Gratitude  Written by: Brooke Byers, Placement Student, Social Service Worker (Diploma)  One of the most important factors to overall happiness and well-being is the amount of gratitude that a person experiences. Gratitude is noticing and appreciating the positives in your life. Gratitude is an attitude but also a practice.   Gratitude is found across different cultures and found throughout different populations. Gratitude is a virtue and is vastly different from optimism and hope. Mirgain and Singles state that the root of the word “gratitude” is the Latin root gratia, which means “grace, graciousness, or gratefulness… all derivatives from this Latin root having to do with kindness, generousness, gifts, the beauty of giving and receiving, or getting something for nothing.”   Benefits of Gratitude.  Research finds that gratitude can in fact improve a sense of personal well-being in 2 different ways, a direct cause and indirectly meaning, buffering against negative states and emotions. Experiencing gratitude, thankfulness and appreciation tends to foster positive feelings, which turns into overall well-being.   Self-reported physical health, more feelings of happiness, pride and hope, a greater sense of social connection and cooperation with others, feeling less lonely and isolated, helps maintain intimate bonds, increased motivation for self-improvement and positive change, reduction in risk for depression, anxiety, and substance abuse disorders, improvement in body image, resilience in the face of trauma-induced stress, improvement of energy and sleep (Mirgain, Singles 2018), this is a list of psychological, physical and social benefits that’s gratitude has been linked to according to Mirgain.   Gratitude Exercises for Beginners.   Take a few minutes to reflect on a happy moment in your life that stands out for you—a memory that is still strong and has remained with you, even if it happened 10, 20, or 40 years ago. Re-experience it. Visualize the scene, hear the sounds that were around you, feel the sensations in your body. What was it about that experience that stays with you? Was gratitude part of it? What was happening that allowed you to feel grateful? (Mirgain, Singles, 2018)  We cannot change what life presents. We can, however, choose our attitude in any given circumstance. You can practice consciously choosing to cultivate gratitude with this daily practice: Practice stopping and having an attitude of gratitude throughout the day. You might incorporate a cue, like sitting down for a meal, hearing an alarm go off, or commuting home, to turn your mind to gratitude. Acknowledge and savor the positive experiences of your day. List a few cues you can use to remind you to stop and practice an attitude of gratitude. (Mirgain, Singles, 2018)  References  Mirgain, S. A., & Sinles, J. (2018). Creating a Gratitude Practice. Whole Health Library . Retrieved September 13, 2022, from https://www.va.gov/WHOLEHEALTHLIBRARY/docs/Creating-A-Gratitude-Practice.pdf  

Strategies for Addressing Trauma-Related Stress  By Amy Tai, Community and Criminal Justice (diploma), Program Assistant  It is typical for a person to experience a traumatic event at least once in their lifetime.  As a result, many people will experience severe stress which is a normal reaction to traumatic events. In the days and weeks that follow, it is common for people to experience a whirlwind of unanticipated emotions and physical symptoms, such as, feeling nervous, jumpy, or on high alert, difficulty sleeping, avoidance and dissociation, and irritability or anger (Jeong Young & Halfond, 2019). In the long-term, people may develop acute stress disorder, characterized by severe stress symptoms that seriously impair everyday functioning, academic performance, occupational performance, or social interaction. Others may experience post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), which manifests as symptoms that impair day-to-day functioning and persist for longer than a month following the event (Jeong Young & Halfond, 2019).  In can be helpful and appropriate at times to avoid the people, places, and situations that trigger these intense thoughts, feelings, and memories. However, relying solely on avoidance can result in more issues than it aims to fix. You can’t always avoid these triggers, and trying to do so can make you anxious, closed off, and restrained by your traumatic experience (Bank Lees, 2020). Having only one coping mechanism could also be harmful because it may not work every time. Instead, it is preferable to have a variety of tools on hand for when you experience the terrifying reach of traumatic stress (Bank Lees, 2020).  