Childhood sexual abuse is a deeply traumatic experience that leaves life-long detrimental impacts on the lives of survivors. For LGBTQ+ individuals, this trauma can be compounded by societal stigma, identity struggles, and a lack of adequate support systems. This blog post aims to shed light on the unique challenges faced by LGBTQ+ survivors of childhood sexual abuse and provide guidance on the journey towards healing and empowerment. Understanding the Intersection of Identities and Trauma Sexual abuse in childhood is a harrowing experience, and for LGBTQ+ individuals, the trauma is often intertwined with their identity development. The confusion, shame, and fear stemming from abuse can severely impact one’s understanding and acceptance of their sexual orientation or gender identity. It is crucial to recognize and validate this intersection to foster healing. Common Challenges Faced by LGBTQ+ Survivors Many survivors, regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity, struggle with feelings of shame and guilt. However, LGBTQ+ individuals might also internalize societal prejudices, believing their abuse is somehow connected to their identity, which can hinder self-acceptance and healing. Fear of being judged or misunderstood often leads LGBTQ+ survivors to isolate themselves. The lack of representation and understanding within both LGBTQ+ and survivor communities can exacerbate feelings of loneliness and alienation. Furthermore, many LGBTQ+ individuals face discrimination or lack of understanding from healthcare providers, therapists, and support groups. This mistrust can deter them from seeking help and support, prolonging their journey to recovery. Steps Towards Healing Acknowledge and Accept Your Identity: Recognize that your sexual orientation or gender identity is not a consequence of the abuse. Embrace your true self and understand that you are worthy of love and respect. Self-acceptance is a crucial step towards healing. Seek LGBTQ+-Friendly Therapy: Finding a therapist who is not only trained in trauma but also knowledgeable about LGBTQ+ issues can make a significant difference. Look for professionals who advertise themselves as LGBTQ+-affirmative or who come recommended by local LGBTQ+ organizations. Connect with Supportive Communities: Joining LGBTQ+ support groups, both online and offline, can provide a sense of belonging and understanding. These communities can offer empathy, shared experiences, and valuable resources for healing. Educate Yourself and Others: Knowledge is empowering. Educate yourself about the effects of childhood sexual abuse and the experiences of LGBTQ+ survivors. Sharing this knowledge with others can help break down stigma and create a more supportive environment for all survivors. Practice Self-Care and Self-Compassion: Healing from trauma is a long and non-linear process. Prioritize self-care activities that bring you peace and joy. Practice self-compassion and remind yourself that healing takes time and it’s okay to have setbacks. Advocate for Change: Use your voice to advocate for better support systems and resources for LGBTQ+ survivors of sexual abuse. Engage with local organizations, participate in awareness campaigns, or even share your story if you feel safe to do so. Overcoming childhood sexual abuse is an immense challenge, and being an LGBTQ+ individual adds layers of complexity to the healing process. However, it is possible to reclaim your life, embrace your identity, and build a future defined by resilience and empowerment. Remember, you are not alone. There is a vast community ready to support you, and your journey towards healing can inspire others to find their own path to recovery. Healing is a deeply personal journey, but together, by breaking the silence and fostering understanding, we can create a world where every survivor feels seen, heard, and supported. For more information about The Gatehouse Out of the Darkness: Into the Light program, visit https://thegatehouse.org/adult-support-program/
Reclaiming Sexuality After Childhood Sexual Abuse
