Grounding Ourselves Written by: Brooke Byers, Social Service Worker Diploma, Previous Placement Student – The Gatehouse  What is Grounding?  We can ‘ground’ ourselves in the present and remind ourselves that we are safe and that we are not in danger (The survivors Trust). Grounding also known as ‘earthing’ is a therapeutic technique involving activities that ‘ground’ or reconnect you to the earth, this practice looks at earthing science and physics to explain how electrical charges from the earth can have positive effects on the body (Lockett. E, 2019).   When to use Grounding Techniques?  Grounding techniques can be beneficial when we are experiencing overwhelming or distressing thoughts especially if the distress makes us feel unreal or detached, grounding can also help if we are feeling anxious or out of control. When we experience flashback, these techniques can help us when trying to cope by getting our heads out of the past trauma that we are fixated on and into the present which is our safety (The Survivors Trust). People who have experienced childhood sexual assault can often be confronted by flashback or even body memories, some can go to the point that they feel as if they are re-living the past abuse over again. Grounding exercises can help bring you back to the “here and now” instead of being in the “then and there” (Lockett. E, 2019).   Techniques to Try:  The first example of grounding techniques to try is: remind yourself who you are right now, say your name, your age, where you are now, say what you have done today and what you are going to do next.  “My name is _____, and I am 47 years old. I am in my bedroom,   In my apartment, in Etobicoke, Ontario. I woke up early today,  Had a shower and made breakfast. I just finished my coffee.   Soon I am going to go to work for the day. Then I am going to go to ____  Where I will be meeting with my friend for dinner…”  Notice 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can feel, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste.   In order to bring yourself to the present answer these questions and write down your answers; “Where am I right now, what day is it, what year is it, how old am I, where do I live” (The Survivors Trust).  Weather depending, walking barefoot or standing barefoot outside regardless of grass, sand or water for 20 minutes a day can significantly help to ground one.   Benefits of Grounding:  Grounding helps to improve sleep at night as it assists in normalizing stress hormones. When grounding, mobile electrons from the earth making contact with the skin enters your body, acting as a natural antioxidant (Bem. N, 2019).   References   Bem, N. N. (2021, June 9). 5 healing benefits of grounding techniques. Goodnet. Retrieved November 15, 2022, from https://www.goodnet.org/articles/5-healing-benefits-grounding-techniques   Grounding techniques. The Survivors Trust. (n.d.). Retrieved November 15, 2022, from https://www.thesurvivorstrust.org/grounding-techniques   Lockett, E. (2019, August 30). What is grounding and can it help improve your health? Healthline. Retrieved November 15, 2022, from https://www.healthline.com/health/grounding#takeaway  

The Importance of Chosen Family  Written by: Thiviya Subramaniam, B.Sc., Previous Placement Student, The Gatehouse  A family can provide individuals with interpersonal connections and a reliable support network. But what happens when a survivor of childhood sexual abuse is not able to turn to their family for support? What happens when a survivor has experienced sexual violence from family members? Or their family takes the side of the abuser and is skeptical or discredits the survivor’s experience? We are not able to choose the families we are raised in, but as adults, we are able to create families that are supportive and can understand us. This is why a chosen family can aid in the healing journey and help survivors navigate and overcome their trauma.   A chosen family consists of people who intentionally love, nurture and support each other (Jelinek, 2021). Although unconventional, this dynamic allows people to define the word ‘family’ on their own terms. It creates a sense of community and allows individuals to experience abundant love, especially those who have been rejected by the families they were raised in (Jelinek, 2021). A chosen family can be built from our hobbies and interests that introduce us to members of our community such as a pottery class, an amateur sports team or volunteering at a local pet shelter. This restructuring can change the very dynamic of your life. A friend walking you down the aisle on your wedding day, looking to a trusted community member as a parental figure, or even changing the emergency contacts on your medical forms. The possibilities are endless, but what matters is that it consists of people who genuinely care and support each other and are looking out for your best interest. Individuals are no longer confined to the community they were raised in but can create one that best supports them in their healing journey.   For survivors of childhood sexual abuse, a chosen family can allow them to seek advice when needed or help them feel understood when they are triggered (Sudakov, 2023). A chosen family can validate a survivor’s experience while respecting boundaries. A consistent and caring chosen family can aid in a survivor’s healing journey and allow them to experience the love they may have been excluded from and the support that has been withheld from them.   References  Jelinek, J. (2021, June 9). What ‘Chosen Family’ Means – and How to Build Your Own. healthline. Retrieved from https://www.healthline.com/health/relationships/chosen-family   Sudakov, M. (2023, January 15). The Role of ‘Chosen Family’ in Trauma Recovery. The Mighty. Retrieved from https://themighty.com/topic/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/trauma-recovery-chosen-family/  

