We are proud to celebrate a remarkable milestone for Sabra Desai, former Chair of the Board of Directors of The Gatehouse, who has successfully completed her PhD. This accomplishment reflects years of dedication, scholarship, and an unwavering commitment to advancing knowledge and creating meaningful impact in the fields of mental health, education, and social justice.  During her time as Chair, Sabra provided thoughtful leadership and guidance, helping strengthen the organization and support its mission. Her passion for learning and her commitment to community have long inspired those who have had the privilege of working alongside her. Achieving her PhD marks another important chapter in a career devoted to service, advocacy, and transformative education.  PhD Research: Centering the Voices of Youth in Care  Dr. Desai’s doctoral research examines systemic neglect within Ontario’s child welfare system by centering the voices of youth in care, former youth in care, and adoptees. Drawing on testimonies from the 2012 Youth Leaving Care Hearings, her work challenges deficit-based narratives and highlights how institutional policies shape young people’s experiences of instability, exclusion, and harm as they transition out of care.  Using a social justice education framework informed by Critical Race Theory, feminist theory, and critical discourse analysis, her research calls for meaningful youth-informed policy reform. The work advocates for a more equitable and humane child welfare system grounded in dignity, belonging, empowerment, and educational opportunity.  This research is deeply personal and rooted in Dr. Desai’s lifelong commitment to social justice. Growing up under apartheid, immigrating to Canada, and working across child welfare and education systems shaped her understanding of how institutions can both support and marginalize individuals. Her work with marginalized youth further deepened her concern for young people aging out of care.  Committed to addressing historical and systemic inequities, Dr. Desai sought to respond to the lack of youth-led research within Canadian child welfare. By centering the voices and testimonies of those most directly affected, her research exposes systemic neglect while advocating for policies that are more just, humane, and youth-informed.  Professional Background and Contributions  Dr. Desai is a Kellogg Fellow, a registered trauma-informed social worker, psychotherapist, and transformational educator consultant. She specializes in working with individuals from diverse cultural backgrounds, using culturally responsive approaches to mental health and well-being that personalize therapy for each client.  Her multidisciplinary therapeutic approach integrates Emotion Focused Therapy, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Dialectical Behaviour Therapy, and Mindfulness practices, grounded in resilience and a strength-based, client-centered framework. She works with individuals and couples experiencing anxiety, depression, shame, trauma (including intergenerational and vicarious trauma), life transitions, grief, and loss.  Dr. Desai’s international work has included providing therapy to couples and individuals living with HIV/AIDS, addressing issues of guilt, shame, and betrayal. She has also provided organizational training and community capacity-building initiatives on human rights, newcomer integration, health, and mental health, supporting personal and organizational transformation through relationship-building and change.  Her academic career includes teaching social work at York University and Ryerson University, and most recently serving as faculty in the School of Social and Community Services at Humber College. Her publications address critical social issues including youth advocacy, violence against women, diversity, and inclusion.  Dr. Desai has also played an important role in community advocacy. She collaborated with a group of women to advocate for a shelter for women and children fleeing family violence—an effort that led to the creation of Interim Place, the first shelter in Peel Region. More recently, in partnership with Humber College and community organizations, she initiated a Mental Health Community of Practice to support staff working with youth by strengthening knowledge, skills, collaboration, and networking opportunities.  Throughout her career, Dr. Desai has received numerous awards recognizing her leadership in advocacy, social justice, and education, including the 2015 YWCA Woman of Distinction Award for Education.  We extend our heartfelt congratulations to Dr. Sabra Desai on this extraordinary achievement. Her work continues to inspire meaningful change and contributes to building more compassionate, equitable systems for individuals and communities.  Dr. Desai will be presenting at our upcoming Transforming Trauma Festival on May 11 to 13, 2026 sharing key insights from her research. Register for the festival at https://thegatehouse.org/transforming-trauma-together-festival

