Good day, The Gatehouse Annual General Meeting will be taking place on Thursday, June 24th from 4 pm – 5:30 pm EST via Zoom online meetings. In order to vote at the AGM, your membership fee for 2021 must be paid. Register to confirm your attendance here Agenda: Providing an overview of 2020 activities Review and approval of financials Voting-in of Board members. Musical performance by Daniella Zarubica at this year’s event. Membership Cost: Membership is $10 per year. If you have not yet paid your membership fee for 2021, please go to http://thegatehouse.org/become-a-member/ to pay online using a credit card or PayPal. Once your membership fee is paid and confirmed you will receive a Zoom link to the AGM meeting. Benefits of being an official member of The Gatehouse As a member you will: Receive information about programs and services we offer Attend and vote at the annual general meeting every spring Connect with other persons in the community to procure in-kind services and possible donations Participate in volunteer activities in support of the Gatehouse based on your area of interest and expertise, for example fundraising initiatives, annual 5k run/walk, house maintenance, painting, landscaping, community awareness, conference planning, program development and research, social media, photography, film production. It’s your way to be involved in meaningful activities that address the trauma of childhood sexual abuse!
Impact of Childhood Sexual Abuse
Impact of Childhood Sexual Abuse on Survivors’ Sexual Behaviours. Psychological Functioning & Cognitive Development Excerpts from a research report written By: Camila Ruiz Tacha, Previous Placement Student, The Gatehouse, 2019 Child Sexual Abuse (CSA) is a prevalent issue in society, in which 8% to 31% of girls and 3% to 17% of boys have been sexually abused (Cited in Vrolijk-Bosschaart, Verlinden, Langendam, De Smet, Teeuw, Brilleslijper-Kater, and Lindauer, 2018). “Sexual abuse occurs when a person uses his/her power over a child and involves the child in any sexual act” (Rimer, & Prager, 2016). Experiencing this type of trauma during childhood can have devastating effects on a child, as traumatic experiences can alter the functioning of the brain (Rimer, & Prager, 2016). Thus, it is important to further explore the impact that sexual abuse can have on the growth and development of a child. It is important to note the traumatic outcomes that child sexual abuse has on a child’s sexual behavior, psychological functioning, and cognitive development. Sexual Behaviours Child sexual abuse impacts the way in which a child sexually behaves in accordance with their age. Child victims of sexual abuse may portray sexual behaviours in two ways; displaying sexual behaviours that are uncommon at their age and engaging in risky sexual behaviour later in adolescence or in adulthood. One of the most obvious signs in that a child has been sexually abused is when they began to exhibit sexual behaviours that are out of the norm (Latzman & Latzman 2015). To further understand how CAS impacts a child’s sexual behaviour, it is critical to further explore what abnormal sexual behaviours consist of. Children 5 – 12 years old who have been sexually abused tend to force their friends into sexual activity, draw sexualized images, re-enact adult sexual activities, sexualize all relationships and have unusual sexual knowledge (Rimer & Prager, 2016). Normal sexual behaviour for this age group, on the other hand, comprises of curiosity in sexuality (Rimer & Prager, 2016). An example of this could be asking questions like “where do babies come from?” As well, it could be wanting to learn the names of body parts (Rimer & Prager, 2016). This interest in sexuality is considered age-appropriate and normal coming from a child. Evidently, the way in which a child sexually behaves is truly impacted by being sexually abused as a child’s perceptions and preconceived ideas on what is sexually appropriate at their age is based on their experiences. Furthermore, children who have been sexually abused may partake in risky sexual behaviours in adolescence or adulthood (Latzman, and Latzman, 2015). Seeing as children who are sexually abused have a misconception on what healthy sexual relationships look like, due to what they have experienced, it is more likely that they engage in risky sexual behaviours that can negatively affect them in the future. According to van Roode, Dickson, Herbison, & amp; Paul, (2009), risky sexual behaviour is exhibited through early onset consensual sexual activity, unprotected intercourse, and having multiple sexual partners. These behaviours can lead to unwanted pregnancies, and sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Consequently, child victims of sexual abuse may not understand the repercussions for their sexual behaviours as a result of what they have been exposed to in their childhood. Therefore, child sexual abuse greatly affects how the victim sexually behaves not only as a child but later on in adolescence and adulthood. Psychological Functioning Moreover, child sexual abuse also influences a child’s psychological functioning. Psychological functioning refers to an individual’s capability in achieving goals