Establishing Boundaries: Experiencing connection during the holidays  Written By: Sienna Wallwork, Program Assistant, Completing Bsc. Family & Community Social Services and Social Service Worker Diploma  It is important to establish and enforce boundaries as this is a way of giving yourself and your needs a voice, as well as protecting yourself from harmful or unhealthy behaviour. When setting boundaries, you may feel nervous that you will lose out on a sense of connection. There are ways to find a balance between the boundaries you have set and still being connected to those around you.  First, it is vital that you know there is nothing wrong with having to set boundaries for the holidays (or ever, for that matter). Your healing journey is your own, and you are allowed to go about that journey however you see fit. If there are certain people you do not want contact with or certain events you cannot attend, there is nothing wrong with that and you do not need to feel bad. What is important is your own well-being. Additionally, even if you do decide to not attend an event or not contact certain people, there are ways to remain connected.  First, ensure you have a support system with people who you will want to contact. This can include friends or family, anyone who you feel supported by and safe with. Find out what these people are up to during the holidays, and make plans based on that. See if you can grab coffee or see a movie with a loved one. You can even schedule check-in times during the holiday. Ask a loved one who knows you may be struggling during the holiday for one or two different times of the day that they are free for a brief check in. This can be a short phone call or text conversation, just to check in. This will alleviate feelings of isolation as you will know you have a conversation coming up with someone you enjoy talking to.  Second, make sure to take time for things you enjoy. The holidays can be especially difficult for survivors and may bring back a lot of painful memories, so it is vital that you carve out some time for something you know will bring joy. This can be anything from watching your favourite movie, cooking your favourite recipe or just going for a walk. As long as it makes you feel good, that is what matters.   Finally; know that you are not alone, even when it feels like it. If you are making the decision to opt out of events or gatherings and are worried about feeling isolated and alone, try to make plans for the day in advance so you know you have things to keep you busy. Schedule times to check in with your support system as well. A great way to keep yourself busy on a holiday and feel a sense of connection even when you are not spending it with anyone is to give back to the community. You could try volunteering at a local soup kitchen or other organization for the day. A lot of these organizations can get much busier around the holiday season, and your assistance would not go unappreciated.   References  Anthem. (2020, November 18). Staying connected to others during the Holidays. Anthem Blue Cross and Blue Shield. Retrieved August 24, 2022, from https://www.anthem.com/coronavirus/blog/well-being-and-community/staying-connected-to-others-during-the-holidays/   Mandel, S. (n.d.). Boundaries are guidelines not walls. Sarah Mandel Therapy. Retrieved August 24, 2022, from https://www.sarahmandeltherapy.com/boundaries-guidelines-not-walls/   Stone, R. (2019, December 12). How to set healthy boundaries with family during the holidays. Robin D. Stone, LMHC. Retrieved August 24, 2022, from https://www.robinstone.com/blog/2019/12/11/how-boundaries-can-cultivate-joy-during-the-holidays  

Supporting Childhood Sexual Abuse Survivors  Written by Alexandria Medeiros, Criminology/Psychology (B.A.), Socio-Legal Studies (M.A.), Addictions and Mental Health (Post-graduate certificate), The Gatehouse Placement Student   Supporting someone who has experienced childhood sexual abuse can be a deeply sensitive and challenging endeavour. It’s essential to approach the situation with empathy, patience, and a non-judgmental attitude. Here are some guidelines on how to provide meaningful support:   Listen Actively: The most important thing you can do is to be an active and empathetic listener. Encourage the survivor to share their feelings, thoughts, and experiences without interrupting or passing judgment. Be patient and allow them to open up at their own pace.   Believe and Validate: It’s crucial to believe the survivor’s account and validate their feelings. Childhood sexual abuse can be a traumatic and isolating experience, and your belief in their story can be empowering.   Respect Their Choices: Understand that healing is a personal journey, and the survivor may have different ways of coping and seeking support. Respect their decisions regarding therapy, reporting the abuse, or involving law enforcement, as they know what’s best for them.   Educate Yourself: Take the time to educate yourself about childhood sexual abuse, its effects, and available resources. This knowledge will help you better understand what the survivor is going through and how to offer effective support.   