body pain.  She highlighted that Trauma Informed Yoga is a strengths-based practice that emphasizes emotional safety and creates opportunities for survivors to rebuild a sense of control and empowerment.  As many survivors experience a wide array of triggers, especially pertaining to their physical body, it is important for the instructor/practitioner to be able to recognize when participants are in a “triggered” response and to help them through such experiences. Lilly and Hedlund (2010) mentioned that providing participants with different options when engaging in yoga activities is helpful and empowering. They also noted research has found that the following strategies are also beneficial: Grounding. Participants get close to the ground and use their hands to feel the solidness underneath them. Orienting. Help participants to remember where they are at the present moment and that the present moment is safe. Resourcing. Participants draw upon emotional resources of strength and safety (e.g., a favorite song lyric or thoughts of a safe place). These can be developed beforehand for all participants, to be used in the case of triggering. Nicola emphasized the importance of providing different choices to survivors when engaging in yoga practice. Check out the video interview with Nicola Yoga, Trauma-informed practitioner below. Feel free to share the video on your social networks. Help support The Gatehouse and become a monthly donor. Your support helps us to continue delivering peer support group programs to survivors online during the pandemic. You can donate one time or monthly by filling out the form below. Your donation helps to transform the lives of those victimized by childhood sexual abuse. Thank you for your support.

Mental Health During Times of Stress One of the most difficult challenges adults who have been impacted by sexual violence have is feeling safe and in control. Can you relate?  Here’s how you can improve the impact these uncontrollable times will have on your mental health and how you can support those around you. Watch for the signs of depression and anxiety With no exception, everyone is subject to experiencing depression and anxiety – there is no vaccine for these conditions. Situations such as isolation, loss of a job and for many of our program participants, past and present traumatic experiences can trigger these unwanted mental health conditions. Depression & anxiety can sneak up on you or someone you care about.  By identifying the signs you can take action.   Symptoms of depression & anxiety can include:   Trouble concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions Physical, emotional and mental fatigue Feelings of guilt, worthlessness and helplessness A negative outlook and hopelessness Troubles sleeping or sleeping too much Irritability & Restlessness Loss of interest in activities you once found pleasurable Weight loss or gain Feelings of being physically well without any cause (headaches, body aches, muscle tension). Digestion problems Persistent sadness anxiety Suicidal thoughts Take action to improve depression and anxiety Anxiety and depression may be a short term response to undesirable circumstances; can be a chemical imbalance, which requires medication; or can be a sign of something more complex and chronic such as PTSD. Regardless of the cause and degree of the condition there are steps you can take today to improve your symptoms. Take care of yourself – understand that your well being is your greatest priority, otherwise you can not be there for others. Be intentional and treat yourself like you care about yourself. Exercise – it’s no surprise that exercise is critical to your overall health. The fact is; exercise releases chemicals like endorphins and serotonin that improve your mood. It’s like having a natural antidepressant. It increases the flow of blood and oxygen to the brain which can help you think more clearly and improves the connections between the nerve cells in your brain, improving your problem solving abilities, emotions and creativity. Healthy eating – eating foods rich in vitamin and mineral; especially brain boosting B, C, D vitamins, magnesium and omega 3 fats; boosting memory, nerve connectivity, and the production and release of chemicals and hormones designed to help you feel and function better. Be kind to yourself and others – kind words and gestures such as a Facetime with a friend, picking up neighbours groceries or dropping off freshly baked cookies; produce actual mood boosting chemicals such as oxytocin – producing a feeling of well being. Be empathetic to others, also, know when you need a break from being the sounding board and implement healthy boundaries. Focus on what you can do and can control today and except that we are not in control of everything and everyone and never where. By accomplishing something, even if it’s small, your body will reward you with the release of dopamine – the “feel good” neurotransmitter. Even making your bed can have this result. Be mindful and present in the moment – Consider learning to meditate or do yoga. Enjoy that morning coffee, listen to the birds. Recognize and embrace simple pleasures. The practise of mediation has been known to shrink the amygdala (the fear producing  fight or flight areas of the brain), thus reducing anxious feelings.  Don’t be afraid to seek out help For the very same reasons you see your doctor when you are sick or hire a personal trainer to get fit. If you or someone you know is struggling with depression, anxiety or any other mental condition, there are an abundance of resources available online and wise and compassionate therapists who want to help.  By Sherry Slejska, CM Mental Health Advocate & Communicator .   Please consider making a donation to help The Gatehouse The Gatehouse, a community based charitable organization that provides much-needed support, resources, and community to survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Survivors of sexual abuse are in desperate need of our support and services and The Gatehouse relies on the generosity of individuals, foundations, and businesses to fund and expand our creative programs including peer support groups, art therapy, wellness workshops, conferences, and the investigation support program. You can donate one time or donate monthly. Your donation helps to transform the lives of those victimized by childhood sexual abuse. Use the form below donate. Thank you for your support.