within themselves and includes behaviour, emotion, social skills, and overall mental health (Preedy, & Watson, 2010). Being a victim of child sexual abuse can result in long-term psychological effects that can carry into adulthood (Güven, Dalgiç, & Erkol, 2018). Ultimately, a child’s mental health and self-esteem is greatly impacted after being exposed to sexual abuse. Mental health illnesses can arise following such a traumatic experience. Some of those illnesses include depression, eating disorders, anxiety, fear, and PTSD (most common) (Güven, Dalgiç, & Erkol, 2018). Unfortunately, these mental health illnesses can impact social functioning, and interfere with daily tasks. Additionally, seeing how stigmatized mental health is, may interfere with the child’s ability to seek help. Self-esteem is also another factor that is greatly altered at the experience of sexual abuse. Especially in childhood, a child’s self-esteem is critical, as it resonates with self-perception (Güven, Dalgiç, & Erkol, 2018). According to Roberto Maniglio, (2009), sexual abuse lowers self-esteem and in the long term, puts children and youth at risk for depression and suicidal ideation. Due to the self-perception being altered after being sexually abused, it is critical to recognize how a child’s self-esteem can be impacted, and how it can be transitioned into adolescence and adulthood. It is critical to understand that the psychological factors being affected can impact an individual’s relationships with themselves, peers, and family members. Cognitive Development The cognitive development of a child can also be affected if when they have been sexually abused. To further understand the implications of sexual abuse on cognitive development, it is critical to explore what defines it. In Jean Piaget’s stages of cognitive growth, school-aged children are at the concrete operational stage, where children are able to organize ideas and think logically (Steinberg, Bornstein, Vandell, & Rook, 2011). Cognitive development involves changes in intellectual abilities such as memory, thinking, reasoning, language, problem-solving, and decision-making (Steinberg, Bornstein, Vandell, & Rook, 2011). Unfortunately, when children are sexually abused, their intellectual abilities can be affected. Research has shown that those who have experienced child sexual abuse have a decrease in school performance, and their communication skills are jeopardized (Güven, Dalgiç, and Erkol, 2018). Furthermore, in a study done on school-aged girls by Daignault & Hébert (2009), it was reported that those who had experienced sexual abuse were affected in their vocabulary and knowledge and required additional academic services. Evidently, sexual abuse impacts a child’s cognitive development. Considering that in school-aged children their cognitive skills are still developing, having an impediment in academics
Grieving For A Lost Childhood
Grieving for a Lost Childhood By Maria Barcelos and Sherry Slejska For survivors of childhood sexual abuse, the pain associated with acknowledging the past, understanding it and accepting and then finally healing can simply be overwhelming. Finding meaningful and lasting healing typically involves grieving for the loss of a healthy childhood, the survivor’s innocence, and sense of self. Many suffer decades of loneliness and isolation, trying to cope with the shame, guilt, and fear of being vulnerable in relationships. Abuse is a violation of trust and once violated, survivors experience deepened shame and disconnection with self and others. ” It might come as no surprise that I revisited the idea of grief this week. When I was a participant at The Gatehouse, I was still rejecting the idea that it wasn’t my fault, so grieving certainly was an interesting idea but I wasn’t there. This weekend, I was able to celebrate the courageous little girl I was and say goodbye to the victim, and really open to the future. I thought I had found peace, but it was nothing like this version” – Sherry S., Peer Facilitator, The Gatehouse Many survivors kept the abuse secret – often threatened or guilted, and too young to understand what happened or to advocate for themselves when it occurred. The secret became ongoing silence, and silence gave way to self judgement which nurtured the abounding shame; that sense that “I am a mistake and that there is something very wrong about me.” These latter thoughts can be further reinforced especially if the survivor depended on the abuser (e.g., parent supporting them financially or survivor was manipulated to thinking the abuse was a form of love) and the impact even more challenging of they did come forward and were not believed. The shame that ensues following childhood sexual abuse may keep survivors bound to the past; mentally, physically, and emotionally. We often see evidence of this in daily behaviors and adaptive ways of perceiving and navigating life. Those that blame themselves for what happened may further isolate and can become dissociative, disconnection, and live on what on might call “survival mode” as fear and shame direct their decisions and actions. We often hear, “I had no idea my struggles were a direct consequence of childhood trauma.” It can take