The stressful effects of trauma can be treated and coped with in a number of extremely efficient ways. According to research by Jeong Young, PhD and Halfond, PhD (2019), these actions can help:   Develop and utilize a support system. Choose your family or friends as your source of support. If you’re ready, you could share your experience and your sentiments with them regarding the tragic event. To reduce some of your everyday stress, you can also enlist the assistance of loved ones for household chores or other responsibilities. Sometimes CSA survivors’ families are not a source of support for a variety of reasons. There are community groups, meet-ups and other social supports available in the community.   Accept and acknowledge your feelings. It’s common to desire to forget about a horrible experience. On the other hand, staying inside all day, isolating oneself from family and friends, and abusing drugs to block out reminders are not long-term coping mechanisms. Avoidance is common, but too much of it might make you more stressed and prevent you from getting well. Try to ease back into your regular routine gradually. As you get back into the flow, assistance from family members or a mental health professional can be quite beneficial.  Make self-care a priority. Try your best to eat nutritious meals, engage in regular exercise, and get a restful night’s sleep. Additionally, look into alternative constructive coping mechanisms including art, music, meditation, rest, and outdoor activities.  Be patient. Keep in mind that an upsetting event can cause you to respond strongly. As you heal, take each day as it comes. Your symptoms should start to progressively get better as the days go by.  References  Bank Lees, A. (2020, October 28). 7 Tools for Managing Traumatic Stress. NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness. Retrieved August 5, 2022, from https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/October-2020/7-Tools-for-Managing-Traumatic-Stress  Jeong Young, S., & Halfond, R. (2019, October 30). How to cope with traumatic stress. American Psychological Association. Retrieved August 5, 2022, from https://www.apa.org/topics/trauma/stress 

Emotion Regulation – CSA Survivors   By Amy Tai, Community and Justice Services (diploma), Program Assistant  The ability of a person to properly control and deal with an emotional experience is referred to as emotion regulation. The majority of us employ a range of emotion control techniques and are skilled at adapting them to various circumstances in order to meet the demands of our environment (Rolston & LLoyd-Richardson, n.d.). However, for people who have experienced a traumatic event, such as childhood sexual abuse, it may be much harder to control and deal with emotions in a healthy and beneficial way.   Helpful vs Unhelpful Emotion Regulation Strategies  Helpful emotion regulation strategies assist in calming down the intense feelings experienced during times of stress, allowing for a deeper understanding of what triggered that emotional response. Examples of helpful emotion regulation strategies include:  Talking with friends  Writing in a journal  Meditation  Therapy  Paying attention to negative thoughts that occur before or after strong emotions Noticing when you need a break – and taking it (Rolston & LLoyd-Richardson, n.d.)  On the other hand, unhelpful emotion regulation strategies include those that may cause long-term harm, have unintended consequences, or limit one’s ability to deal with problems that require immediate action. Examples of unhealthy emotion regulation strategies include:  Abusing alcohol or other substances  Self-injury  Avoiding or withdrawing from difficult situations  Physical or verbal aggression  Excessive social media use, to the exclusion of other responsibilities (Rolston & LLoyd-Richardson, n.d.)  Breaking the Cycle  When faced with difficulties practicing emotion regulating techniques, it is crucial to understand that these challenges do not necessarily result from the event or experience itself, but rather, the way the emotion is interpreted. When we interpret the emotion in a negative way, this is when we experience intense feelings and the belief that we are not able to bear them. We refer to this as a vicious emotional cycle (Rolston & LLoyd-Richardson, n.d.). Continued avoidance of emotions related to the event or experience further supports the initial interpretation and may result in additional negative thoughts and feelings. These will continue until something is down to break the cycle.  