Childhood sexual abuse (CSA) casts long shadows, leaving scars that can permeate every facet of a survivor’s life. Among the most deeply affected areas is sexuality—a domain intertwined with identity, intimacy, and trust. Healing from such profound trauma is a complex, non-linear journey, but it is also a testament to human resilience and the possibility of reclaiming joy and wholeness. This blog post aims to shed light on the path toward healing and rediscovering a healthy sense of sexuality after childhood sexual abuse. Understanding the Impact The effects of CSA on an individual’s sexuality are profound and multifaceted. Survivors may experience a range of challenges, including: Shame and Guilt: Feelings of shame and guilt are common, as abusers often manipulate victims into believing they are complicit or at fault. Trust Issues: Trust, especially in intimate relationships, can be profoundly shaken, making it difficult to form and maintain healthy sexual relationships. Dissociation: Survivors might dissociate during sexual activity, disconnecting from their bodies as a coping mechanism. Distorted Self-Image: The trauma can lead to a distorted sense of self-worth and body image, affecting how survivors perceive and engage with their own sexuality. Hypersexuality or Sexual Aversion: Some may respond by becoming hypersexual, seeking validation or control through sex, while others might develop an aversion to sexual activity altogether. The Healing Process Healing from CSA is a deeply personal process that varies widely among survivors. However, some common steps can facilitate the journey toward reclaiming a healthy sense of sexuality: 1. Acknowledgment and Validation The first step is often the hardest: acknowledging the abuse and recognizing its impact. Survivors need to validate their experiences and emotions, understanding that the abuse was not their fault. Seeking support from a trusted friend, therapist, or support group can provide the necessary validation and a safe space to share their story. 2. Professional Therapy Engaging with a therapist who specializes in trauma and sexual abuse can be transformative. Therapeutic approaches such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), and Somatic Experiencing can help survivors process trauma, reduce symptoms, and develop healthier coping mechanisms. 3. Reconnecting with the Body Survivors often experience a disconnection from their bodies as a result of the abuse. Reconnecting with the body through practices like yoga, mindfulness, and somatic therapy can help restore a sense of safety and ownership over one’s physical self. These practices encourage present-moment awareness and can be powerful tools in reclaiming bodily autonomy. 4. Establishing Boundaries Learning to establish and assert healthy boundaries is crucial. This includes understanding personal limits, communicating needs, and recognizing that it’s okay to say no. Boundaries are essential for fostering a sense of control and safety in intimate interactions. 5. Exploring Healthy Sexuality Reclaiming sexuality involves exploring and understanding what feels safe and pleasurable. This might include self-exploration, solo sexual activities, or open communication with a partner. It’s about discovering what feels right on an individual level without pressure or judgment. 6. Building Trust and Intimacy Building trust takes time, patience, and effort. In relationships, open communication about fears, triggers, and needs is essential. Partners can support by being patient, understanding, and respectful of boundaries, fostering an environment where the survivor feels safe and valued. 7. Community and Peer Support Groups Joining support groups can provide a sense of community and shared experience. Hearing others’ stories and sharing one’s own can be incredibly validating and can reduce feelings of isolation. Discussions surrounding sexuality are part of The Gatehouse Phase 1 Out of the Darkness Into the Light 15 – week Program. For more information about this program, please click here Moving Forward Healing from CSA is a lifelong journey, marked by gradual progress and the occasional setback. It’s important for survivors to be gentle with themselves, celebrating small victories and seeking support when needed. Healing is not about forgetting the past but about integrating the experience into a narrative of resilience and growth. Sexuality is a fundamental part of being human, and reclaiming it after trauma is a powerful act of self-love and empowerment. Survivors deserve to experience pleasure, intimacy, and connection on their terms. With patience, support, and self-compassion, it is possible to heal and embrace a fulfilling and healthy sense of sexuality.