decades for survivors to come forward and break the silence, and by this time, many other losses and injuries have occurred, and they have likely struggled for many years. The losses experienced by a CSA survivor can be great. “My self-esteem suffered. My ability to make friendships and connect with others suffered. My ability to trust became skewed transaction-based thinking and understanding boundaries can be a near foreign idea” A common thought we hear about is “They are being nice to me, what do they want?” And people pleasing can become second nature as survivors either seek to avoid people or find safety around them. This is not an exhaustive description of the losses that survivors experience. Releasing the grasp of shame involves grieving for a lost childhood. Reconnecting with the inner child, the little person that lives in all of us. The little person that is sometimes screaming for help, frustrated, and needing attention, or sad and needing a hug. Grieving the various injuries suffered, and the losses experienced after the abuse. Grieving involves being validated for your strengths, your courage, and your wholeness as a person all of which comes from within. When a survivor accepts that it wasn’t their fault. The shame was not theirs to have and compassionately looks back at the child and all that little person’s lost, the healing can really start to take hold. “I can honestly say, after grieving the fullness of what was lost; from the tangible things like relationships, education and a meaningful career to the deeper stuff like poor self esteem, boundary impairment, emotional dysregulation and all that goes with not developing a wholeness of The Self, I’m finally good. I can breathe and say good-by to what was once a very painful past and be open to a future of possibilities.” – Sherry S., Peer Facilitator, The Gatehouse. Recommended Reads
Dissociation and Reconnection
Dissociation and Re-connection Written by: Brandon Miles, Practicum Student, Social Service Worker Program Many survivors of childhood sexual abuse and trauma experience dissociation. When the triggers happen, survivors may dissociate from reality to help them cope. Experiencing dissociation can feel like you are disconnected from your thoughts, feelings, and memories. It can impact your perception of time and it may feel like you are disconnected from the world. Dissociation can happen at any time, and in any place. Remembering traumatic events or times of your life that you don’t wish to remember may trigger a dissociative state. Other indications that you are experiencing dissociation includes feeling as if you are out of your body or you are a different person sometimes, and feelings of being emotionally numb or detached. The symptoms often and usually go away on their own and can be minutes to longer periods of time. Dissociation is often triggered by your fight or flight response. If you are experiencing dissociation, it may be helpful to reach out for some support from a mental health professional, your family healthcare team and or your peer support network. Here are some helpful tips to help reconnect with reality: Learning mindful breathing. When feeling a sense of dissociation, trying to focus on your breathing can help you bring back to the normal self and come back to “reality”. This also helps and sends signals to your body letting you know that you are safe and are alright. There are many different mindful breathing tools available online. A simple one can be to count to four in your mind as you inhale and count to four again as you exhale. Notice how the breath enters your body. Is it cool, warm? Try grounding movement-based activities. For example, Tai Chi or Yoga. Meditation may be helpful, especially guided meditations around topics of gratitude, self-worth, and autonomy. Focusing your mind to feelings of peace and gratefulness helps to shift the attention to feeling grounded. Keep a journal. This could be beneficial as you can right down unhelpful thoughts, identify triggers and ways to manage stressors. Spend time with your pet. An emotional support animal could be extremely beneficial. Having a pet that loves you unconditionally especially when you are feeling dissociative can bring your levels of stress down and can help you focus on being present. Go on nature walks. Being in nature has been scientifically proven to help calm your thoughts, and to help us stay grounded and more connected with the present moment. Dancing, singing, and music can also help us feel connected. Moving and listening to music can help us feel calmer, which in turn can help us be more connected with one’s self. These grounding techniques may help you lessen the frequency of dissociation and refocus to feeling safe in the present moment, build resilience, self-love, and grounding. You have the capacity to find the reconnection that you deserve, reconnecting with your inner child and learning to build your resilience and self-worth in community. YOU are YOU and you cannot be anyone else on this planet. Your past does not define who you are. You are worthy of connection, love and belonging. Recommended Reads:
What is Oppositional Defiant Disorder and How Can I Help my Child with ODD?
