The Adverse Childhood and The Fear of Rejection as an Adult By: Sherry Slejska After all the trauma management and recovery work that I had dedicated my efforts to over the past 3 years, I thought I had inspected nearly every part of my thoughts, emotions and behaviors and should finally be coming close to the promised land of feeling whole, well balanced, and effectively navigating through the complexities of life. But the effects of childhood trauma are so broad and deep, and I knew there was still some “detailing” to be done.  Until recent events, I couldn’t isolate the cause but knew I was still having episodes of intense feelings of anticipated rejection; an emotion which agitated a fear response in me which could have easily been dismissed as a PTSD trigger. As a survivor and student of the art of recover from trauma; a necessity if you want to grow out of your trauma and into a new version of yourself, I have become very in-tune with what is going on in my thoughts, body, and emotions. In fact, I check in with myself a couple times a day. I know if something is starting to trigger me. I can feel my shoulders, upper back and jaw tighten. I typically clench my fists and my throat starts to tighten as well.  My thoughts then become less clear as my limbic system starts to take over and my foggy brain serves me best by simply grabbing hold of some basic grounding technics and doing some diaphragmatic breathing to disarm the sympathetic nervous system. Once disarmed, and the parasympathetic nervous system brings about calm, I find myself tired and in need of some authentic self care, self compassion, and rest. Yes, I have PTSD, but it doesn’t manage me, I manage it and because I have been very dedicated to my healing and management; such episodes rarely occur and when they do my recover is quite rapid. I’ve also come to realize that PTSD is not an excuse or dumping bucket for every unhelpful behavior, emotion, or thought and that perhaps this very same response can be activated by a cause which sits slightly outside of the “PTSD bucket” or perhaps is better captured within the unofficial diagnosis of Complex PTSD. Regardless, fear of rejection can have its cause rooted in an adverse childhood, the cause of my PTSD response, and can present itself in maladaptive behaviors as an adult. Using attachment theory as a framework can support an explanation of the unhelpful personality styles some adults experience (Berman, et al, 1994) and presents reason and opportunity to explore alternate diagnose and treatment of symptoms.  So, let’s revisit the idea of an adverse childhood; the kind peppered with various forms of abuse and neglect and then turn our attention to the effects. An adverse childhood can take many shapes and can be the outcome of negative environmental influencers as well as genetic factors of resiliency and cognitive interpretation by the child at the applicable stage of development. So, what might impact one person may not impact another, even though circumstances are less than ideal for that child. Some of the known long-term effects include low self esteem and attachment issues (Steele, 1986). Attachment issues not only impact children but carry forward into adult years. Mary Ainsworth’s involvement in the study of attachment focussed primarily on children, but not all children grow out of these unhealthy adaptive behaviors. There is ample evidence that attachment as a psychopathology in adults and can have considerable adverse implications on the socio-psychological well being of those adults (Berman et al, 1994). The adult who has adverse childhood experiences and experiences an exaggerated fear of rejection; the need for reassurance and a subsequent fear response seems to support that a traumatic childhood may not only propagate a maladaptive attachment style as a child, but it may also continue to impact the adult in an unhealthy attachment style and subsequent need for reassurance and exaggerated fear response to rejection. Rejection sensitivity is seen in a personality which is overly sensitive to social rejection (Gao et al, 2017). Most people are naturally reactive to experiencing interpersonal rejection and will naturally go to great lengths to avoid it. Emotions such as fear, anger, anxiety depression among other emotions can surface as a result. We know that living within social groups requires individuals to experience acceptance (Leary, 2015) so when rejection occurs it can be devasting and when a person lives with a looming anticipation of rejection it can be debilitating. Leary (2015) suggests that rejection is emotions translated as “perceived low relational value” and that while rejection can produce intense emotions of pain, fear, anger, anxiety, embarrassment, loneliness, sadness, to name few, the opposite to rejection is acceptance and presents opportunity for a full range of positive emotions (Leary, 2015).  