Truth and Reconciliation Event September 29, 2023 – We gathered together to remember, heal, and empower communities at The Gatehouse Healing Garden. We are grateful for the courage, knowledge sharing, wisdom and kindness of Kristi White, Leonard Benoit, and Kaitlyn Chapman. The event helped to shed light on critical issues facing Indigenous peoples in Canada through an impactful art exhibit, research presentations by students, and engaging storytelling. As we gathered in this serene oasis, we honored and remembered the rich cultural heritage of Indigenous communities while addressing the challenges they face today.  The Gatehouse was presented with an Eagle Feather at this event by Kristi White, who highlighted the responsibility of the protection of children and the work The Gatehouse. An Eagle Feather symbolizes respect, honour, strength, courage and wisdom. Speaker Bios Kaitlyn Chapman – Kaitlyn is from the Tyendinaga Mohawk Territory now living in Toronto. She is the Indigenous Community Engagement Coordinator at Humber College and actively works with her team to partner with Indigenous communities to develop outreach initiatives that are meaningful, authentic, and responsive to the strengths and diverse needs of Indigenous learners, families, and communities. Leonard Benoit – Leonard, is Qalipu Mi’kmaq from Burgeo, Newfoundland and Labrador, is one of 10 Indigenous patient navigators working across the province. He supports patients at Sunnybrook’s Odette Cancer Centre and other hospitals in Toronto. Kristi White – Kristi is a member of the Oneida Nation of the Thames. She is an author and her focus is on Indigenous language and culture revitalization, and an awakening in boy’s literacy. Kristi White a proud Haudnosaunee woman. As a mother and grandmother, Kristi has spent many years guiding the establishment and implementation of programs for families and children based around healthy living, healthy relationships, literacy and cultural appropriate content and has worked alongside and consulted with numerous agency’s across Canada. Kristi is a children’s Author who h as a 5 book series, The Adventures of Jay and Gizmo, that is focused on indigenous children especially boys and literacy. Kristi and her family are very culturally and socially active in their communities and participate in many events and ceremonies. The Healing Garden will serve as a symbolic space for us to learn, share experiences, and collectively move towards healing and understanding. It provides an opportunity to engage with diverse perspectives, fostering empathy and compassion.

Education and Awareness: Teaching Children about Body Safety and Consent By: Harjot Singh, Practicum Student, Alternative Dispute Resolution Post-Grad Certificate Program Children’s safety and well-being are of paramount importance, and one crucial aspect of their education is teaching them about body safety and consent. By equipping children with knowledge and skills related to these topics, we empower them to protect themselves, establish boundaries, and recognize inappropriate behavior. In this article, we will explore the significance of educating children about body safety and consent, discuss age-appropriate approaches to teaching these concepts, and highlight the importance of fostering a safe and open environment for discussions on these sensitive subjects. Educating children about body safety and consent is essential for their personal safety, emotional well-being, and development of healthy relationships. It equips children with the tools to recognize and respond to inappropriate behavior, understand their rights over their own bodies, and develop a sense of autonomy. By teaching children about consent, we instill in them the understanding that they have the right to set boundaries and that their consent should always be respected. This knowledge empowers children to advocate for themselves and seek help if they encounter situations that make them uncomfortable or unsafe. When teaching children about body safety and consent, it is essential to consider their age and developmental stage. Younger children can be introduced to basic concepts such as the proper names for body parts, understanding that their bodies belong to them, and the importance of saying “no” to unwanted touch. As children grow older, discussions can expand to topics such as understanding personal boundaries, distinguishing between safe and unsafe touch, and learning to communicate their feelings and boundaries effectively. Adolescents can be educated about consent within the context of relationships, emphasizing the importance of mutual respect, communication, and the absence of coercion. Fostering a safe and open environment is crucial for teaching children about body safety and consent. It is important to create a non-judgmental space where children feel comfortable asking questions, sharing their concerns, and expressing their emotions. Encouraging open dialogue and active listening enables children to develop a deeper understanding of these topics and builds trust between adults and children. Parents, caregivers, and educators play a vital role in modeling healthy