What is Oppositional Defiant Disorder and How Can I Help my Child with ODD? A Review of Dr. Gina Antencio-McLean, PsyD Book “Overcoming Oppositional Defiant Disorder: A Two-Part Treatment Plan to Help Parents and Kids Work Together” By: Maria Barcelos, MA, Executive Director The Gatehouse How Can I help My Child when they are diagnosed with Oppositional Defiance Disorder (ODD)? As a parent, being able to help my children feel safe, manage difficult emotions, adapt to life transitions and build self-confidence, and resilience is of utmost importance to me. Many parents struggle with shame-based thinking of not being good enough in general, and intensified shame at not being a good enough parent. These thoughts are further exacerbated when your child presents with additional needs, such as ODD. Having a child with different needs requires us to do some unlearning of unhelpful behaviours and learning of healthier ways to respond to be better able to support our children. This article is a brief review of Dr. Gina Antencio-McLean’s book “Overcoming Oppositional Defiant Disorder: A Two-Part Treatment Plan to Help Parents and Kids Work Together.” As a parent, I highly recommend this resource for any caregiver who is struggling to find other ways to respond and support their child. Ramke (n.d.) noted that all children can be oppositional or defiant at times. However, what distinguishes ODD from normal oppositional behavior is how severe it is, and how long it has been going on for. A child with ODD will have had extreme behavior issues for at least six months. ODD is usually diagnosed around early elementary school ages. Children with ODD have a well-established pattern of behavioural responses, which can include: Being unusually angry and irritable Frequently losing their temper Being easily annoyed Arguing with authority figures Refusing to follow rules Deliberately annoying people Blaming others for mistakes Being vindictive Dr. Antencio-McLean reminds every parent that children with ODD are not bad kids. They are doing the best they can. Children with ODD may have increased challenges being flexible and adaptable to changes in their environment. This is why you might notice that your ODD child behaves differently at school then they do at home. As a parent, educating yourself on what inspires your child is a critical step in learning valuable life skills. It is important to emulate positive reinforcement for whatever behaviour you are trying to encourage them to change. For example, loading the dishwasher may start with the child taking their plate and placing it on the kitchen counter. Acknowledging them for their help with the dishes is a good start. Many behaviours may be difficult for your child. However, it is important to reinforce for yourself as a parent, that your child is a good kid and has the capacity to learn. They may need more time, positive reinforcement and patience to do so. Opportunities for positively reinforcing favourable behaviours involve recognizing them when they are making small changes. Small changes lead to bigger changes over time. Furthermore, identifying which skills your child needs to help them meet their goals is critical for your child to feel supported, heard and validated. Dr. Antencio-McLean reinforces that children need to learn how to regulate their emotions and how to self-soothe. This is a foundational goal in helping children with ODD to regulate emotional states. Identifying feelings is the first step in the emotional regulation process. We learn to self-soothe from our own parents or other caregivers as children. As survivors of childhood sexual abuse, we may have been further presented with unhelpful modelling behaviours by our parents. For example, not being able to talk about our feelings, being judged or criticized. It is important that we also continue to work on our own responses to trauma to further be able to model healthier responses for our children. Dr. Antencio-McLean reminds us that some children need further help to calm themselves. Children