This seems to present a similar relationship that birth and death present, or good and evil; you simply can not have one without the other.   So how does a person who has a fear of rejection; the effect of a maladaptive attachment style, manage the subsequent fear response? Or perhaps it’s time to consider how the brain can be trained to learn to accept a new, healthier attachment style which can then produce a more normal response to rejection? To that end, we move away from management and towards restoration and healing. I’d like to suggest that it starts with the acceptance that rejection is a natural part of the human experience and that to be subject to rejection also gives you the right to reject others.  Rejection represents freedom of choice and that is something many adults with an adverse childhood lacked. To accept rejection also means we must be open to acceptance. Again, a concept many adults with traumatic childhood lacked. To use logic; to acknowledge rejection as an acceptable reality is to embrace the freedom to choose and the worthiness to be accepted. In

Feeling Shame around Healing  By Neha Patel, Previous Practicum Student, The Gatehouse   “Shame is really easily understood as the fear of disconnection. Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it, that I won’t be worthy of connection?” (Brown, 2010). This is a question that may come up for some survivors of childhood sexual abuse. You are not alone in feelings of shame, fear, or disconnection.   Shame is a feeling that many survivors experience. Feelings of shame have been noted to contribute to feeling like a prisoner in your own body (The Gatehouse, 2020). In relation to vulnerability, feeling shame of expressing your vulnerability, can connect with your personal moral compass and it is not wrong to feel shame (The Gatehouse, 2020). Shame and guilt are genuine experiences of someone who has been traumatized by childhood sexual abuse (The Gatehouse, 2020). One reason for these feelings may be that we live in a culture that imposes shame and guilt on people.   What is the difference between shame and guilt? One way to think about it is that shame goes inwards and focuses on the self (The Gatehouse, 2020). For example, “I am a horrible person.” In comparison, guilt focuses outwards and on the actual behaviour (The Gatehouse, 2020). For example, “I did something horrible.”   Self-sabotage can also be closely related to feelings of shame as there can be so much shame attached to the sense of self. Shame can lead to self-sabotage as it can contribute to self-worthiness and feeling like they are not enough (Thompson, 2020). Self-sabotage relates to childhood sexual abuse survivors as they can self-sabotage as a coping mechanism to cope with the trauma from their experiences. Some survivors may have these thoughts as they think that there is nothing they can do or, no matter what they do, they are not worthy enough for anyone (Thompson, 2020). As a result, survivors who self-sabotage may predict and believe that they are going to be rejected (Thompson, 2020). It is important to take these negative thoughts and restructure them in order to adjust behaviours in one’s healing journey. To do this, individuals must be consciously aware of these thoughts and make an effort to change them.  Here is one tool that might be helpful to reframe what is surfacing for you. The STOP Technique S – Stop – Stop whatever you are doing. Take a step back. Disengage from the situation. Take a break and put everything off for just a few minutes. T – Take. Take a deep breath. And another, and another. Give yourself 15 seconds of just focusing on your breath. Feel the breath moving through your body. O – Observe. Notice your thoughts and how your body is feeling. Name the emotions you’re feeling and consider why you are feeling that way, with no judgment. P – Proceed. Move forward in an intentional way that honours your needs and feelings. What will really make you feel better or help you cope? Other feelings that may arise in relation to shame include feeling embarrassed, weak, or vulnerable. All these feelings can make it difficult for survivors to reach out for help and therefore impact their healing journey. However, it is important to remember that seeking help is not a weakness. Seeking help shows strength. It takes courage to speak up, share your story, and have your voice heard. Showing courage is one way to break down the culture that imposes shame. Courage is a big step in healing as it can lead to greater connections. Always remember that you are worthy. You are not alone.  