From May 11–13, 2026, The Gatehouse will host the first ever Transforming Trauma Together Festival at Humber College’s Lakeshore Campus in Toronto, a powerful three-day gathering dedicated to healing, learning, and connection. This free community event invites survivors of childhood sexual abuse, advocates, professionals, students, and community members to come together in a shared space of compassion and understanding. The Transforming Trauma Together Festival was created with a simple but powerful belief: healing happens in community. When survivors are given opportunities to share their experiences, be heard without judgment, and connect with others who understand, it can be a transformative part of the recovery journey. The festival aims to foster those connections while also building awareness, knowledge, and solidarity across the broader community. Over the course of three days, attendees will have the opportunity to participate in a wide range of programming, including panel discussions, presentations, creative sessions, and community conversations. Speakers and facilitators will include individuals with lived experience, mental health professionals, advocates, educators, and leaders working in the field of trauma and recovery. These sessions will explore topics such as resilience, trauma-informed care, advocacy, storytelling, and the many ways individuals and communities can support survivors on their healing journeys. What makes this festival unique is its focus on bringing together both lived experience and professional expertise. Survivors are not only welcomed, they are centered. Their voices, insights, and resilience help shape the conversation, reminding us that healing is not only possible but powerful when survivors are supported and empowered. The festival also reflects the core mission of The Gatehouse. We are a Toronto-based charitable organization that has supported survivors of childhood sexual abuse for over 27 years. Through peer support groups, trauma-informed programming, and community education initiatives, The Gatehouse provides safe spaces where survivors can connect, process their experiences, and move forward with strength and dignity. Events like the Transforming Trauma Together Festival play an important role in raising awareness about the long-term impacts of childhood sexual abuse while also highlighting the resilience of survivors. Trauma often thrives in silence and isolation, but community gatherings such as this one help break that silence. They encourage open dialogue, reduce stigma, and create opportunities for learning and collaboration among survivors, service providers, and the wider public. The festival is also an opportunity to strengthen partnerships between organizations, advocates, and professionals working across sectors, including mental health, education, social services, and justice. By sharing knowledge and experiences, participants can better understand the complexities of trauma and work together toward more compassionate and survivor-centered systems of support. Beyond the educational sessions and discussions, the festival aims to cultivate an atmosphere of hope, creativity, and empowerment. Participants will be encouraged to reflect, connect, and explore new perspectives on healing. Whether someone is early in their recovery journey or has been advocating for years, the festival offers space for meaningful conversations and supportive connections. Most importantly, the Transforming Trauma Together Festival reminds us that survivors are not defined by what happened to them. They are defined by their courage, resilience, and the strength it takes to continue moving forward. When communities come together to support healing, we help create a future where survivors are seen, heard, and valued. The Transforming Trauma Together Festival is free to attend, but registration is required. Individuals interested in participating are encouraged to reserve their tickets in advance at https://thegatehouse.org/transforming-trauma-together-festival By coming together in conversation, learning, and solidarity, we can continue building communities where healing is possible and where survivors know they are never alone. Guest Speakers Matthew Ray Jones, Poet Laureate Matt Gallagher, Canadian film director, producer and cinematographer  Thom Ernst, Canadian film critic and television host, Author of the Wild Boy of Waubamik Heidi Philip Arthur Lockhart, MEd. Brad Hutchinson, https://www.bradhutchinson.org/ Aqeel Saeid, PhD Maria Barcelos, MA, RP Sabra Desai, PhD Qi Gong Master Teresa Yeung Jacqueline Yeung Ghrian Shine https://ghrianshine.com/ Ramona Alaggia Mike Allan Stewart Thompson Cathy Vine Zada Jaffe Agency Presenters Family Services of Peel https://fspeel.org/ Bikers Against Child Abuse https://bacaworld.org/ Addiction Rehab Toronto https://addictionrehabtoronto.ca/ Recovery Without Borders https://ca.linkedin.com/company/recoverywithoutborders Expressive Arts Therapists Pramilda Zackhariyas- https://www.pramilda.com/ Antonietta Nesbit Miolla https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/therapists/antonietta-nesbit-miolla-toronto-on/1514548Rieko Asaba https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/therapists/rieko-asaba-toronto-on/1583663 Beth Conklin Guliz Akkaymak  Jacqueline Kaminski  Katia Miniovich  Shawna Lee Campbell https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/therapists/shawna-lee-campbell-toronto-on/1618812 Roxana Mares  https://www.thesomaticspace.ca/