with ODD may be more sensitive and need further support to self-regulate and soothe unhelpful sensations they are experiencing. She highlights behaviour change takes time and practice and that practicing in those times of calm will be most beneficial to helping our children learn to regulate emotions as our brains learn best when we are calm. For example, identifying a feeling and rating its intensity can be quite helpful for you and your child to identify what is happening for them in the moment. Using deep breathing or identifying some items in the home or school environment to help distract them to these items that are safe may help. E.g., How are you feeling? What level of intensity 1 low to 10 high? Let’s shift our focus to something colourful in our home that we like. How many blue things do you notice in the living room? Name one green item that you can see. Another helpful strategy can be to pass an ice cube from hand to hand to refocus on the cold sensation and minimize the emotional intensity. Regular exercise and socialization with friends help them stay present in the moment, which can be helpful for self-regulation. This is not an exhaustive list. Dr. Antencio-McLean noted that not every tool will be applicable to every person. As survivors of childhood sexual abuse, we can be hard on ourselves and further reinforce the “I am not good enough belief” in times of stress. This is an opportune time for us to redirect our attention to the fact that we are trying to help our child (and sometimes at the same time, our own inner child who is struggling with the very difficult emotions of confusion, grief or sadness that our children struggle with). Be kind to yourself and your child. Changing behaviour is not something that happens overnight. It takes time, patience and repetition. As parents, we have firsthand experience and awareness as to what problematic behaviour our child is displaying. Awareness is key to identifying what behaviours are needing change. Take some time to reflect on
Art Show Fundraiser
Excited to share Kingsway-Lambton United Church #artshow For 10 days, from Friday, March 19 to Sunday, March 28, 2021. they will be hosting their annual Art Show Fundraiser. Now online! For more info visit www.kingswaylambton.ca/artshow #showart #artshows #artshow #fundraiserevent #charityfundraiser #artfundraiser #virtualfundraiser #fundraiserfun Proceeds from the event support local charities including The Gatehouse. Thank you to the tireless efforts of the Kingsway Lambton team, who year after year, organize this event to help their local community.
Living Works Start Suicide Prevention Course
Living Works Start Suicide Prevention Introductory 90-Minute Online Course -$30* People and organizations around the world are using LivingWorks Start to learn life-saving skills. Learn life-saving skills anytime, anywhere! In just 90 minutes online, LivingWorks Start teaches trainees to recognize when someone is thinking about suicide and connect them to help and support. During COVID-19, we’re offering LivingWorks Start at a reduced price and donating a portion of the proceeds to relief efforts. Click here to purchase LivingWorks Start. LivingWorks will build your profile in their learning software system, then you can begin your training right away or come back to it when you’re ready. Single License (about $30 CDN) Use the “single license” option when purchasing a license of LivingWorks Start for yourself. You’ll be taken to LivingWorks Connect, their online learning portal, to create an account and then you can begin LivingWorks Start whenever you’re ready! The LivingWorks Start experience LivingWorks Start teaches valuable skills to everyone 13 and older and requires no formal training or prior experience in suicide prevention. When you sign up for LivingWorks Start training, you’ll learn a powerful four-step model to keep someone safe from suicide, and you’ll have a chance to practice it with impactful simulations. Safety resources and support are available throughout the program.