References  Brown, B. (2010, June). The power of vulnerability [Video]. TED Conferences. https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_the_power_of_vulnerability?language=en  The Gatehouse. (2020). Phase 1 peer support group program participant manual.  Thompson, S. (2020, December 10). Self-sabotage [Audio blog post]. Retrieved from https://www.blogtalkradio.com/personaltransformation/2020/12/10/self-sabotage  The Wellness Society. (n.d.). The Stop Technique. Retrieved from https://thewellnesssociety.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/STOP-Technique-PDF-1.pdf

How Do I Support My Partner/ Friend?  By: Eden Deak, Practicum Student, The Gatehouse  Has a friend or partner come to you, entrusting you with their story? Here are some essential tips to keep in mind when supporting a survivor.  Based on my experience, using empathetic listening, trust-building, patience, and positive language helped me become a supportive friend when I was entrusted with their story.   When your partner comes to you for support, it is essential to understand how childhood sexual abuse (or any abuse for that matter) affects an individual. (Government of Canada, 2012) When dealing with trauma, the most common thing a survivor experiences is the feeling of loneliness and isolation. (CAMH, 2020) My friend disclosed to me that she felt so alone; her family didn’t believe her, and when they did, they shamed her for it. Therefore, it is vital that when a survivor comes to you seeking support, you use empathetic listening to make sure they don’t feel silenced. (Parisi, 2020)  What is empathetic listening? It is a form of active listening which relies on being compassionate to the speaker’s input by giving support and encouragement rather than advice or criticism. (Indeed, 2020) When your partner or friend shares their experience with you, it is essential to remember to; give your undivided attention, be non-judgmental, observe the emotion behind their words and don’t feel you must have an immediate reply. (Parisi, 2020) I gave my friend a safe space to voice whatever was on her mind without fear of judgment by using empathic listening. I stayed silent and listened to her words and her emotions. The action of me just being there for her as a trusted friend is another significant step towards becoming a better supporter. (Parisi, 2020)   Building trust for a survivor is an essential element to transitioning from isolation to inclusion. A survivor must form an understanding of the difference between keeping “secrets” and asking someone, in confidence, to hold and honour their experience. (Parisi, 2020) For a supporter to build this trust with their partner/friend, it is vital to be there for them when they need someone to talk to, when they need company and respecting their privacy. Allow the survivor to disclose their experience at their own pace; you want to make them feel comfortable and in control of their healing process. (Parisi, 2020) Building trust can go hand in hand with patience; allowing the survivor to take their time disclosing their experience can sometimes take longer than others. It is important to remember that everyone heals differently at their own pace.   Lastly, positive langue and words of encouragement can make a huge difference in a survivor’s healing process. Positive language can transform how you and others think and feel, like increasing self-esteem. One example of this is positive affirmations. Remind yourself and your partner; you are loved, you are strong, you are enough, and most of all, you are not alone.  References CAMH. (2020, November 1). Recognizing the effects of abuse-related trauma. CAMH. Retrieved September 29, 2021, from https://www.camh.ca/en/health-info/guides-and-publications/recognizing-the-effects-of-abuse-related-trauma.   Government of Canada. (2012, July 26). When your partner was sexually abused as a child: A guide for partners. Retrieved from https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/health-promotion/stop-family-violence/prevention-resource-centre/children/partner-sexually-abused-child-guide.html#Why   Indeed Editorial Team. (2020, February 8). Empathic listening: Definition, examples and tips. Indeed Career Guide. Retrieved September 29, 2021, from https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/career-development/empathic-listening.   Parisi, P. (2020, May 13). Additions to Facilitators Manual. The Gatehouse.  