Let’s Keep Kids Safe From Sexual Abuse We know that most incidents of child sexual abuse occur by someone the child knows and trusts. This might be a sibling, parent, caregiver or other trusted child or adult in their life. With the vast majority of our population now isolating themselves and families at home, at-risk children and youth are at greater risk. According to research, 1 in 10 Canadians reported being sexually victimized before they turned 18. This number reflects only 7% of the cases since 93% of child sexual abuse cases are never reported – that’s alarming! Here’s how you can reduce the risks: Educate yourself so that you fully understand the risks and situations this kind of violence occurs. We like some of the resources Canadian Centre for Child Protection has made available.  Pay attention to how children are interacting with each other and adults in their life and don’t ignore warning signs or that uncomfortable feeling we call instinct.  Talk about body parts early on in an age-appropriate way. Teach them the correct names and purpose of each part.   Teach children that some body parts are very private. They need to know that these special parts belong to them and are not for others to see or touch. They should know it’s ok if the doctor sees them and may sometimes need to touch but a parent would be with them if that is the case.  Teach about boundaries. Children need to know that no one should be asking to see or touch their parts and if they do, they should say no and tell someone. Again, unless it is medically necessary. Body secrets are not ok. Most abusers will tell a child that what they are asking to do or doing is a secret. Children need to learn what a good secret is (like a birthday gift) and bad secrets which might hurt them (sexual touching). No pictures or videos should ever be taken of their private body parts.  Teach your child how to get out of uncomfortable situations that do not seem right to them. They should know it’s ok to tell an adult and leave the area to a place they feel safe.  Tell them they will never get in trouble if they tell you about any of the above. They should know that secret touching of their private body parts may tickle or feel good. That is a normal function of that body part. They should still try to stop the touching if they can, and tell you about it. The rules apply to every person in their life. A child needs to know if their sibling, friend, uncle, neighbour, parent, teacher and so, ever touch them in their private parts, they need to tell you.Teaching children about their private bodies is a parents job, protecting and reporting any form of child abuse is everyone’s responsibility.   Written by Sherry Slejska, CM Mental Health Advocate and Communicator   Please consider making a donation to help The Gatehouse The Gatehouse, a community based charitable organization that provides much-needed support, resources, and community to survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Survivors of sexual abuse are in desperate need of our support and services and The Gatehouse relies on the generosity of individuals, foundations, and businesses to fund and expand our creative programs including peer support groups, art therapy, wellness workshops, conferences, and the investigation support program. You can donate one time or donate monthly. Your donation helps to transform the lives of those victimized by childhood sexual abuse. Use the form below donate. Thank you for your support.

Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training (ASIST) is a vital two-day course developed by LivingWorks Education, that covers the following: ASIST is a 2-day intensive, interactive and practice-dominated course designed to help individuals recognize the risk of suicide, and learn how to intervene to prevent the risk of suicidal thoughts from becoming suicidal behaviors. Suitable for all persons in positions of trust: health professionals, social service workers, teachers, counselors, youth workers, police and correctional staff, and community volunteers. Prepared caregivers can help prevent suicide. Includes a Suicide Intervention Handbook and a certificate. ASIST Workshop features: Presentations and guidance from two LivingWorks Education registered trainers A scientifically proven intervention model Powerful audiovisual learning aids Group discussions Skills practice and development A balance of challenge and safety Instructors: Brad and Paula Rate: $190 per person. 2020 Session Dates S3: Sat/Sun, May 30/31, 9:30am to 5:30pm CANCELLED due to COVID 19 S4: Sat/Sun, Oct.3/4, 9:30am to 5:30pm S5: Sat/Sun, Nov.7/8, 9:30am to 5:30pm For more information or to register, click: http://thegatehouse.org/asist-suicide-intervention-training/