boundaries, respectful behavior, and appropriate communication, setting an example for children to follow. Additionally, collaboration with schools and communities to implement comprehensive sex education programs can ensure that children receive consistent and age-appropriate information about body safety and consent. Teaching children about body safety and consent is a critical component of their education and personal development. By equipping children with the knowledge, skills, and understanding of their rights, we empower them to protect themselves, establish boundaries, and foster healthy relationships. It is our collective responsibility to create a safe and open environment where these discussions can take place, ensuring the safety and well-being of children in our communities. For more information and resources about Body Safety, please check out Rosalia Rivera at Consent Parenting https://www.consentparenting.com/ Consent, Kids, and Culture | Rosalia Rivera | TEDxOneonta References: Sanders, J. (2021). Body Safety. Empowering Kids to Stay Safe. Retrieved from https://www.heysigmund.com/body-safety-empowering-kids-stay-safe-safe-jayneen-sanders/ Nienow, S. (2019). Seven Steps to Teaching Children Body Autonomy. Safety. Retrieved from https://www.rchsd.org/2019/12/seven-steps-to-teaching-children-body-autonomy/

Celebrating 25 Years of Service: The Gatehouse’s Impact on Healing and Empowering Survivors – Since June 20, 1998 Photos by David Hou Photography IG david_hou_photography- All photos  available on our Fakebook Page  Saturday, June 24th, 2023 – The Gatehouse commemorated 25 years of dedicated service. The Gatehouse www.thegatehouse.org stands as a beacon of hope and healing, transforming the lives of individuals impacted by childhood sexual abuse. Our unwavering commitment to our vision and mission has allowed us to create a future where survivors can reclaim their voices and find solace in a supportive community. One of our core objectives has been to provide a range of both formal and informal support and outreach. Through our online and in-person programming, we have created an inclusive healing environment for survivors, offering a safe place to share their stories and begin the journey towards healing; ensuring that survivors have access to the support they need, no matter where they are in Canada. Collaboration and partnerships have been vital to expanding our service capacity. By forging partnerships with like-minded agencies locally, nationally, and internationally, we have strengthened our impact including most recently the establishment of the Survivors Council of Canada, being represented in a World Health Organization by  Gatehouse staff member Stewart Thompson whose story was featured in ISPCAN CSA/ WHO 2021Documentary: Adult Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse/Sexual Violence Tell Their Stories: https://youtu.be/69AdLCg-NuA We extend our gratitude to all the volunteers who were here in 1998 when it all began with a single person sharing their story with Arthur Lockhart, The Gatehouse Founder. We extend our gratitude to those volunteers, donors and supporters who said yes, we will show up, we will ask for support, we will stay up to 2am laying carpet, and painting the walls. Over the past 25 years, The Gatehouse has been part of three transformational documentary films: “Into the Light,” Produced by Blair Locke, “Illuminating Silence,” by James Buffin and “5 Steps – The Gatehouse” by Blair Locke. These films raise awareness, educate communities, and amplify the voices of survivors. “Into the Light” showcases the first ever example of male survivors’ resilience and healing. “Illuminating Silence” confronts taboos and encourages dialogue on local, national, and international level. “5 Steps” provides a roadmap for healing and the impact of our work from the voices of survivors themselves who have experienced our life-affirming peer support programs. These films have sparked conversations, challenged norms, and inspired action. They are catalysts for change, empowering survivors and advocating for a more empathetic society. As we celebrate 25 years of service, we commend these films as powerful tools to educate, foster empathy, and support survivors on their healing journey. As we reflect on 25 years of service, we acknowledge the resilience of survivors and the unwavering support of our dedicated staff, volunteers, placement students, sponsors, donors, supporters and community partners. The Gatehouse’s legacy of healing and empowerment will continue to flourish, creating a brighter future for all those impacted by childhood sexual abuse.  On Saturday June 24, 2023, we acknowledged the energy of all that have made The Gatehouse a truly special place. A tree was planted to celebrate this wonderful occasion. Thank you to Stewart, Lloyd, Rob, Joe, Diane and all the amazing volunteers who are helping with the healing garden. Thank you to Lia Antonova, Dama Event Management for collaborating with Sheridan Nurseries who donated this beautiful tree that will flourish with all the good energy in the Healing Garden at The Gatehouse for all future generations to enjoy. 