Learning how to comprehend and work with the relationship between ideas, feelings, and behaviours is the foundation of therapeutic techniques such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. While this may be a super beneficial method for some people it is not necessary for successful self-regulation. The learning process can be hard and lengthy, but it is not impossible to conquer your emotions. Here are some helpful tips to get you started:  Take care of yourself, including your body: We’ve all experienced how much better we can feel after getting a restful night’s sleep or eating foods that leave you nourished and energized. It may seem as though we have a completely new outlook on life, and it is much simpler to ignore minor inconveniences that otherwise could have angered or upset us.  Do things that make you feel accomplished: Each of us can gain from focusing more on the good things that happen in our lives. It has been demonstrated that the things that make us happy improve our good moods and diminish our negative emotions. Try doing one small thing such as making your bed, five minutes of meditation, or keeping a gratitude journal and notice how your mood and ability to face the day improves.   Start by changing your thoughts. It is simpler to change our thoughts than our feelings because our thoughts are what determine how we perceive a situation. When you first feel yourself getting agitated, pause and try to analyze what it is that you are thinking that is making you feel that way. For some, it can be helpful to consider how significant the problem is on a greater scale: How much will this matter a day, a week, and a month from now?   There is no one-size-fits-all method for managing challenging thoughts and emotions; the key is for each of us to find what works for us individually and to believe this truth: You are capable of producing lasting change. You are worthy. Healing is possible.   References  Rolston, A. & LLoyd-Richardson, E. (n.d.). What is emotion and how do we regulate it. Cornell Research Program on Self-Injury and Recovery. *what-is-emotion-regulationsinfo-brief.pdf 

Naming Uncomfortable Feelings and How to Manage Them   Written by: Sienna Wallwork, Completing BSC. Family & Community Social Services and Social Service Worker Diploma, Program Assistant  The first step to being able to manage and regulate your emotions is being able to name them. Once you are able to identify them, it becomes much easier to manage them. Naming our emotions is the first step to bridging the gap between thoughts and feelings, and it can remind us that we are not our feelings (Miller, 2021). Finding this difference also allows us to remember that while we do not have a choice in what we feel, we do have a choice in what we do about how we are feeling.  The first step is to address what you are feeling. For example, if you find yourself stuck in traffic, mad at the person in front of you, you may think you are simply angry at them. However, upon further analysis, you may realize that it is not their fault and you are simply frustrated because you are stuck in traffic. Once you know the root of what you are feeling, it becomes easier to manage. Allowing yourself to address misplaced anger will also make it easier to let go of the negative emotions.  In order to make naming your feelings a regular habit, it may be helpful to set up a regular “check in” with yourself, just to keep your emotions in order. Once a day, set aside the time to sit down for 5-10 minutes, and just ask what you are feeling. You can use apps on your phone to track your emotions, or you can use a journal. Ask what you are feeling and why you are feeling this way. Write about what happened in your day and how it made you feel. This is also a good way to get out the negative emotions that you may not feel entirely comfortable opening up about just yet.  Once you are able to name uncomfortable feelings, there are many things you can do to manage them. It is all about finding coping mechanisms that work for you, and make you feel good. For some people, this could be journaling. You could also talk to a support person in your life, such as a friend or a family member. Exercise is another healthy way to manage emotions and lower stress. It is important to find activities that help to calm down any negative emotions you are feeling, but not activities that drive you away from confronting them.  Citations  Feel your feelings: How to deal with uncomfortable emotions. Eugene Therapy. (2021, October 12). Retrieved August 4, 2022, from https://eugenetherapy.com/article/feel-your-feelings-how-to-deal-with-uncomfortable-emotions/   Miller, M. (2021, October 27). Getting unstuck: The power of naming emotions. Six Seconds. Retrieved August 5, 2022, from https://www.6seconds.org/2021/01/08/getting-unstuck-power-naming-emotions/  