Empowering Survivors: Overcoming Shame and Guilt
Empowering Survivors into Overcoming Shame and Guilt Written by: Beatriz Cruz, Social Service Worker (Diploma), Previous Practicum Student Empowerment can be a useful tool in supporting survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse and in overcoming the shame and guilt associated with these experiences. In my experience as a placement student at The Gatehouse I have come across a few participants who mention having a lack of support from others and how this contributes to their internalization of shame and guilt and owning their abuse. Dorahy and Clearwater (2012), refer to shame as how people perceive themselves and how they believe they are perceived by others, and note that shame is associated with hostility and self-deprecating beliefs and reactions of the self. Furthermore, dissociation also plays a role in the regulation or elimination of feelings of shame (Dorahy and Clearwater, 2012). Guilt, on the other hand, is associated with self-evaluation and arises when an individual believes that they are breaking a social or moral code or violating their own beliefs (Dohary and Clearwater, 2012). Survivors of childhood sexual abuse often believe they are to blame for their experiences, which further allows for feelings of guilt and shame to persist. This is where empowerment comes in to work on those feelings of shame and form newer and more positive notions of the self. Moreover, empowerment in relation to survivors of childhood sexual abuse refers to the restoration of the individual’s self-control and well-being, and it can come from the individual and/or other supports (Itsaranuwat et al., 2021). Empowerment can come from the self via mindfulness meditation, in which one is able to cognitively reframe past and current experiences by becoming aware of negative and unhelpful thoughts associated with shame and guilt, and practice replacing them with more supportive and empathetic ones (Whitaker, 2017). In addition, part of self-empowerment may include recognizing a need for additional help with these thoughts and feelings and taking an additional step by reaching out to a professional or safe person to confide in. Empowering a survivor of childhood sexual abuse may look like this: Showing the survivor that you believe them and what they have experienced Actively listening to what the survivor has to say with no opinionated commentary Providing a safe space by acknowledging the survivor’s feelings Acknowledging their strength and courage in reaching out Thanking the survivor for confiding in you with their experience Encouraging decision-making regarding problems that allow survivors to regain their power/reclaim their voice, but ultimately leaving the power to decide and/or choose the course of action to the survivor (Itsaranuwat et al., 2021) Lastly, it is important to recognize survivors’ feelings regarding their sense of shame and guilt, however, it may be beneficial to remind them that what they experienced was not their fault. The last time I mentioned to a participant that they were not to blame for their abuse, this individual related back to me that they had not heard that sentence coming from someone else in a very long time and that they experienced a sense of relief upon hearing it. It may not sound like much, but it can mean a lot for survivors who experience self-blame along with shame and guilt. References Dorahy, M. J., & Clearwater, K. (2012). Shame and guilt in men exposed to childhood sexual abuse: A qualitative investigation. Journal of Child Sexual Abuse, 21(2), 155–175. https://doi.org/10.1080/10538712.2012.659803 Itsaranuwat, W., Pathumcharoenwattana, W., & Ua-amnoey, J. (2021). Empowerment to Sexual Assault Survivors: The Role of Family and Trustworthy Person. Psychology and Education Journal, 58(4), 2079–2084. Retrieved from http://psychologyandeducation.net/pae/index.php/pae/article/view/4977/4351. Whitaker, J. (2020, January 30). How to empower yourself to overcome shame. Mindful Ways to Wellness. Retrieved April 4, 2023, from https://www.mindfulwaystowellness.com/post/how-to-empower-yourself-to-overcome-shame
Low Self-Esteem and Childhood Sexual Abuse
Low Self-Esteem and Childhood Sexual Abuse Written by: Adewale Atoyebi, (He/Him/His) Placement Student, Diploma Student for Community & Justice Services at Humber College Low self-esteem has been highly linked to childhood sexual abuse. Children who have low self-esteem are vulnerable to sexual abuse because of their natural need for affection. Most children with low self-esteem feel the need to search for acceptance and admiration. Perpetrators know this. The elements are common among children bullied in schools or whose parents have low self-esteem. Children exhibiting such traits are likely to be drawn by those individuals who give them attention, flattery, and gifts. Perpetrators will often use these tactics to lure the child. Lack of self-worth and confidence may make the children vulnerable as they might not see they are supposed to be valued and respected. Parents need to ensure they help build their children’s self-esteem. Establishing good