Written by: Maria Barcelos, MA, RP, Executive Director Every year, International Women’s Day invites us to pause and recognize the courage, leadership, and compassion of women across the world. At The Gatehouse, this day carries a particularly powerful meaning. It is a moment to honour the women who show up every day, often quietly, often without recognition, to help create a space where survivors of childhood sexual abuse can heal, reconnect, and reclaim their voices. The Gatehouse would not exist as it does today without the dedication of extraordinary women. I would like to take this opportunity to highlight the amazing women on our staff team including Maria Barcelos, Paula Cordeiro, Jasmine Lem, Karen MacKeigan and Erin Alexandra and our Board of Directors, Lisa Crooker, Linda O’Brien, Carol Smith, Svetlana Sorokina, Hilary Mancia and Patricia Buffone. Previous Board members, Sabra Desai, Nilmini Perera, Gigi Cantalupo and Jeanette Daly. From peer support facilitators who hold space with empathy and courage, to staff members who guide programs with professionalism and heart, to volunteers, placement students and community partners who give their time and energy so generously, women are at the center of the life-affirming work that happens here every day. Many of these women bring lived experience to their roles. They transform their own healing journeys into powerful acts of service, helping others feel seen, heard, and validated. In peer support circles, they model what resilience looks like in real time: listening without judgment, encouraging one another, and reminding survivors that they are not alone. This kind of leadership is profound. It is leadership rooted not in titles, but in compassion, courage, and connection. International Women’s Day is also a reminder that healing is collective work. Women at The Gatehouse support one another as colleagues, mentors, facilitators, and friends. They collaborate to create programs, lead workshops, facilitate groups, organize events, and advocate for awareness around the prevention of childhood sexual abuse. Their contributions ripple far beyond the walls of The Gatehouse. Every conversation held with care, every group facilitated with integrity, and every survivor who finds the courage to share their story strengthens our community. These moments of connection are made possible by women who believe deeply in the power of healing together. Today, we celebrate all the women of The Gatehouse, past and present, who continue to nurture a community built on empathy, dignity, and hope. We celebrate the women who speak up. We celebrate the women who listen. We celebrate the women who hold space for others while continuing their own healing journeys. And we celebrate the next generation of women leaders who are stepping forward to ensure that survivors always have a place where they belong. To every woman who contributes to this work: thank you. Your courage, wisdom, and generosity make The Gatehouse the powerful community it is today. Together, we continue building a world where survivors are believed, supported, and empowered. Happy International Women’s Day. Learn more about the work of The Gatehouse and how you can support survivors at thegatehouse.org. Support, Housing & Community Services

Written by: Erin Alexandra, RSSW Belonging is the quiet but powerful experience of feeling seen and heard. For trauma survivors, especially those who have experienced childhood sexual abuse—not being seen or believed is often part of the trauma itself. So when belonging is present, it can feel deeply reparative. Community gives us more than connection; it gives us purpose. It creates people we can rely on, and people who rely on us. When we feel isolated or disconnected, it’s easy to start believing we don’t matter—or that we don’t belong anywhere at all. Many of us hesitate to reach out for help because we worry we’re being a burden; community works in the opposite way. When someone asks us for help, we often feel honored. We get to share what we know, talk about something we care about, and make someone else’s life a little easier. That’s community building in action—not burdening. Isolation often grows out of the belief: “I’m the only one who has experienced this.” Yet connection usually happens in surprisingly ordinary moments. We’re often more likely to bond over something like, “I get lost all the time,” than over our most polished or impressive moments. It’s the everyday hiccups—the things we laugh about later—that help us see each other as real people. Those small, imperfect moments build safety. Fostering Connection Connection requires vulnerability, both with ourselves and with others. Psychological safety—the sense that we can express ourselves without fear of judgment or punishment—allows us to take emotional risks, speak honestly, and show up more fully. When we feel we belong, we’re more likely to explore who we are, pursue what matters to us, and take steps toward our personal and professional goals. Connecting with other trauma survivors can be especially powerful. In shared spaces—like skills groups or peer support—we often hear someone else’s story and think, “Wait… I do that too.” Instead of turning inward with self-criticism, we can begin to understand our responses with compassion. We recognize that these patterns developed for a reason, often in environments where we didn’t yet have the tools or safety to respond differently. Through others, we gain insight into ourselves. Still, doubts can creep in:What if my trauma is too different to be understood? What if it isn’t “bad enough”? These thoughts can keep us from reaching out—but they don’t reflect the truth. Belonging isn’t about comparison; it’s about recognition. Building Community If building a community feels overwhelming, it’s okay to start small. Especially if you’re living with anxiety or past experiences of disconnection, consider focusing on casual contact rather than deep connection right away. Ask yourself: These small steps are often the beginning of something larger. Community doesn’t have to start with vulnerability—it can start with proximity, curiosity, and shared moments. From there, belonging can grow.