Maintain Confidentiality: Respect the survivor’s privacy and confidentiality. They may not want others to know about their experience, so it’s crucial to keep their trust and not share their story without their explicit permission.   Be Patient and Persistent: Healing from childhood sexual abuse is a long and complex process. Be patient, as progress may be slow and non-linear. Offer your support consistently and be there for them whenever they need you.   Avoid Victim-Blaming: Never blame the survivor for what happened or question their actions during the abuse. It’s essential to remember that the responsibility for the abuse lies solely with the perpetrator.   Self-care: Supporting someone through this process can be emotionally draining. Don’t forget to take care of yourself, seek support from friends or professionals, and set boundaries to ensure your own well-being.   Encourage Empowerment: Encourage the survivor to regain a sense of control over their life. Help them set achievable goals and celebrate their progress along the way.   Remember that your role is to support, not to replace professional help. Encourage the survivor to seek therapy and connect them with local support organizations like The Gatehouse specializing in childhood sexual abuse. Your consistent, compassionate presence can make a significant difference in their healing journey. 

December 7, 2023 – The Gatehouse Holiday Celebration was a festive evening, spreading holiday cheer, laughs, and gratitude.  Thank you to our amazing staff, volunteers, students, donors, board members, program participants and supporters. May 2024 bring you all much health, happiness and joy. Please donate to support The Gatehouse at https://thegatehouse.org/donate/  

Thursday, October 5, 2023 – 5th Annual Healing the Voice Within Fundraiser in support of The Gatehouse Dear Esteemed Attendees, Supporters, and Generous Donors, We extend our heartfelt gratitude to each and every one of you who joined us at our 5th Annual Healing the Voice Within event to raise awareness of the profound impact of childhood sexual abuse and much needed funds to support The Gatehouse. Your presence, support, and contributions made this gathering an incredible success. Over 300 people came together to learn, connect, and stand in solidarity with survivors raising $38,594.88 net funds. Your collective commitment to this critical cause is truly awe-inspiring. By being a part of this event, you have actively contributed to raising awareness, breaking the silence, and supporting survivors on their healing journey and continue the meaningful work of The Gatehouse. It is your support that enables us to continue our mission of providing a safe haven for survivors and fostering a community that cares. The positive impact of your presence and contributions will resonate far beyond the event itself. Thank you for being champions of change and for standing with The Gatehouse in this essential endeavour. We are deeply grateful for your dedication and look forward to making a lasting difference together. We acknowledge the wonderful event speakers Christopher deGale Officer in Charge of the O Division Integrated National Security Enforcement Team (OINSET); Kelly Beale Crown Counsel Human Trafficking Legal Support Program Ministry of the Attorney General; and Thom Ernst Film Writer, Broadcaster, Critic and Author of “THE WILD BOY OF WAUBAMIK.” Thank you to our amazing performers, Emilee Ann Pitawanakwat and Ashley Bryant. Thank you to our wonderful MC, Roger Petersen for his dedication and commitment to giving back to The Gatehouse community. Thank you to our fabulous live painting artists Mira Kopanarov and Montina Guiry. Thank you to our event honorary chairs including: Vince Nigro Host of The War Room on Camões TV Radio & CityTv; Pat Di Donato Hon H.R.M. Executive Vice President Liberty Grand Entertainment Group; Joseph S. Mancinelli LiUNA International Vice President Canadian Director & Regional Manager for Central and Eastern Canada; Silvia Gualtieri Gualtieri Insurance & Financial Services; Tony Vella Toronto Police Constable Toronto Police Service; Dr. Alok Mukherjee Former Chair of the Toronto Police Services Board from 2005 to 2015; Chris Campbell Vice President, Carpenters Union; Ron Taverner Superintendent Toronto Police Service; Rob Lafrate President A Celebrity Limousine; Sabra Desai Chair of the Board of Directors, The Gatehouse, MSW, RSW; Lisa Crooker Superintendent Toronto Police Service Co-Chair, Board of Directors, The Gatehouse Thank you to our event committee members, Lia Antonova, Dama Event Management, Lorne M. Simon, MCPR, The Simon GROUP, Maria Barcelos, Executive Director of The Gatehouse, Stefan Horodeckyj, Zada, and Tony Vella, Toronto Police Constable and Jake Robert, Alacarte Benefits. Save the date for the 6th Annual Healing the Voice Within, Thursday, October 3rd 2024! More details to follow soon. Check out Camoes Radio and City TV to talk about The Gatehouse with the Portuguese Community https://camoestv.com/blog/war-room-episode-115/  Check out CHIN TV/Radio International Event Feature  Event Planner: Lia Antonova Dama Event Management Cell# 416.878.1306 info@damaevents.org