self-esteem for the children starts with parents responding to their children and making them feel safe. In addition, parents need to be present during their children’s growth and development to give them a sense of love. Altogether, parents can build their children’s self-esteem at a tender age by allowing them to explore. If the child falls and injures themselves, parents become available to pick them up, making them understand that they can depend on them. Good self-esteem normally develops through growing up in an environment where the child feels loved and secure (Keane, 2017). Parents can establish a secure environment by making their children feel safe and supported. If a child does not have parents who support them, it will lead to no one to trust, which will make their self-esteem low, making them vulnerable to sexual abuse. Another way that parents can help in building their children’s self-esteem is by assigning them duties around the house and rewarding them once they have completed. The element will give the child a sense of belonging in the household and their value. Also, when others are bullying a child, the parents should address the problem immediately and ensure the child feels safe again. Moreover, a parent should always show confidence whenever they are around their children, as a parent is the first role model of every child. Therefore, if a parent portrays a positive trait, the child will likely fall into the same course. Low self-esteem also leads to feelings of loneliness. Loneliness could lead a child to feel neglected, alienated, and isolated. Most sexual perpetrators play with children’s psychology by ensuring they are isolated from others. If a child has feelings of isolation, the perpetrator could use this vulnerability to lure and abuse them. Reference Keane, L., & Loades, M. (2017). Low self‐esteem and internalizing disorders in young people–a systematic review. Child and Adolescent Mental Health, 22(1), 4-15.
Healing Your Inner Child
Healing Your Inner Child Written By: Yeshi Lhamo, Yeshi Lhamo, She/Her/Hers, BA, Practicum Student, The Gatehouse, Individuals who have been sexually abused at a young age often carry a lot of heavy emotions. Healing the inner child is one of the most rewarding yet emotionally difficult processes that survivors engage with at The Gatehouse. There is no one answer, strategy, or solution to help an individual heal from the trauma of childhood sexual abuse. Everyone handles each situation differently; some express it, and some suppress it. After-effects of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) can include: Anxiety Anger Self-directed rage Emotional numbness These are just a few of many, many aftereffects survivors of childhood sexual abuse face. When an individual faces such traumatic events in their life at such a young age, their inner child is often attached to negative or uncomfortable feelings such as feelings of betrayal, alone, neglected, and hurt. When an individual has been affected by CSA connecting with their inner child can be extremely hard as it allows one to be directly confronted by the wounds of their past. Specialists in inner child work suggest that “connecting with your inner child slowly, gently, non-judgementally, and compassionately” (Rape Recovery Center, 2019) is a positive way to start healing. Steps to Healing your Inner Child can include: Forgiving yourself Journaling Talking to someone you trust or a certified therapist Meditation Consistent use of Affirmation Setting Boundaries This is just a small list of how CSA survivors can heal their inner children slowly. Everyone is different, and even if they have experienced the same trauma, it is handled and felt differently. Even taking what may be considered a little step such as going for a walk, or journaling can all be micro tips into gradually healing your inner child. References: Rape Recovery Center. (2020, March 17). Tools for healing: Connecting to your inner child. Rape Recovery Center. Retrieved May 18, 2022, from https://www.raperecoverycenter.org/newsletter/inner-child
Inner Child: A Visitor From the Past
Hello, fellow survivors!! I am a survivor and am taking part in the phase one peer support program at The Gatehouse. Since we began, we’ve discussed topics such as anger, addiction, and triggers. This week: the sixth session, was the first of three sessions that focus entirely on our “Inner Child.” I looked over the entire program when we first received it, but I had forgotten about this part of it, and it caused just a wee bit of anxiety…was I going to be able to connect with her, or would she be evasive like she’s been with some of my memories? We were asked to bring a photo of ourselves, one that had been taken during our childhood. I wasn’t sure what we were going to do with this photo, but I had no doubt which one I was going to choose; it had been given to me by my mother decades earlier. I never understood why she gave me something that I thought should have been a keepsake for her, but I put it in one of the middle drawers of my dresser, and pretty much forgot about it. When I went to get the photo in question, I