Trust
Trust by: Amy Tai We flex our trust muscles every day, whether we realize it or not. We trust our alarms to wake us up on time, our cars to get us to work, the pilot to land the plane, our hearts to keep beating. Without even thinking twice about it, we trust so many people and things. But at what point do we realize that trust is something that has to be earned? Trust is about so much more than just believing that someone will do what they say they will do. It is about allowing yourself to be emotionally exposed and vulnerable in front of someone. Inviting someone into the deepest, darkest parts of your life, not knowing how they will respond but trusting they will be supportive. Learning to trust, be vulnerable and share with others is courage in action. This is what happens at The Gatehouse. Survivors of childhood sexual abuse, are sometimes for the first time ever, trusting others with their story. Dr. Brené Brown explains trust with the acronym “B.R.A.V.I.N.G”, Brené explains that; Boundaries, Reliability, Accountability, Vault, Integrity, Non-Judgment, and Generosity are critical components of trust. As she continues to explain each word it becomes clear that trust is a two-way street. To trust others, you first have to believe that you are worthy of receiving whatever it is you are trusting the other person to give you; whether it be support, encouragement, or love. In the same way, when we are determining if a person is trustworthy or not, we also need to examine ourselves and ask if we are trustworthy as well. Since trust is earned, it can also be lost. Once our trust is lost or broken, it is hard to learn to trust again. We can easily build up walls, shutting everyone out, and genuinely believe (or trust) that we are protecting ourselves. Dr. Jennice Vilhauer explains that “when our trust is broken it is not just with the other person, but often with ourselves. We not only question what the other person did but how we let the betrayal happen (2016).” When we forgive and try to move forward in building back that broken trust, it is not just something we do for the sake of the other person, but something that is crucial for our own inner peace and wellbeing. Trust is the foundation upon which our relationships are built. When someone betrays your trust, it does not just affect that relationship, but all our relationships. When we try to repair the broken trust, it is important that we give ourselves compassion and forgiveness. While it is easy to feel you are the one to blame for trusting in the first place, what someone chooses to do to you is not a reflection of you, but of them. For this reason, it is important that before anything, you restore trust with yourself before you rebuild trust with someone else. Learning to trust someone for the first time is hard enough, and so, learning to trust someone who has betrayed us before may not even make sense or be safe. By exploring trust and how it has hurt you but also being open to healthy trust in the future can give you the freedom to regain control of other relationships. It takes so much courage, to trust someone, and let ourselves be vulnerable once we have lived through great betrayal. But it opens the doors to so much possibility, potential, and healing. We have to trust in the possibilities of our lives before we can trust someone else to provide us with those opportunities. We have to trust that we have potential before we can trust someone else to help us unlock that potential. We have to trust our own strength before we can trust someone else to show us how strong we are. In every circumstance, whether it be your relationship, your alarm, or the pilot of the plane you are on, trust begins with yourself. You have the choice; you hold the power. Do you trust yourself and embrace your vulnerability – flaws and all? Or do you continue to shelter behind the walls you have built? As Johann Wolfgang von Goethe once said, “As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.” References Vilhauer, J. (2016, September 4). How to rebuild trust with someone who hurt you. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/living-forward/201609/how-rebuild-trust-someone-who-hurt-you
Anxiety and Managing Anxiety
Anxiety and Managing Anxiety by: Jasmine Lem, BSc, Practicum Student Anxiety is a feeling we are all familiar with. Life can be busy and complicated, filled with work, school, family, and so forth, and it can sometimes be overwhelming. Anxiety exists on a continuum of mild to severe and can be experienced through our emotions (i.e. worry or fear), thoughts (i.e. “I’m going to fail this”), and physical symptoms (i.e. racing heart). It is our body’s natural way of responding to stress. It can be felt before writing an exam, during a job interview, and in front of a large crowd. These are all perfectly standard stressful situations to feel anxious in, however, it is important to note that there is a very important distinction between feelings of anxiousness and anxiety disorders. Normal feelings of anxiousness are usually short-lived, happens on occasion, and typically do not result in any meaningful consequences. In fact, normal anxiety can be a good thing, because it is your body’s fight or flight response to a potentially threatening and stressful situation. Anxiety disorders, however, are anxiety