Take Back Your Voice Poetry Workshop 2 – In-person Thank you Trynelle Thomas for her commitment to the community. She led two poetry in-person workshops, September 22 and October 27, 2023, to help survivors of childhood sexual abuse learn and explore poetry as a healing medium. Trynelle Thomas Break the Cycle – Take Back Your Voice Bio Hi my name is Trynelle Thomas many people know me as “Nelly” I was born and raised in many different parts of Toronto. As a young adult I choose to be part of the social work and criminal justice line of work based on my own personal struggles and challenges as a woman of colour who has continued to face issues related to injustice care practices, early childhood sexual abuse, adult physical and sexually abuse, housing issues, and mental health. From the early ages of my life, I faced sexual abuse by the hands of a family member and later experienced my first overdose. At the age of 17 I became homeless due to my reckless behaviour and trying to cope with the abuse around me. With nowhere to go and not trusting the system I ended up living on the streets. Within my first couple of nights on the streets I got trafficked. I spent my time on the street being forced to do things and do drugs against my will. None of my family knew at the time because my mom thought I was living with my dad and my dad thought I was living with my mom. I faced a lot of pain while living on the streets and that feeling led to hopelessness. Overtime I was able to get off the streets and ran away from my traffickers but unlike most women and children out there “I was the one that got away”. I was very lucky to have managed to escape the life I was living on the street and after long thoughts of not wanting to be back in the system as I was still under the age of 18. I went to go live with my dad at this point in my journey. This itself was a challenge as I continued to run away and get into trouble during my college years until I finally broke that “cycle “of acting in a trauma response way and turned my life around. Although in my young adult years I faced more sexual abuse and having to deal with the legal system I was able to choose a better life for myself. I graduated College then went on to University while working in the field of social work. I finally had a stable roof over my head even though living with my father had its downfalls I had shelter. Although I struggled and still struggle with my trauma, I have a firm foundation of friends and family that care and love me. I have now been able to move out on my own and started my healing journey. I have created a small non-profit business for myself that focuses on motivational speaking and mental health workshops. Related to children, youth and adults that struggle with mental health and early childhood trauma. I hope to one day host my very own TED talk and share my life stories/ my poetry. I wish to own and create a place like a healing ranch for many to come and focus on their own healing pathways. Contact Information Website: www.tt2.net.in Email: tt2workz@gmail.com Phone: (647) 575-1052  

Truth and Reconciliation Event September 29, 2023 – We gathered together to remember, heal, and empower communities at The Gatehouse Healing Garden. We are grateful for the courage, knowledge sharing, wisdom and kindness of Kristi White, Leonard Benoit, and Kaitlyn Chapman. The event helped to shed light on critical issues facing Indigenous peoples in Canada through an impactful art exhibit, research presentations by students, and engaging storytelling. As we gathered in this serene oasis, we honored and remembered the rich cultural heritage of Indigenous communities while addressing the challenges they face today.  The Gatehouse was presented with an Eagle Feather at this event by Kristi White, who highlighted the responsibility of the protection of children and the work The Gatehouse. An Eagle Feather symbolizes respect, honour, strength, courage and wisdom. Speaker Bios Kaitlyn Chapman – Kaitlyn is from the Tyendinaga Mohawk Territory now living in Toronto. She is the Indigenous Community Engagement Coordinator at Humber College and actively works with her team to partner with Indigenous communities to develop outreach initiatives that are meaningful, authentic, and responsive to the strengths and diverse needs of Indigenous learners, families, and communities. Leonard Benoit – Leonard, is Qalipu Mi’kmaq from Burgeo, Newfoundland and Labrador, is one of 10 Indigenous patient navigators working across the province. He supports patients at Sunnybrook’s Odette Cancer Centre and other hospitals in Toronto. Kristi White – Kristi is a member of the Oneida Nation of the Thames. She is an author and her focus is on Indigenous language and culture revitalization, and an awakening in boy’s literacy. Kristi White a proud Haudnosaunee woman. As a mother and grandmother, Kristi has spent many years guiding the establishment and implementation of programs for families and children based around healthy living, healthy relationships, literacy and cultural appropriate content and has worked alongside and consulted with numerous agency’s across Canada. Kristi is a children’s Author who h as a 5 book series, The Adventures of Jay and Gizmo, that is focused on indigenous children especially boys and literacy. Kristi and her family are very culturally and socially active in their communities and participate in many events and ceremonies. The Healing Garden will serve as a symbolic space for us to learn, share experiences, and collectively move towards healing and understanding. It provides an opportunity to engage with diverse perspectives, fostering empathy and compassion.

