The Importance of Chosen Family
Written by: Thiviya Subramaniam, B.Sc., Previous Placement Student, The Gatehouse
A family can provide individuals with interpersonal connections and a reliable support network. But what happens when a survivor of childhood sexual abuse is not able to turn to their family for support? What happens when a survivor has experienced sexual violence from family members? Or their family takes the side of the abuser and is skeptical or discredits the survivor’s experience? We are not able to choose the families we are raised in, but as adults, we are able to create families that are supportive and can understand us. This is why a chosen family can aid in the healing journey and help survivors navigate and overcome their trauma.
A chosen family consists of people who intentionally love, nurture and support each other (Jelinek, 2021). Although unconventional, this dynamic allows people to define the word ‘family’ on their own terms. It creates a sense of community and allows individuals to experience abundant love, especially those who have been rejected by the families they were raised in (Jelinek, 2021). A chosen family can be built from our hobbies and interests that introduce us to members of our community such as a pottery class, an amateur sports team or volunteering at a local pet shelter. This restructuring can change the very dynamic of your life. A friend walking you down the aisle on your wedding day, looking to a trusted community member as a parental figure, or even changing the emergency contacts on your medical forms. The possibilities are endless, but what matters is that it consists of people who genuinely care and support each other and are looking out for your best interest. Individuals are no longer confined to the community they were raised in but can create one that best supports them in their healing journey.
For survivors of childhood sexual abuse, a chosen family can allow them to seek advice when needed or help them feel understood when they are triggered (Sudakov, 2023). A chosen family can validate a survivor’s experience while respecting boundaries. A consistent and caring chosen family can aid in a survivor’s healing journey and allow them to experience the love they may have been excluded from and the support that has been withheld from them.
References
Jelinek, J. (2021, June 9). What ‘Chosen Family’ Means – and How to Build Your Own. healthline. Retrieved from https://www.healthline.com/health/relationships/chosen-family
Sudakov, M. (2023, January 15). The Role of ‘Chosen Family’ in Trauma Recovery. The Mighty. Retrieved from https://themighty.com/topic/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/trauma-recovery-chosen-family/