Building Self Compassion  Written By: Amy Tai, Community and Criminal Justice (diploma), Program Assistant  How significant would your connection be if you were to embark on a multi-decade journey with someone? Wouldn’t you try to make sure you got along with each other? Wouldn’t you want to ensure that your connection with your partner was a good one? This should be no different when the person you are on a journey with is yourself. So far, research has shown that practicing self-compassion provides a lot of advantages. Strong self-compassion can pave the way for improved physical health, interpersonal connections, and overall wellbeing. People who have self-compassion are aware of their own suffering and are kind to themselves at these moments, which reduces their own feelings of anxiety and sadness (Harvard Health, 2021).   All of us can benefit from the idea of using compassion to make better life decisions. We all act and say things we regret. Therefore, in order to truly recover from our errors, we must all compassionately take care of ourselves. In his article, Dani DiPirro (2022) shares his thoughts on self-compassion: “Just because you accept something doesn’t mean that you like it. We all have attributes we don’t love, but the more you focus on accepting the things you cannot change, the more content you become with who you are… accepting my limitations and my true nature has been the greatest act of self-compassion. Doing so has allowed me to direct my energy and attention to the things I love about my life: my creativity, my writing, and the people who love me just as I am.”  Here are four simple ways to start practicing self-compassion today:  Take care of your body. Make your favourite meal, give yourself a massage. Go on a walk. Watch your favourite movie. Anything you can do to enhance your physical well-being will help you feel more compassionate toward yourself.  Write yourself a letter. Try to recall a circumstance that left you in pain (doesn’t necessarily have to be your CSA experience, it could be a break up or a job loss). In a letter to yourself, describe the situation without blaming anyone, especially not yourself. This activity helps to support your emotions and it can be beneficial to utilize it whenever you find yourself stuck in a pattern of self-blame.  Encourage yourself. Consider what you would say to a trusted friend who was going through a challenging or stressful situation. Then, next time you find yourself in a similar situation, try your best to turn these compassionate reactions inward.   Practice mindfulness. Even a brief activity, like a few minutes of meditation, can be a wonderful method to care for and accept ourselves while we’re in pain. (Harvard Health, 2021)   “This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of life. May I be kind to myself in this moment. May I give myself the compassion I need.” ~Kristin Neff   References  DiPirro, D. (2022, April 27). 10 Ways to Practice Self-Compassion and Overcome Your Shame. Tiny Buddha. https://tinybuddha.com/blog/10-ways-practice-self-compassion/  Harvard Health. (2021, February 12). 4 ways to boost your self-compassion. https://www.health.harvard.edu/mental-health/4-ways-to-boost-your-self-compassion   

There is a poem: Poem of Chance The poem begins with: “In the sweetened gallery of our hearts there is a place we go, “ I believe Charmaine Is the place we go She is the one that will never end Her story Her story Illuminates Silence Her story gave voice to those who had theirs’ ripped and smothered away In Charmaine’s poem: Obstacles to Overcome she opens the gallery of our hearts with the words: “When I stopped to listen to another, and another, and another that, it was in OTHER’S sharing where I rose to discover that; Vulnerability is the GREATEST superhero trait to EVER expose It breaks all barriers and causes a planet to shift!!! A planet for sustainable transformational and positive change, possibilities and miracles!!” So it is that Her story is the one we will always tell Charmaine is the forever well-spring for the advocate, the person relentless in the pursuit of possible miracles that live eternal in the gallery of our hearts. With love to Charmaine and her family. Arthur Lockhart, Founder, The Gatehouse Donate to Charmaine’s Final Wish at https://www.gofundme.com/f/charmaines-final-wish?utm_campaign=p_lico+share-sheet&utm_medium=copy_link&utm_source=customer Celebration of Life Events Saturday July 30th at 2pm at St. Aiden’s Church, 2423 Queen St. East, Toronto, ON, M4E 1H6. All are welcome to attend.  Saturday August 13th at 2pm – 3:30pm at The Gatehouse Healing Garden, 3101 Lakeshore Blvd W., Toronto, ON, M8V3W8, please let us know if you will be attending by completing this form. 