The Gatehouse is hosting an outdoor art workshop in collaboration with Full Circle Art Therapy Centre. This is a free workshop, all materials provided, snacks provided. Max 30 participants. Please register using the link below.   Partners:  Full Circle- ATC & The Gatehouse Program Name: Creating Art in the Healing Garden Group Details: See breakdown below Location:  The Gatehouse Healing Garden 3101 Lake Shore Blvd W., Toronto, ON, M8V3W8 Date:  Friday July 21, 2023 Time: 2PM to 4PM Group Intention: Giving persons a space to connect with each other through art making, nature, and storytelling Group Description: This art event is for persons looking to connect with others through art making and nature. Participants will be guided through mindful and creative exercises by Ashtyn Ford who is a registered art therapist, while connecting with nature through the natural setting of the healing garden at the Gatehouse. No prior art making experience is required to join, all levels of experience are welcome 🙂   Art Materials: -Acrylic Paints -Paint pallets, paint brushes, cups of water, paper towel -Canvases -Markers and pastels -Paper -Aprons Event flow: 2:00-2:20 Starting with introductions facilitators and participants 2:20-2:40 Mindfulness art exercise (warm up exercise) 2:40-3:15 Main art exercise/painting 3:15-3:45 Break for snacks/tea/coffee 3:45-4:00 Group shares Registration is required. Max 30 participants. Please register using the link below. All art materials are provided. Snacks provided.  https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdXhlo7io08GnPj0XYvyQdO0L-KeVi-WeNI8LyoQXXFE2UFAg/viewform?usp=sf_link  

Good day everyone, We are excited to offer programs in the Garden this summer! Each program has a separate registration form.  Program 1: Mindfulness in the Garden  Dates: All Wednesdays on June 7, 14, 21, 28 All Wednesdays on July 5, 12, 19, 26  The following Wednesdays August 23, and 30  Time: 11 am to 12 pm  Location: The Gatehouse Healing Garden  Registration required. Fill out this registration form  or call Gatehouse at 416-255-5900 and ask to speak to Stewart or email Stewart@thegatehouse.org Maximum 30 participants per session Materials: Please bring a small towel Mindfulness in the Garden  Join us for mindfulness in the garden, learn and practice gentle flowing movements, guided mindfulness practices led by Brad Hutchinson. Program 2:  Social Reconnection and Self-Care  Dates: Four Mondays in July 10 to July 31, 2023 Time: 11am to 1pm Lunch: Pizza Lunch provided Registration required. Fill out this registration form or call Gatehouse at 416-255-5900 and ask to speak to Stewart or email Stewart@thegatehouse.org Maximum 30 participants Location: Healing Garden – outdoor group Description: Four-week mindfulness-based group – Meet other community members, foster social connection and share about self-care, communication and community engagement. Group members are invited to share ideas, experiences and barriers they have experienced. Garden Club Volunteers Needed Join our Garden Club! Monthly meetings, gardening and socializing. Help your local community. Join the garden volunteers today! Email Stewart Thompson at Stewart@thegatehouse.org for more information.

Knowing Your Triggers in a Digital Age  Written by: Thiviya Subramaniam, Placement Student, B.Sc.   We receive information through many modes of communication, whether that be television, the radio, billboard advertisements or regular conversations. In the digital age we live in, it is inevitable to come across media that triggers you or makes you uncomfortable. Taking care of your mind and your mental health is an important form of self-care, and this can be done by being aware of the content that may trigger you. For survivors of childhood sexual abuse (CSA), consuming content that will not re-trigger them can be an important form of self-care.   Triggers are defined as sensory reminders that can cause painful memories or symptoms to resurface (Saripalli, 2022). Triggers are unique to an individual and there is a wide range of stimuli that can trigger them (Saripalli, 2022). Therefore, it is important to know what may trigger you, and whether you would like to consume media that may lead to certain emotions and thoughts. Maybe television shows depicting certain family dynamics make you uncomfortable or seeing physical affection makes you feel uneasy. Being aware of these triggers can help you navigate your trauma at your own pace. It can allow you to work through your trauma, whether that’s through therapy, journaling, etc., and possibly re-visit the media you originally avoided at a more comfortable time.   If you come across media that triggers you, it is helpful to develop techniques that help you manage the symptoms that may emerge. For example, grounding can help an individual to focus on the present moment (Saskatoon Sexual Assault and Information Centre, n.d.). Finding techniques that work for you allows you to be well-equipped and can be beneficial for your overall wellbeing.   