How to Set Healthy Boundaries   By: Ikjot Sandhu, Practicum Student, The Gatehouse   Over the developmental years of a child’s life, there are many things a child will learn and skills a child will develop. One of the skills that is vital for children to learn in the early years of their lives is boundary setting. Boundaries are limits and rules an individual sets for themselves in different areas of their life to protect their own mental health.   A large part of what shapes a child’s perception of what they should accept is influenced by what they see and what they are taught (Registrations, 2013). In a child’s life, when basic needs are met, they are able to grow up feeling safe, therefore having a good understanding of healthy boundaries (Registrations, 2013). However, when children face trauma in their lives such as childhood sexual abuse, they do not learn how to set healthy boundaries later on in their lives. An example of this would be when a child who is being sexually abused is told: “not tell anyone” or to “keep it a secret”. This causes a child to develop a perception that if someone is causing them pain to not reach out for help, but rather deal with it on their own. In contrast, a child who has developed healthy boundaries in childhood would learn to respect their wellbeing and communicate if someone or something is harming them.   In an article published on healforlife.com, the author discusses how issues with boundaries can present themselves in different forms for individuals who have experienced trauma. In severe cases, “inadequate boundary formation” can present in individuals in a form of mental illness. On the other hand, some survivors who have boundary formation issues can present in more subtle ways such as:   It is difficult for you to ask for what you want and need and hard to say ‘NO’ to others when you would like to.   It is easier to take care of other people’s needs and desires than your own.  It is also easier to go along with them than express your own opinions.   Relationships seem to be one-way and you always put more into them than you get out of them. But even though you’re not getting what you want, you stay with them just the same.   Other people’s moods have a big effect on you because you feel responsible for them. When they are happy, you are happy. When they are sad or angry, you blame yourself.   People can take or borrow things from you without returning them or repaying you. What’s theirs is theirs and what’s yours is theirs.  Although issues with setting boundaries are often developed in one’s childhood, it is still very possible for individuals to develop strong boundary setting skills later on in life. Working towards setting healthy boundaries is an ongoing process and will look different for all individuals. Although there many ways in which you can set boundaries, here are some tips that will make it easier for you (Pattemore, 2021):    Start small and only set a couple of boundaries so you do not overwhelm yourself.  Be consistent with your boundaries.  Make sure to communicate your boundaries or when you feel that they are not being respected.   Be your own biggest cheerleader and understand that you are capable of making the best decisions for you!   References  Pattemore, C. (2021, June 3). 10 ways to build and preserve better boundaries. Psych Central. Retrieved October 29, 2021, from https://psychcentral.com/lib/10-way-to-build-and-preserve-better-boundaries#10-tips.   Registrations. (2013, August 13). The effect of trauma on boundary development. Heal For Life. Retrieved October 29, 2021, from  https://healforlife.com.au/the-effect-of-trauma-on-boundary-development/.  

Understanding & Releasing Anger  Written By: Daniella Tucci, Practicum Student   What is anger? According to the American Psychological Association anger is an emotion characterized by antagonism toward someone or something that you feel has done wrong to you (n.d.).  To understand the emotion of anger we need to recognize that anger is a secondary feeling that follows other feelings. This means that depending on the situation oftentimes we might feel shocked, upset, scared, amongst other feelings, which then triggers our anger response.  Did you know that there are two types of anger?  Residual: any anger we feel or hold from our past.  Reactive: any anger we face in the present.  For childhood sexual abuse survivors, the emotion of anger is a natural, as well as a necessary emotion that is essential to their healing process. The feeling of anger can help give survivors the motivation to assert self-respect as well as create boundaries. It is ultimately the survivor’s choice to decide how they will respond to the anger they hold. At The Gatehouse we encourage survivors to take the anger they hold from their abuse and use that to help motivate and guide them on their healing journey.  “From my experience dealing with anger, it didn’t serve me. When I did approach anger from a positive manner, it helped me progress to better coping with my anger, so that my anger didn’t turn into rage and get me into trouble. I learned to P.A.U.S.E. at The Gatehouse, use mindfulness, go for a walk. I kept a stone in my pocket to help me ground myself. I tried journalling to a certain degree. I would focus on my anger and see what was happening to me. I would refocus to ground myself.” – Stewart Thompson, Peer Facilitator, Advocate, and Thriver  At The Gatehouse we guide our participants in a four-step process to release their anger…  Acknowledge: the feelings and emotions connected to anger  Identify: the feelings connected to your anger  Choose: to make rational decisions  Take Steps: to release tension   Survivors are often unsure if change is possible in relation to expressing their anger, but with time and effort our responses to anger can be changed. It is possible to learn unlearn old habits and learn new, healthier ways to respond to anger. At The Gatehouse we would like to help childhood sexual abuse survivors understand that anger CAN become a healthy and productive feeling. For more information on our Phase 1 program, please visit https://thegatehouse.org   References   American Psychological Association. (n.d.). Anger and aggression. American Psychological Association. Retrieved October 22, 2021, from https://www.apa.org/topics/anger.      The Gatehouse. (2020). Phase 1 peer support group participant manual.    