Boundaries and Toxic Relationships  By Amy Tai, Community and Justice Services (diploma), Program Assistant  Relationships provide us with the support and encouragement we need to navigate stressful situations, solve problems and overcome obstacles. But what happens when our relationships are actually causing us more stress, problems, and obstacles?   Dr. Lillian Glass defines a toxic relationship as “any relationship (between people who) don’t support each other, where there’s conflict and one seeks to undermine the other, where there’s competition, where there’s disrespect and a lack of cohesiveness (Ducharme, 2018).”   Toxic relationships often lack respect and care for another’s wellbeing. They can exist in almost any context from the workplace, to the playground, to the home and the bedroom. Some signs that you may be in a toxic relationship include:  You feel drained and depleted after spending time with the person.   You feel disrespected or that your needs are not being met.   You feel like you have to walk on eggshells to keep from becoming a target of abuse. (Can be physical, emotional, or psychological)  You are always to blame, even when you know, deep down, it is not your fault.  Setting boundaries is a great way to get back some of that respect and take care of yourself, however, it can be even more difficult to do so within the confines of a toxic relationship.  In simplest forms, boundaries are guidelines you place on yourself/other people to protect yourself from things you are not okay with. They help set the standard for how each person wishes to be treated within that relationship, ensuring each individual’s needs are met.   The first step to setting boundaries in a toxic relationship is to identify your needs and determine what needs to change in order for those needs to be met in this relationship. Those changes will help you create those boundaries. For example, if you have a need for identity as an individual outside of that relationship, you may set a boundary that allows you more time and space to do things on your own.   Unfortunately, simply setting a boundary does not ensure that it will be respected, but we can always control how we respond when our boundaries are crossed or ignored. If you find yourself in a toxic relationship in which your boundaries are not being respected here are some things you can try:  Spend less time with this person, this can be as simple as turning down an invitation or in more extreme cases, can look like physically leaving the relationship.  Choose not to participate in the same arguments. While it can be hard to simply walk away when someone is being disrespectful, it is not always productive to stay and argue when the other person refuses to see what they are doing wrong.   Get support. You do not have to go through this alone. Toxic relationships are super tricky to navigate and it can be hard to look outside and get a fresh perspective on your own. Support can help you to stand firm in your boundaries and work through any feelings of shame to understand that this is not your fault and you don’t deserve to be treated this way. In cases where ending the relationship is necessary, support can be beneficial to healing and moving forward.   References  Ducharme, J. (2018, May 28). How To Tell If You’re In a Toxic Relationship – And What To Do About It. Time. https://time.com/5274206/toxic-relationship-signs-help/ 

June 23, 2022 The Gatehouse has launched The Gatehouse Global Poetry Movement at www.globalpoetrymovement.com   We were inspired by the initiative: Global Poem Initiative-“Dear Vaccine” “By articulating our most complex and emotional experiences in language, we harness the ability to transform a common experience into collective meaning.”  is directly aligned with The Gatehouse Global Poetry Movement initiative. Thank you to all volunteers, students, and staff, who helped bring this initiative to life – Carol, Arthur, Katie, Karen, Jasmine, Sabra, Zada, Jenny, Andrea, Stewart, Paula, Ambaram, Eric, Bernie, and Amy. A special thank you to Opal Gamble, for bringing the final site to life.  Thank you to everyone who has contributed art, voice, and poetry to the site already. Please share the website on your social media pages and with your networks. We are reaching out to people around the planet and inviting their voice, through poetry, to be an integral element of The Gatehouse Global Poetry Movement.  Throughout the twenty-four years of history of The Gatehouse, a primary goal has always been to create processes that allow for people to move from isolation to inclusion and to create a collective meaning-making experience.  “My healing is bound to yours.” Alone no one can escape. Together we live to tell.” Excerpt from Parker Palmer’s Poem: Together We Live To Tell It is our hope that, with your support, this initiative of gathering poetry from around the world, people will no longer feel isolated. That they will feel an authentic connection as their words are linked with the words of other people from around the world. Creating ways that nurture strength, personal and social transformation. In the words of Muriel Rukeyser: “No one wants to read poetry. You have to make it impossible for them to put the poem down–impossible for them to stop reading it, word after word. You have to keep them from closing the book.”  So it is that we are reaching out to you, to make it impossible for people to stop reading, impossible for people to be silenced, and possible to be heard and seen.  The Gatehouse Global Poetry Movement Vision Statement: Lifting and uniting survivors of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) out of isolation into a global healing community where transformation begins with our words. Mission Statement: Empowering survivors of CSA from around the globe, connecting and healing collectively through poetry. Objectives: To invite collaboration from like-minded individuals and agencies/organizations in creating the poetry process. To create a safe and inclusive global community, by acknowledging and fostering transformation from CSA trauma To create a dedicated website for The Gatehouse Global Poetry Movement to become a living archival repository of shared experiences of CSA survivor perseverance, resilience, and HOPE. To have poems from around the world read on various global platforms. To collaborate with people from around the world in generating creative responses to matters of CSA.