5-4-3-2-1 Technique for helping you to ground yourself when feeling triggered 5: Acknowledge FIVE things you see around you. It could be a painting, a design on the carpet, a tree 4: Acknowledge FOUR things you can touch around you. It could be your hair, a blanket, or the ground.  3: Acknowledge THREE things you hear. This could be any external sound. Focus on things you can hear outside of your body, for example a car driving by, people laughing or talking 2: Acknowledge TWO things you can smell. Maybe you are in your bedroom and smell your perfume, or maybe you are in your kitchen and smell coffee brewing. You can also go outside and smell fresh cut grass or flowers. 1: Acknowledge ONE thing you can taste. E.g. remnants of coffee or food that you ate (University of Rochester, 2023) References  Saripalli, V. (2022, April 28). What Are Triggers, and How Do They Form? PsychCentral. Retrieved from https://psychcentral.com/lib/what-is-a-trigger   Saskatoon Sexual Assault and Information Centre. (n.d.). Triggers: What Are They? Retrieved from https://ssaic.ca/learning-resources/triggers-what-are-they/   University of Rochester (2023). 5-4-3-2-1 Coping Technique for Anxiety. Retrieved from https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/behavioral-health-partners/bhp-blog/april-2018/5-4-3-2-1-coping-technique-for-anxiety.aspx

Avoidance of Intimacy after Trauma and Strategies to Cope  Written by: Matej Capov – Placement Student – Bachelor of Criminal Justice  Traumatic events can create some of the most complex and difficult cases of intimacy avoidance. Early childhood experience with parents or caregivers shape the primary understanding of how relationships work and if these are hijacked by abusers it can cause childhood sexual abuse (CSA) survivors to become reclusive in their relationships as a coping mechanism for feeling unsecured. Intimacy avoidance is not limited to sexuality but also includes; self-sabotage in platonic relationships, serial dating, inability to express your feelings of admiration to even your closest friends and feeling like you need to run away from those you care about to protect yourself. Humans by their very nature are gratified by intimacy, hugging your siblings, shaking hands with friends, being physically close to another. When one is no longer comfortable sharing their feelings physically it weighs very heavily on them as they try to live life to the fullest.  Relationship sabotage can be described as taking issue in problems in any relations with another; which to someone who is not a survivor may seem trivial but are done so in order to protect themselves from bad memories of intimacy. Serial dating includes often finding yourself in a series of surface level relationships in an attempt to feel connection with others but never really committing; as to avoid the uncomfortable progression of intimacy. Trauma can also come with an inability to accurately express emotions such as needs, wishes or expectations to your partner. As well as the unshakable feeling of needing to run away from your relationships in order to maintain security and peace of mind for yourself (Lukin, Dr. K, 2023; Vantagepoint, 2023).  Unlearning avoidance of intimacy is very difficult if you have lived such a traumatic experience such as that of CSA. A survivor understandably needs a lot of time to heal before they feel ready to embark on a new relationship. With support systems from understanding family, friends, professionals and social services, avoidance and fear of intimacy can be conquered through understanding, love, empathy and trusted connections (Lukin, Dr. K, 2023; Vantagepoint, 2023). Visiting a counselor is a good first step in understanding more about trauma experienced, the more you can understand your history and situation the better you will be armed to cope with it. If you found someone you can really trust and want to be with, your counselor can even work hand in hand with your partner in order to support you best (Lukin, Dr. K, 2023; Vantagepoint, 2023).  Talking directly to your partner or friend can help prevent avoidant behavior that stems from feeling unsafe. You can also arrange them to meet with your counselor to discuss skills and strategies to help you best along your journey. With time you can begin to open up to them about your needs, hopes, expectations and of course vocalizing your feelings.  (Lukin, Dr. K, 2023; Vantagepoint, 2023). A positive, healthy and functional relationship with a partner you really admire for how well you can confide and trust in them goes a long way with coping and recovering from CSA trauma. However, if you have not found that special someone yet or are still nervous to get close to somebody you can confide in, close knit friends will work the same. A consolidated relationship is not even necessary, you can practice the foundations of intimacy; friendship, understanding, support and trust with peers all around you during your healing journey (Lukin, Dr. K, 2023; Vantagepoint, 2023).   References Lukin, Dr. K. (2022). Understanding fear of intimacy and trauma: Lukin center. Lukin Center for Psychotherapy. https://www.lukincenter.com/what-is-a-fear-of-intimacy-understanding-the-effect-of-trauma-on-relationships/#:~:text=Traumatic%20events%2C%20on%20the%20other,Verbal%20abuse  Vantagepoint. (2023). Past sexual trauma affecting your relationships – vantage. Vantage Point Recovery. https://vantagepointrecovery.com/past-sexual-trauma/ 