symptoms that become uncomfortable to the point where it interferes with your job, with school, with your personal life, and in general, daily life functioning. Anxiety symptoms can arise for no apparent reason, are chronic, and/or occur as intense episodes (Center for Addiction and Mental Health, n.d.). Anxiety disorders can be broken down into categories such as Panic Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, and Social Anxiety Disorder. The different types of anxiety disorders although may be experienced differently, can all be characterized by irrational and excessive fear, apprehensive and tense feelings, and difficulty managing daily tasks (CAMH, n.d). Signs and symptoms include anxious thoughts (i.e. I feel like I am going crazy), predictions (i.e. I will blank out during my presentation), beliefs (i.e. I am weak because I am anxious), avoidance behaviours, and excessive physical reactions (i.e. racing heart, sweating, shortness of breath). Causes and risks factors for anxiety disorders include traumatic events, childhood development issues, and family history for anxiety. In Canada, anxiety disorders affect approximately 5% of household populations, causing mild to severe impairments (Canadian Mental Health, 2019). Nonetheless, whether you experience fleeting symptoms of anxiety or are diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, there are many ways you can manage anxiety to encourage positive wellbeing. This is of course, aside from professional treatments and interventions for diagnosed anxiety disorders. There are many techniques and skills that you can employ in your everyday routine or when your anxiety flares up that can help you manage and cope with anxious feelings. However, firstly, awareness is key. It is important to self-reflect and understands what your triggers are, why they are, and how anxiety presents itself for you as thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. Further, to be aware of and learn different coping strategies that work for you based on your needs. This allows you to proactively anticipate feelings of anxiety and engage your toolbox of skills and techniques to better help you manage them. As mentioned, there are many techniques and coping skills you can use to manage anxiety. They include grounding techniques, and cognitive and mindfulness activities. Below are some techniques you can use. It is also important to note that not every technique or skill works for everyone and for all the time. You may need to engage in a lot of self-reflection and trial and error to see what works best for you. We are also constantly changing, and what works for us one day may not work the next. Before starting and while executing any of these activities, focus on your breathing and take a couple of deep breaths. This allows your body to relax and encourages your mind to focus on the present moment. Grounding Techniques and Mindfulness Activities: The act of grounding is to bring yourself to the present and focus on your physical body or surroundings, instead of the thoughts that are causing you to feel overwhelmed and anxious. One grounding exercise is the 54321 activity. This activity encourages you to engage your senses by acknowledging 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. Another activity is holding and focusing on an object and making as many observations as you can of it. Other activities include planting both feet on the ground and focusing on how it feels, and savoring a favourite scent, whether through a candle or perfume bottle. You can also engage in mindfulness activities by doing yoga, meditation, and deep breathing exercises. There are plenty of resources available to you for free, if you have access to the internet, that you can use to follow guided meditation pieces, yoga videos, and deep breathing exercises. There are also wellbeing apps you can use that provide different kinds of mindfulness activities on the go. Journaling: Journaling helps you to label and put into words your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. You can start a gratitude journal by writing about 3 things you are grateful for every night. You can also journal affirmations you can say to yourself during the day, such as “I am enough” or “I am safe, and I am loved”. Additionally, you can start a thought journal, tracking negative and positive thoughts you experienced through the day, identifying what happened and why you think you felt that way, and reframing any negative self-thoughts to positive ones. Physical Activity: Physical activity can help ease anxiety because it releases feel-good endorphins. It also comes with many psychological benefits, such as increasing confidence. Consider adding a daily exercise routine to your schedule or go for daily walks. Self-Care: It is important to engage in self-care as often as you can. Life can get overwhelming with all the responsibilities you have, and it can be very easy to forget to take care of yourself. Try to carve some time out for yourself by
The Transformational Power of Grit