Grooming: Recognizing the Signs Written by: Anonymous The effect of childhood sexual abuse carries long-lasting consequences for survivors. Consequences that rob a child and/or adult of their potential. A survivor’s life can be impacted far later in life or early on. While I am not a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, I am a survivor of repeated sexual abuse.  I just turned 18, and he was 25. I was groomed. Being groomed is a process an offender relies on to gradually draw their victim into a sexual relationship maintained in secrecy (Darkness to Light, 2015). The offender may try to gain trust and value through their victim and the victim’s family (Darkness to Light, 2015). I was oblivious at the time; I thought I was unique, getting the attention of someone much older than me. He showered me with gifts and attention. Over time, he gained my trust and used it against me. He separated me from friends and family, made it out to be us against the world, but that was far from the truth.  The early signs were there; however, I did a good job of hiding what I could. I was angry with myself for how well I kept it hidden. My parents never knew, not until years later when the #MeeToo movement started. I started to hear different stories from other survivors that ignited my journey of healing. During and after my abuse, I was made to think what happened was okay because I never said “no.” I realized years later that I never said no because I was groomed into believing what was happing to me was okay. I was told over and over, “if you love me, then you would do this for me,” “all girlfriends do this for their boyfriends, even if they don’t want to.”  By the end of the abuse, I had isolated myself from my family, friends, and abuser. I became overwhelmed with anger, resentment, and shame that I had shut off entirely because my abuser tore down my self-esteem and had me believe I wasn’t worthy of anyone. I created a mask of who people wanted to see while I retreated into myself as my way of protecting myself. Because I had isolated myself from him, he grew frustrated and left not long after. It has taken me years to find myself again through the help of a psychologist, therapist, and community.  I learned how to find my inner self and that it is okay to be vulnerable because I am worthy of connection, healing, and love. I had come to realize that isolating myself was the result of not feeling worthy enough for help. So, I now tell myself that I am enough, I am capable, and I am not alone, a mantra that has changed my life for the better. What I experienced is only a few of the grooming tactics used. Other signs of grooming behaviour can include:  Special attention, outings, and gifts Isolation from others Filling unmet needs of their victim  Filling needs and roles within the family Treating the child as if he or she is older Gradually crossing physical boundaries and becoming increasingly intimate/sexual Use of secrecy, blame, and threats to maintain control (Darkness to Light, 2015) After the #MeToo movement, I found my voice, and with my voice, I aim to help others. Community and support are vital to healing from trauma, something that The Gatehouse provides wholeheartedly. References Darkness to Light, D. L. (2015, June 22). Child sexual abuse statistics – darkness to light. Darkness to Light . Retrieved October 29, 2021, from https://www.d2l.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/all_statistics_20150619.pdf.  

Dear Gatehouse Community, I am reaching out to you all today to announce the resignation of Stephanie Alves, Women’s Program Coordinator. Her last day at The Gatehouse is October 21, 2021. Stephanie is leaving due to being offered a position with another organization. Since Stephanie joined The Gatehouse team in 2013, she has been a valuable and well-respected member of our team, bringing a “hit the ground running” attitude, with empathy, compassion, and kindness in her role as the Women’s Program Coordinator. She has helped many survivors find their voice, heal and connect in the community. She has mentored countless students, volunteers, and community members in the values, mission, and vision of The Gatehouse. We will dearly miss Stephanie’s professionalism, kindness, and support over these past 7+ years of service to The Gatehouse in her role.  Stephanie’s Gatehouse email will remain active as she will remain on as a volunteer helping with future events in support of The Gatehouse. However, all program coordinator responsibilities will be directed to another staff member. A Message from Stephanie to The Gatehouse Community “As I move on to the next chapter of my professional life, I’d like to express my heartfelt gratitude to The Gatehouse community for the priceless memories, lessons, and friendships I’ve gained here. Additionally, it was an honour and blessing to be able to work alongside an amazing and dedicated team, volunteers, and students. I will treasure these meaningful experiences we all shared together.  Furthermore, I will cherish the memories of meeting numerous courageous individuals, and witnessing their great capacities and resilience unfold before me. You are all truly inspirational human beings that continue to pave the way for survivors to find their voices.  Thank you all for making my time with The Gatehouse so rewarding. Best wishes to you all.  Sincerely,  Stephanie Alves”  We honour her decision and wish her all the best in her future endeavours. On behalf of everyone at The Gatehouse please wish Stephanie all the best for the future. With utmost and sincere gratitude, Maria Barcelos, Executive Director, MA, B.A. ASIST, Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) 416-255-5900 x225  |  http://thegatehouse.org/ 3101 Lake Shore Blvd. West, Toronto, ON M8V 3W8   Join us at Virtual Scotiabank Toronto Waterfront Marathon. Walk, run, 5KM during the month of October. Ask your friends, colleagues, or family to sponsor your walk. By joining The Gatehouse team, you are helping other survivors find their voice. Join or donate to our team today here!  