By: Erin Alexandra Until I began having panic attacks myself, I never gave much thought to grounding. I cannot repeat this enough. Grounding works. And it takes practice.  It may sound silly or easy to dismiss at first. I am listing things I can see and feel? It can sound too simple to be effective. How could this possibly help?  Sometimes it’s the simplest things that are the most effective. The act of noticing brings us to the present. This is Key in grounding. Our minds cannot focus on the past and present simultaneously. When we begin to name things we can see, and smell, and hear and feel, we cannot also be worrying about the future or living a past trauma. It brings you to NOW. Your mind might like an elastic, snap back to whatever you were worrying about, and that’s okay. You can return to the grounding practice as many times as you need. Grounding is not trying to fix the past, or predict the future, it’s keeping your attention on the present moment to help minimize your distress so that you can carry on with your day, or find solutions to whatever is causing you the distress in the first place.  Through grounding, we can also begin to rely on ourselves to support our needs. We won’t always have someone with us who can offer support. When we build the skill of grounding ourselves, we also build trust in ourselves, along with strength and confidence. Grounding doesn’t only support us in moments of distress. It also shapes how we view ourselves and how we understand our own distress. Sometimes the tough way is through. And grounding can be our guide. If the intensity of distress is higher, you may need to engage in grounding for longer. This can feel frustrating. And at the same time, the more we practice, the faster grounding can begin to work. Our bodies and minds start to lean into the safety of it. If one grounding technique doesn’t work, it can be easy to throw the baby out with the bath water and decide that grounding doesn’t work at all. Sometimes it’s not that grounding isn’t effective. It’s that we haven’t found the right kind yet, or we stopped before it had time to settle. It is important to note that not all grounding techniques have the same level of efficacy for everyone. If you find yourself too much in your body, a mental grounding might feel safer, if you are too much in your head then a physical grounding might feel more effective. Grounding is about what works for you, and that means experimenting with different techniques to figure that out.  Grounding does not require perfection. It requires engagement. And that can be hard. Another reason some folks might find grounding doesn’t work, is that they’re outside their window of tolerance and in such high distress that grounding won’t be nearly as effective. If you’re like me and you never realize it until it’s too late and your in high distress, what might be supportive with this challenge is to learn to notice your early warning signs that you’re moving outside your window of tolerance, or the moments when anxiety, panic, or distress begins to move into your body and mind. You can even say out loud, or quietly to yourself, I need to ground myself. This can act as an anchor. And this way you can learn to begin grounding before the intensity level increases.  Keep trying. Your nervous system is learning, even when it doesn’t feel like it. In the spirit of grounding, attached is a  vagus nerve meditation that has brought me out of a storm more than once. Please give it a try and perhaps include it into your tool box for when you need it:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHFEL63eyCo

Gratitude is an effective tool because it connects us with everything and everyone. It moves us outside our internal world of “me, me, me” and into connection with the world around us. It slows us down to recognize the miraculous nature of what we are experiencing. This does not mean you have to be grateful for traumatic experiences, unless you want to. In the morning as I walk up to the subway to go to work, I thank the Moon, I thank the Sun, and I thank the sky. I thank the world for hosting me here and providing me with what I require to live, and I thank the universe for being so magical, unknowable, unpredictable, and for creating this life that we get to enjoy. I am typically happier when I start my day with these thoughts versus the days that I do not. Why is that?