The Transformational Power of Grit by Sherry Slejska | January 9. 2021 “Dedicated to the wonderful women & John in my peer support group!” Few words can describe the character of someone who survives great hardship and then embarks on a transformational journey of personal discovery. Perhaps grit might be one of those words. We make heroes of the famed professional athletes pursuing their own story of greatness. We find powerful inspiration in their blood, sweat, tears, and triumph. We cheer from the sidelines for the underdog in a dog eat dog arena. In fact, if you were to place a wager, it would be the underdog who has the greatest payout. They learn more, do more, work harder, become more resilient and embrace self compassion when they fall short. And when they fail, they get back up and try again. It’s the metamorphosis of the wounded, disabled, persecuted, victimized, and disadvantaged that inspires radical change for others. These are the places grit is born and grows and becomes infectious. Michael Jordan was cut from his highschool basketball team; he went on to become one of the NBA’s all-time best athletes. Bethany Hamilton lost her arm to a shark attack; with one arm, she became a pro surfer. Micheal Phelps suffered from ADHD and has 8 Olympic gold medals to his credit for swimming. Kieran Behan lived through life-threatening cancer and a severe brain injury; he qualified for the 2012 Olympic games in London.1 These athletes are legendary because of the grit they demonstrated to persevere through their pain, fears and adversity. The world draws on their stories to find inspiration and hope. What about Adela who lost her right leg to cancer when she was only 10 years old? She is now a nurse in Toronto and helps others journey through cancer treatment. Arden came to Canada as a refugee when he was 12. He had seen atrocities beyond words and experienced homelessness and hunger. He embraced every opportunity to integrate into his new country; overcoming cultural, language, and financial barriers. He presently works as a software engineer and has a wife, two children, and a home in Mississauga, Ontario. Nadia would sleep in her closet to hide from her abuser. She fled to the streets and became a heroin addict to numb the pain from her past. To pay for her addiction she prostituted herself. Today, she is clean. She works as an addiction counselor helping others confront their pain and be released from their addictions. These are inspiring stories but let’s face it, we rarely hear the word, grit, used to describe seemingly average people who have faced extraordinary adversity. It’s when Stuart wakes up each day and gets out of bed as depression weighs down on him and he feels like he’d rather die. It’s when Nguyen had the courage to walk away from an abusive relationship. It’s when Marco rejects the negative stories his head tells him which are untrue. It’s when Mela consciously pauses, allowing powerful emotions to pass through her before responding. It’s when I resist the intense desire to overreact and accept that my brain sometimes malfunctions as a result of a traumatic past. It’s when we turn inward to confront feelings like guilt and shame; releasing them and finding a lightness and freedom for the first time ever. These are the places grit resides. “Some say you need to stand on top of the world to accomplish greatness when really you just need to stand on top of your own fears.” - Ray Slejska It’s our own courageous human struggles as we face fears and take on challenging emotional and physical pain that can help us find our grit and become a beacon of inspiration for others. Grit is defined as the firmness of mind or spirit: unyielding courage in the face of hardship or danger.2 Angela Duckworth, psychologist and author of, Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance explains that grit is a mental toughness that helps you persevere even in the face of obstacles.3 When we face our hardships and not deny or run from them, we nurture our own mental toughness and grit. Our failures and imperfections provide rich knowledge and wisdom to support the development of courage, conscientiousness, perseverance, resilience, and passion; the essential ingredients of grit. “Success is not final, failure is not fatal, it is the courage to continue that counts.” (Winston Churchill) “Grit is passion and perseverance for long-term goals,” says Duckworth. Imagine what it might be like to embrace this next quote? “Grit is sticking with your future, day in, day out, not just for the week, not just for the month, but for years, and working really hard to make that future a reality.”4 It allows you and your circumstances to be less than ideal right now. It opens up the idea that your present challenge is part of this gritty journey that you are on, but not all of it. Now, are you starting to see the transformational power of grit? _____________________________________________________________________________________ 1 Locke, R. (2015, May 18). The Stories Of These 5 Athletes Will Motivate Everyone Of You. Retrieved January 08, 2021, from https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/the-stories-these-5-athletes-will-motivate-everyone-you.html 2 Grit. (n.d.). Retrieved January 08, 2021, from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/grit 3 Duckworth, A. (2016). Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance. Toronto, Ontario, Canada. Harper Collins Publishers. Ltd. 4 Duckworth, A. (2016). Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance. Toronto, Ontario, Canada. Harper Collins Publishers. Ltd.