Education and Awareness: Teaching Children about Body Safety and Consent By: Harjot Singh, Practicum Student, Alternative Dispute Resolution Post-Grad Certificate Program Children’s safety and well-being are of paramount importance, and one crucial aspect of their education is teaching them about body safety and consent. By equipping children with knowledge and skills related to these topics, we empower them to protect themselves, establish boundaries, and recognize inappropriate behavior. In this article, we will explore the significance of educating children about body safety and consent, discuss age-appropriate approaches to teaching these concepts, and highlight the importance of fostering a safe and open environment for discussions on these sensitive subjects. Educating children about body safety and consent is essential for their personal safety, emotional well-being, and development of healthy relationships. It equips children with the tools to recognize and respond to inappropriate behavior, understand their rights over their own bodies, and develop a sense of autonomy. By teaching children about consent, we instill in them the understanding that they have the right to set boundaries and that their consent should always be respected. This knowledge empowers children to advocate for themselves and seek help if they encounter situations that make them uncomfortable or unsafe. When teaching children about body safety and consent, it is essential to consider their age and developmental stage. Younger children can be introduced to basic concepts such as the proper names for body parts, understanding that their bodies belong to them, and the importance of saying “no” to unwanted touch. As children grow older, discussions can expand to topics such as understanding personal boundaries, distinguishing between safe and unsafe touch, and learning to communicate their feelings and boundaries effectively. Adolescents can be educated about consent within the context of relationships, emphasizing the importance of mutual respect, communication, and the absence of coercion. Fostering a safe and open environment is crucial for teaching children about body safety and consent. It is important to create a non-judgmental space where children feel comfortable asking questions, sharing their concerns, and expressing their emotions. Encouraging open dialogue and active listening enables children to develop a deeper understanding of these topics and builds trust between adults and children. Parents, caregivers, and educators play a vital role in modeling healthy boundaries, respectful behavior, and appropriate communication, setting an example for children to follow. Additionally, collaboration with schools and communities to implement comprehensive sex education programs can ensure that children receive consistent and age-appropriate information about body safety and consent. Teaching children about body safety and consent is a critical component of their education and personal development. By equipping children with the knowledge, skills, and understanding of their rights, we empower them to protect themselves, establish boundaries, and foster healthy relationships. It is our collective responsibility to create a safe and open environment where these discussions can take place, ensuring the safety and well-being of children in our communities. For more information and resources about Body Safety, please check out Rosalia Rivera at Consent Parenting https://www.consentparenting.com/ Consent, Kids, and Culture | Rosalia Rivera | TEDxOneonta References: Sanders, J. (2021). Body Safety. Empowering Kids to Stay Safe. Retrieved from https://www.heysigmund.com/body-safety-empowering-kids-stay-safe-safe-jayneen-sanders/ Nienow, S. (2019). Seven Steps to Teaching Children Body Autonomy. Safety. Retrieved from https://www.rchsd.org/2019/12/seven-steps-to-teaching-children-body-autonomy/