For Partners of CSA Survivors – Healing Together  Written By: Sienna Wallwork (she/her/hers), BSc. Family & Community Social Services & Social Service Worker Diploma If you are dating someone who has experienced CSA, educating yourself about sexual violence and the aftermath is essential. Survivors often unintentionally carry their trauma, along with the accompanying feelings of shame, guilt, blame and self-loathing into their intimate relationships. This can create unique challenges in relationships and be hard on their partners, who may feel at a loss to know how to support them through their recovery.  CSA can have many effects on relationships, often impacting trust, control, safety, boundaries, and sexual functioning. Many survivors experience symptoms of PTSD, anxiety and depression, which can all take a toll on the relationship and the survivors’ partner. The healing process varies from survivor to survivor, but it is very common for things to get worse before they get better. It is common for partners of survivors to feel like a spectator, rather than a participant, in their partner’s recovery.  In relationships, the survivor may be triggered during intimacy by a wide range of stimuli including certain sounds (such as music), certain smells (cologne or perfume), a particular kind of touch or a certain tone of voice. While many survivors possess direct memories of what happened to them, they also possess body memories, which are more deeply embedded and cause the survivor to get triggered at seemingly random times. It is also common for survivors to lash out in anger during moments of intimacy, and this anger is often covering up grief and loss. The anger is not directed at the partner but rather the abuser.   Survivors often have a skewed understanding of love, and may feel like the only way to receive love is through performing sexual acts. Survivors may also feel that their only value is as a sex object, rather than a person who deserves love. This often results in feeling an intense responsibility to please their partner, often at the sacrifice of the survivors’ own well-being.  Survivors often experience a range of feelings and these can result in numbness or shutting down when triggered. This may cause the survivor to appear timid or almost entirely absent in the moment. This and showing an intense emotional reaction are both common results of the abuse they survived.  In order to support a partner who has experienced sexual abuse, it is important to be educated on sexual abuse and its’ impacts/aftermath. This is important as it creates a sense of safety and understanding in the relationship. There are many books and articles for partners of survivors, as well as support groups.  Two of the most important things to do to support your partner who survived CSA is to believe them and listen to them. Many survivors carry feelings of self-blame, as well as an intense fear of not being believed. Simply make it clear that you believe your partner, and listen to them as they share their struggles with you. It is okay to ask questions to gain a better understanding of their struggles and the support they need, but be prepared for your partner to need to take their time answering, or not feel comfortable answering some questions at all. It is also important to be careful as some questions may be triggering or upsetting. For example, questions that start with “Why did you…” or “Why didn’t you…” should be avoided, as these can contribute to survivors’ feelings of guilt and shame.  As a partner, it is also important to support your partners’ decisions in their healing process, and not try to control them. It is okay to make polite suggestions for their healing journey, but do not try to control them or shame them for not handling things the way they think they should. The healing process looks different and happens at a different pace for everyone, and this should be respected.  Recommended Reading For Partners of CSA Survivors  Allies in Healing by Laura Davis  The Body Keeps the Score: Mind, Brain and Body in the Transformation of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk  Loving Someone with PTSD: A Practical Guide to Understanding and Connecting with Your Partner after Trauma by Aphrodite T. Matsakis PhD    References  Community approach to sexual abuse & violence. Opening The Circle. (n.d.). Retrieved April 2, 2023, from http://www.openingthecircle.ca/defining-abuse/for-partners-of-survivors-of-sexual-abuse   Government of Canada. (2012, July 26). When Your Partner Was Sexually Abused as a Child. Canada.ca. Retrieved April 2, 2023, from https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/health-promotion/stop-family-violence/prevention-resource-centre/children/partner-sexually-abused-child-guide.html#Ast