realized there were some class photos, as well as a six-inch lock of my hair in the same envelope. I looked through the photos and then held up the lock of hair, remembering that it had been mine. The tears started rolling down my cheeks because it reminded me of a traumatic incident that happened to me when I was quite young – maybe five? My mother had gotten angry with me for going outside and messing up my hair. It had gotten tangled while I was outside playing and when I whined while she was trying to brush it, she took a pair of scissors and cut off one of my pigtails just above my left ear. I was devastated because I had just started kindergarten and here, I was looking like a little boy with a really bad haircut, instead of a little girl. I looked at the picture of me at least 10 times in the five days before this week’s group, and the more I looked at it, the more I realized how little I was. I was so young and vulnerable, and I didn’t deserve to be treated like I was less than human. The guilt and shame that I’d been living with for decades, should never have been directed at me – ever. As I mentioned earlier, I’d already read part of this week’s material, so I was nervous when Monday came, and the group started. I don’t know about you, but I’ve been hiding from my inner child; for decades, and I knew that trying to connect with her might not be easy. Not only that, but survivors also don’t always connect the first time and I was afraid that would be me. At the start of the meditation, the facilitator that was leading us through it told us to get comfortable, close our eyes and concentrate on the sound of her voice, and what she was saying. If you’ve never meditated before, you might find this difficult in the beginning, but I’ve been meditating for close to two years and I was able to open my mind completely. I listened to the facilitator’s voice gently guiding me towards my inner child: …breathe in and out, slowly and deep into your belly. …relax all the way down your back. …allow your thoughts to become peaceful. …go to a place where you felt safe as a child. …when you have something make the image as clear as you can. …now imagine your child self, coming towards you… I was getting to my safe place when I heard her say those last seven words, and as I heard them, my breathe caught in my throat. I could see her; me and as she walked towards me, I couldn’t hear the facilitator anymore, all I could hear was myself saying, you’re so small; you’re just a small child. It was bright; so incredibly bright, almost like the little child walking towards me was an angel and the light was shining out of her. She slowly walked towards me and as she took my hand in hers, I could see that her face was beaming with joy. I asked her what she wanted from me and she told me that she just wanted to walk with me. There was this bright light all around us, and it felt so good to be walking alongside her. We walked quietly, relishing in each other’s company, and when I asked her if she was tired from walking, she said yes. I then asked her if she wanted me to pick her up, and she nodded her head yes. I reached down and as I lifted her little body into my arms, I was reminded of how tiny she was. She reached up with both hands and stroked my hair before tucking her head under my chin and wrapping her arms around my neck. It felt so comforting to hold her, so I just stood there and rocked with her, telling her how much I loved her. We cried, but they were happy tears because we were so happy that we had finally reunited with one another. When I put her down, she held her hands out to me and when I reached out to see what she was giving to me, she very gently put a frog in my hand; smiled at me and skipped away. The meditation was so profound, especially the frog because I’ve always loved frogs and I believe it was a way for my inner child to show me that she wants me to get in touch with that little girl and show her how to play and be happy. She also wants me to stop blaming myself because she said that it never
Gratitude for Your Body & Brain
Gratitude for Your Body & Brain By Sherry Slejska Gratitude; a feeling of appreciation and one which good parents are quick to teach their children at a young age. While it might be the culturally appropriate auto reply we use to follow a welcomed exchange, it’s far deeper than a simple exchange. Gratitude is an acknowledgment of the good in one’s life. When we immerse ourselves in experiencing gratitude as opposed to a surface level expression, the experience can transform you. According to; Dr. Robert A. Ammons of the University of California, Davis, and Dr. Michael E. McCullough of the University of Miami, experts on the subject matter of gratitude; individuals who consistently write about things they are thankful for, were more optimistic and felt better. “Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgiving, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings.” – Proverb Optimism is a character trait that proclaims, “something good is going to happen”. It’s the product of positive emotions such as gratitude. Your emotions influence your sense of