Join us for the Scotiabank Charity Challenge! All October long virtual event. Run walk anytime in October. Raise funds to help The Gatehouse! October 1 – 31, 2021 | Virtual Race Steps to get started 1. Register and pay the registration fee for the 5KM/half or full marathon at the Scotiabank Toronto Charity Challenge here  2. Select The Gatehouse as your charity of choice during the registration process 3. Start raising funds with your own personalized fundraising page or share the Team page donation link with your network Donate at https://raceroster.com/events/2021/48139/2021-scotiabank-toronto-waterfront-marathon/fundraising-organization/30740?aff=9PSTS

LOVERIN’S LAW – QUEENS PARK LOBBY DATE: Tuesday, October 26, 2021 TIME: 12pm – 4pm WHERE; Queens Park, Toronto  FOR EVENT UPDATES VISIT Facebook @centreformentalhealthtransformation Page and go to “Events“ – LOVERIN’S LAW LOBBY COVID 100 ppl Max Recommendation; Wear mask Social Distance LOOK FOR 2 ORANGE SHIRTS AND THE LOVERIN’S LAW GROUND SIGNS FOR EVENT UPDATES VISIT Facebook @centreformentalhealthtransformation Page and go to “Events“ – LOVERIN’S LAW LOBBY COVID 100 ppl Max Recommendation; Wear mask Social Distance SPEAKERS Founder, Loverins Law Charmaine Loverin Founder Voices of Inspired Children Engaging Society Ahmeda Mansaray Richardson Honourable MPP Micheal Mantha Toronto Police Services, Sergeant Milton Ferguson Founder, The Gatehouse Toronto Arthur Lockhart Founder, Abuse Hurts Ellen Campbell Student 13 years old Kai  University Professor, Educator, Mediator and Human Rights Advocate Peter Dawson INTENTION You will be attending to show support for Loverins Law which is a request to mandate an Awareness & Prevention Week for Abuse Prevention in all Ontario Schools during the proclaimed month for Child Abuse Prevention Current school policies describe under the safe schools and mental health policies; how educators are trained to identify and report abuse. The policies allow the OCAS signature “Dress Purple Awareness Day”  this event shows youth and students there is people are there to help.  The policy also is mandates education support for students on “inappropriate touching, neglect, healthy relationships, and bullying prevention. Neglect is not taught. All the above policy mandates are important to sustain and…….. Students are NOT taught the actual life skills and language use of the word “Abuse” At reading ages 5-7 kids CAN be appropriately be taught under the same context and content as “Stop” and “Danger “ the word “ Abuse”, same for more education on language use “ Healthy Boundaries”, “Trust” “Grooming” Abuse is an empty word till it becomes learned context or an experience 8-12 years old and grades 3-6 CAN be taught the very important and different kinds of context and real language skills for abuse prevention like: verbal, emotional, physical, domestic violence, neglect and sexual And 13+ grades 7+ CAN be educated on the cultural histories and advocacies for abuse prevention This CANNOT be taught in ONE DAY, ALL SCHOOLS must MANDATE “Loverins Law” by implementing a full learning a week for abuse prevention education It’s time! Bring your advocacy boards demonstrating YOUR words why Loverins Law is important for you! Advocate from your position as survivor, or parent, or educator or worker! Use above language if you want from the above or email Charmaine at charmaineloverin @gmail.com  

Written By: Amy Tai, Program Assistant, Community and Justice Services Diploma (c),  An important part of being a parent is nurturing and raising up our children to be kind, smart, and logical decision-makers. Teaching our kids to not touch a hot stove will teach them not to ignore obvious signs of danger. Teaching our kids to love and embrace who they are will teach them to love and embrace others as they are. We know the reality of the hurting world that we live in. We know of all the pain and suffering to be found. So, we do our best to prepare and protect our children from the evils of the world.   Sometimes it may feel easier to ignore the bad things and shelter our children in a desperate attempt to protect them from any harm. But other times, no matter how hard it may be to introduce them to the broken ways of the world, it is necessary.  