Survivors of CSA: Psychopathology, Emotional Regulation, and Disgust Written by: Leah K., Practicum Student, The Gatehouse Childhood sexual abuse (CSA) has the potential to disrupt the emotional development of the child during critical developmental periods, often resulting in adult survivors having difficulty regulating emotions and developing emotional attachments and relationships (Cortois & Ford, 2009; Coyle et al., 2014). Research has highlighted that CSA is a substantial risk for psychopathology, or in other words, mental or behavioral disorders (Molnar et al., 2001).   In examining the relationship between emotions, associations, and traumatic and general distress systems of survivors of CSA, high levels of negative emotions were found (Coyle et al., 2014). Sadness, fear, low levels of happiness, and most notably very high reports of disgust were self-reported by survivors of CSA (Coyle et al., 2014).   Disgust, the feeling of revulsion or strong disapproval, first evolved as a behavioral adaption for disease prevention by avoidance of pathogens in food. Disgust, however, as we know, is not limited to pathogen avoidance in food. A significant elicitor of disgust is illicit and immoral instances of sex and sexuality. The emotion of disgust concerning survivors of CSA have been neglected by academic literature until recently. Within the limited research, it is suggested that disgust may play an important role in suicide and parasuicide (Power & Dalgleish, 2008). The knowledge that survivors of CSA experience high levels of disgust compared to other groups has the potential to help guide healing and therapeutic practices to the needs of survivors of CSA. In recognizing the specific emotions implicated in psychopathology, treatment and therapies can be designed specifically for survivors of CSA.   As discussed, the trauma that survivors of CSA experience often prevent the development of emotion regulation skills. Increased self-reports of negative emotions and under-developed emotional regulation skills suggest that psychological therapies for survivors of CSA ought to incorporate emotion regulation skills alongside addressing emotional change to tackle psychopathology (Coyle et al., 2014).   Emotional regulation refers to the ability to control one’s emotions. This process takes time, and it is important to be patient and kind to yourself. By creating space and allowing yourself to pause, take a breath, and slow down the moment, one can slow down the moment between trigger and response (Klynn, 2021). An important skill is being aware of how you are feeling, and what your physical body is telling you, as this can help explain how you are feeling emotionally. By naming what you are feeling, one is better equipped to share with another individual what they are feeling (Klynn, 2021).        Instead of trying to stop emotions and feelings, it is important to recognize that your feelings are valid and that they will ebb and flow (Klynn, 2021). By engaging in positive self-talk, one can replace negative emotions with positive comments. Many strategies help build emotional regulation skills, some will work better for you than others. It is important to recognize that emotions are part of human nature, that they are valid, that your best is good enough, and that you are not your trauma (Klynn, 2021)  References   Courtois C. A, Ford J. D. (2009). Treating complex traumatic stress disorders: An evidence-based guide New York, NY: Guilford Press  Coyle, E., Karatzias, T., Summers, A., & Mick Power (2014) Emotions and emotion regulation in survivors of childhood sexual abuse: the importance of “disgust” in traumatic stress and psychopathology, European Journal of Psychotraumatology, 5:1, DOI: 10.3402/ejpt.v5.23306  Klynn, B. (2021). Emotional regulation: Skills, exercises, and strategies. BetterUp.