For many survivors of childhood sexual abuse (CSA), setting and holding boundaries can be one of the most difficult — and most healing — things we learn to do. When our boundaries are crossed at an early age, it can leave us feeling confused, ashamed, or even unsafe when we try to assert them in adulthood. But boundaries are not selfish. They are essential. So what happens when you realize you’re not listening to your own boundaries? Or when someone else keeps pushing past the ones you’ve clearly stated? Let’s explore this together. When You Ignore Your Own Boundaries Sometimes we say yes when we mean no. We override that tight feeling in our chest or the lump in our throat. We might tell ourselves: Sound familiar? When this happens, pause. Ask yourself: Self-abandonment — even in small ways — adds up over time. Healing includes learning to listen to yourself first.  When we keep saying yes while our body, heart, or mind is saying no, it creates a disconnect. We may tell ourselves it’s the “nice” thing to do — but over time, this habit can lead to resentment, mistrust, and even the breakdown of relationships.  Have you ever had someone tell you yes, and then not show up? When someone consistently ignores their own limits or overpromises and lets you down, it’s hard to believe them when they say yes. We might even be the one to let others down because we say yes, when we aren’t capable of following through. This might lead to feelings of guilt and shame, or the other person might resent you or stars to lose trust in you. When we do follow through on our yeses, and we say yes a lot, resentment can build “Why does everyone rely on me” “Can’t they ask someone else”. Some may unintentionally overstep, others may notice your pattern of always saying yes, and take advantage of it. The truth is: if we never share our boundaries, people don’t know where they are. Saying no teaches others that your yes has value. When Others Ignore Your Boundaries Sometimes, even when we confidently, and clearly assert our boundaries, people might not listen the first time.  Boundaries don’t exist to control others. They exist to protect your energy, your time, and your well-being. We might confidently, and clearly assert our boundary, so what do you do when it gets ignored or challenged?  Here are some reminders: You deserve relationships where your no is honoured just as much as your yes. When someone repeatedly crosses your boundary, it can become harder to assert it. That’s why it’s important to address boundary violations clearly and early on.  If someone crosses the line once, you might say: “I want to be clear that this is a boundary for me. I know I may not have named it before, but it’s important now.” If it happens again, you can be more direct: “This is the second time this boundary has been crossed. If it happens again, I will need to step away from: this conversation, this activity, or this dynamic.” Boundaries are not about punishing others. They are about protecting your peace and creating clarity. You’re not being dramatic or mean — you’re being clear about what you will and won’t engage with. You Don’t Owe Anyone a Reason Many survivors feel pressure to explain or justify their boundaries, especially when it feels like the person asking expects access to your time, energy, or emotional labour. But the truth is: Your “no” is enough. Here are some ways to say no while still being kind and clear: You are not required to shrink, overextend, or exhaust yourself to be kind. Kindness includes being honest, and kindness toward yourself. Struggling to Set a Boundary? Ask Yourself Why. If setting a boundary feels hard, you’re not alone. Take a moment to reflect: These are common fears, especially for survivors. But it’s okay to prioritize your own safety and peace. You are allowed to grow out of roles that once felt necessary for survival. Boundaries Belong Everywhere Boundaries aren’t just for toxic relationships. They can show up in all areas of life: You’re allowed to set a boundary even if it disappoints someone. You’re allowed to change your mind. You’re allowed to protect your peace. Your voice matters. Your “NO” matters.

Loving someone who is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) can be deeply meaningful and at times, complex. Survivors often carry invisible wounds that may impact how they relate to intimacy, trust, communication, and autonomy. If you’re in a relationship with a survivor, one of the most supportive and healing things you can do for them and for yourself is to learn how to set and honour boundaries together. This isn’t about creating distance. It’s about fostering safety, clarity, and respect essentials in any healthy relationship, and especially vital when navigating trauma. What Are Boundaries, and Why Do They Matter? Boundaries are the emotional, physical, mental, and sexual limits that define what feels safe and respectful to each person. For survivors of CSA, boundary violations in early life may make it harder to feel secure asserting limits or recognizing what’s okay and what’s not. Partners who model healthy boundaries help re-establish a survivor’s sense of agency and trust. Boundaries aren’t walls—they’re agreements. And they benefit both people in the relationship. How Partners Can Support Healthy Boundaries 1. Communicate Openly and GentlyConversations about boundaries can feel vulnerable. Approach them with compassion and patience. Ask questions like: 2. Respect Consent in All AreasSurvivors may have different comfort levels with touch, closeness, or even certain types of conversations. Always ask before engaging in physical affection. Yes, even with something as simple as a hug or holding hands. Respecting a “no” without guilt-tripping or pulling away emotionally is crucial. 3. Set Your Own Boundaries TooYour needs matter, too. It’s okay to express when you’re overwhelmed, hurt, or confused. For example: Being clear and kind about your own limits helps build mutual respect. 4. Avoid “Fixing” or PushingIt’s natural to want to help someone you love, but healing isn’t something you can rush or solve. Let go of the pressure to “fix” anything. Focus on being present and consistent, not perfect. 5. Create Rituals of SafetyBuild in moments of connection that foster safety: a daily check-in, a grounding activity you do together, or simply a ritual of asking, “Is now a good time to talk about something important?” Healing Is a Shared Journey Loving a CSA survivor means understanding that trauma may resurface unexpectedly. Boundaries allow both partners to feel seen, heard, and held—not just during the good times, but when things feel heavy, too. By respecting each other’s needs, slowing down when things feel tender, and approaching each conversation with empathy, you’re helping create a relationship rooted in safety and care. You’re not alone in navigating this. Whether you’re a survivor or a partner, seeking support through therapy, support groups, or trauma-informed resources can make all the difference. Here is a tool to help you define your boundaries