Child sexual abuse is a serious problem affecting far too many children and families across the globe. Approximately 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 6 boys will experience some form of sexual abuse before the age of 18 (Little Warriors, 2021). But this is just the tip of the iceberg as nearly 95 percent of child sexual abuse cases are thought to go unreported (Little Warriors, 2021). Child sexual abuse affects children of all ages, regardless of ethnicity, socio-economic status, education, or gender. The hard truth: no child is completely immune to the risk of sexual abuse, however, through education and awareness, the risk can be significantly reduced.    Education is the key to preventing child sexual abuse from occurring. Just knowing about the risks is not enough. To prevent and reduce the risk of sexual abuse for children in your life, it is crucial to fully understand the signs and symptoms, common myths and misconceptions, and be able to have open discussions with your children. While this can be uncomfortable or maybe even feel wrong, talking about sexuality and sexual abuse is a major key in prevention. It can help foster a healthy and safe adult-child relationship which makes it easier for a child to reach out for help and disclose abuse when it happens. Having this knowledge gives children an understanding of what’s happening and why it’s wrong as well as the proper language to disclose and express their feelings.  A child who has been sexually abused is at risk of experiencing a range of behavioural, physical, emotional, and psychological difficulties, some of which can extend well into adulthood if untreated. These difficulties include depression, anxiety, drug and alcohol abuse, overwhelming feelings of guilt, shame, and self-blame.   What are the signs?  The signs and symptoms of child sexual abuse can present themselves physically, behaviourally, and emotionally.   Sexually transmitted infections and signs of trauma to the genital area, such as unexplained bruising or blood on the sheets, underwear, or other clothing, are physical signs of sexual abuse (Warning Signs for Young Children | RAINN, 2021).  Secret keeping, resuming behaviours they had grown out of (bedwetting, thumb sucking), avoiding removal of clothing to change or bathe, and fear of being left alone with certain people are all behavioural signs (Warning Signs for Young Children | RAINN, 2021).  Finally, changes in eating habits, mood, or personality, excessive worry or fear, an increase in unexplained health problems such as stomach or head aches, and a loss or decrease in interest in school, activities, and friends are all examples of emotional signs (Warning Signs for Young Children | RAINN, 2021).  What can parents/caregivers do to try to prevent abuse from happening?  The key to prevention is education and communication. Once you have established a full understanding of child sexual abuse and its signs, symptoms, and risks, you will be better equipped to notice when something is off with your child. When this happens, don’t freak out. Pay attention and look into it further. Listen to your child when they reach out. If they tell you that someone makes them uncomfortable, believe them, even if they can’t give you a reason why.   Most importantly, remember that if something does happen to your child, the perpetrator is to blame. Not you, and especially not your child.   “When someone knows that their voice will be heard and taken seriously, it gives them the courage to speak up when something isn’t right. Encourage children to speak up” (How Can I Protect My Child From Sexual Assault? | RAINN, 2021).  References  How Can I Protect My Child From Sexual Assault? | RAINN. (2021). RAINN. https://www.rainn.org/articles/how-can-i-protect-my-child-sexual-assault  Little Warriors. (2021, April 29). Information & Resources. https://littlewarriors.ca/about/information-resources/#:%7E:text=Prevalence%20of%20child%20sexual%20abuse&text=It’s%20estimated%20that%20a%20staggering,is%20thought%20to%20go%20unreported.  Warning Signs for Young Children | RAINN. (2021). RAINN. https://www.rainn.org/articles/warning-signs-young-children