gratitude and gratitude influences your emotions. Combined they have the power to transform your body’s chemical and neurological existence: subsequently, the creation of dopamine and serotonin are increased, amplifying and prolonging a sense of wellness, mentally and physically – a cycle of positiveness continues. Initially, your efforts might need to be intentional as you mindfully incorporate a period of gratitude into your daily activities but over time your efforts are rewarded with a new default. Through regularly practicing gratitude, we can actually change our neural pathways in our brains. Over time, your former default setting, which may have been self-defeating negative thoughts become the less desired path for your brain to use. This can reduce anxiety and depression and produce a sustainable and more resilient new version of your mind The effect of gratitude on the brain is long-lasting (Moll, Zahn, et al. 2007). Gratitude helps release negative emotions; gratitude can reduce emotional and physical pain. In the Counting Blessings vs Burdens (2003), a study on the effect of gratitude on the body, 16% of people who kept a gratitude journal reported a reduction in physical pain. Gratitude can improve emotional resilience by helping us to notice the positive things in life. When this occurs negative ruminations are exchanged for optimism. To seek reasons to be grateful, even when things are tough, helps us accept the past and present so we are better able to take on the future with a clear mind. Here are a few ways you can get started: Keep a daily gratitude journal. Give yourself and others compliments as an expression of appreciation. Reach out to someone who you feel grateful for and express that gratitude to them or send them an email or text. Write a post it note of things you are grateful for and leave them around your house to see. Meditate and pray about that which you are grateful for. Select a time each day and set a reminder to look around and choose three things you are grateful for. Create gratitude lists. Look at any item and describe it to yourself with a sense of appreciation and wonder. Eventually, progress to find something to be grateful for in every good and difficult circumstance. Now, you’re starting to build resilience through gratitude! So gratitude is truly backed with goodness for the body and mind; let’s not neglect relationships. A healthy human experience requires supportive relationships. People who express and live in gratitude are enjoyable to be around – that’s reason enough to be grateful!
Peer Support Means Journeying with One Another
Peer Support Means Journeying with One Another I was in the car driving when my phone rang, it was one of the group members in my peer support group that I attend at The Gatehouse. I answered the call since I was alone, and the call went directly to Bluetooth. Before I could speak, I heard her voice and her feelings poured out like a river of pain. She was crying and I knew all too well what state of mind she must be in as I too have been there and will likely visit that dark and lonely place of torture again. She was having an emotional flashback. As my fellow traveler on the journey of healing would describe it, “I am so filled with guilt and shame.” I started to shed silent tears and soon composed myself as I wanted and needed to be there for her. “Breathe,” I said. “You know what to do. A big belly breath in and slow and steady out.” (Breathing is so important to help your sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system become balanced once again). She started to calm. “What are you seeing, smelling, hearing?” (This, we call grounding and helps someone in distress move away from their emotions so they can compose themselves and think logically. This reduces the impact and shortens the emotional flashback). I allowed her a few moments while I danced around traffic but reminded her that I am here for her and that she is not alone. I told her that she is loved. “ She sobbed quietly over the phone and I heard her moan, “I was so little.” “Yes you were”, I said. Then I asked her if that little preschool girl could possibly be responsible for what she was subject to at that age?” She said, “no, no she’s not”. “So, does she deserve the guilt and shame?” Calm arrived and we both exchanged words of gratitude, encouragement, and compassion. When a child experiences such a trauma, a person can relive all of the emotional and physical feelings. For years we exist, not knowing why overwhelming feelings can consume us. Understanding how the trauma impacts us can help us address each of the symptoms and as a community, we support one another to find the healing we have longed for. The Gatehouse staff and volunteers are trained in a variety of therapeutic techniques which use to empower the program participants; we, in turn, become equipped to manage ourselves and support one another’s healing journey. Once we experience a taste of healing, we crave it more, and eventually, the confident, compassionate, whole-person that we were always meant to be is given life. Healing allows us to love ourselves, and others.