Samantha Was Only 4 Years Old When She Was Abused Trigger Warning: The following story contains sensitive and potentially triggering details pertaining to experiences of childhood sexual assault. Names in the following lived experience story have been changed to protect those impacted by this trauma. Samantha was 4 years old when her babysitter of 14 and her babysitters’ friend asked her to go into the tent which was set up in the backyard. Samantha was thrilled to be invited to hang out with the big girls. When they asked her to engage in oral sex, Samantha never questioned it. She thought it was a new game. After all, how much does a 4 year old know about sex? Samantha had never been educated about boundaries or inappropriate touching. Samantha says she can still see the images in her head of what happened that day. She also recalls that the tent was canvas and had at least 4 people inside. This was the start of a trauma that would impact that 4-year-old girl for the rest of her life. As a middle-aged adult, Samantha can recall the encounter in the tent. She also says that she had thought that her older brother must have also been abused. He and his friends used her for sexual gratification, which she recalls started at age 10. Samantha explains that she put a stop to it when she was around 13 years old by threatening to tell the police. He continued to visit her at night and stand in her doorway staring at her. She would wake and he would be standing there exposing himself and pleasuring himself. Once again she had to threaten legal action for this to stop. Even though Samantha knows that she had been abused from age 4 until 13 she can not recall anything from age 5 – 10 years. She has a 5-year gap in her memory. It’s very common for survivors like Samantha to have memory gaps for all or part of their abuse. Psychologists call this dissociative amnesia. This type of mental disorder involves the inability to recall important information which is significant enough for a healthy brain to recall. It is believed to be her brain’s way of protecting her from what must have been devastating. Samantha was advised by her older brother that it was during that time that they were both abused by their babysitter and from that point on it was like an addiction for him with an unlimited supply. Samantha was the supply. Now in her mid 40’s she looks back and says that she can not recall ever sleeping fully through the night. Her reality has been waking up 2-6 times a night. Samantha has also had a hard time managing everyday stressors and can easily become anxious. Her anxiety causes her to feel like she is being choked; her muscles in her hips, legs, and neck tighten up and she grinds her teeth when she sleeps. She has nightmares and wakes in a cold sweat. She is embarrassed and ashamed by the unpleasant thoughts which uncontrollably haunt her mind. She makes attempts to think about different things but her body keeps telling her she is in danger. A sudden stare from a stranger, the sight of a tent or even a smell can set her inner alarm off which can take days to disarm. Samantha has been diagnosed with Complex PTSD. Many people don’t understand that PTSD is more of an injury than a mental illness. The injury occurs in the nervous system and causes dysregulation of the amygdala, the part of the brain which sends warning signals when one is in danger; triggering a fight or flight reaction. Someone with Complex PTSD has the symptoms of PTSD with some additional symptoms such as emotional dysregulation and severe problems trusting. Self-esteem is also impacted. It is likely that Samantha has suffered with this for years. She simply can not recall ever feeling “normal”. While already off work for stress, she found out that she had C-PTSD resulting from numerous prolonged childhood traumas. She advised her employer on a Friday and the following Tuesday she received word that she would not have a job to go back to as her department had been restructured and her position no longer existed. Samantha did not get PTSD from a high risk job. There is no pension benefit for her injury or WSIB to help her heal and her employer’s disability plan will stop payments after 2 years, leaving her with no income at all. With no job she no longer had the health benefits to pay for therapy and no hope of a job to go back to. Her only hope is to find healing so she can be strong enough to return to work and design a better future. We don’t know what the future holds for Samantha but we do know that she is presently enrolled in one of the peer support groups at The Gatehouse, where she will find others just like her. Together these women will learn the skills they need to manage the daily challenges of living with the impact of childhood sexual abuse. They will help each other to open up about the trauma and confront some of the hard issues. She will have a sense of community and safety as she develops skills, new relationships, and transitions her trauma story from a place of fear and shame to a place of self-compassion and courage; equipping her to move forward and leaving her past behind. The Gatehouse can only help people like Samantha with the generosity of our donors. We will not charge Samantha for the trauma program we provide; she has already paid a big enough price. Every donation makes healing for people like Samantha possible. $20 per month can make all the difference. Donate today Please consider making a donation to help The Gatehouse The Gatehouse, a community based charitable organization that provides much-needed

How do you practice self-care? Many survivors that attend Gatehouse programs have mentioned that Yoga is part of their self-care practice. Yoga is a versatile process that has demonstrated effectiveness in helping people feel calmer, grounded and focused. The practice of Yoga may be modified for various levels of experience, from beginner to expert to even incorporating the use of a chair for support. There are many types of yoga practices.  We connected with a trauma-informed yoga instructor Nicola at Nicola Yoga to talk more about the benefits for survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Nicola has personally experienced the healing benefits of yoga as a way to manage and heal body pain.  She highlighted that Trauma Informed Yoga is a strengths-based practice that emphasizes emotional safety and creates opportunities for survivors to rebuild a sense of control and empowerment.  As many survivors experience a wide array of triggers, especially pertaining to their physical body, it is important for the instructor/practitioner to be able to recognize when participants are in a “triggered” response and to help them through such experiences. Lilly and Hedlund (2010) mentioned that providing participants with different options when engaging in yoga activities is helpful and empowering. They also noted research has found that the following strategies are also beneficial: Grounding. Participants get close to the ground and use their hands to feel the solidness underneath them. Orienting. Help participants to remember where they are at the present moment and that the present moment is safe. Resourcing. Participants draw upon emotional resources of strength and safety (e.g., a favorite song lyric or thoughts of a safe place). These can be developed beforehand for all participants, to be used in the case of triggering. Nicola emphasized the importance of providing different choices to survivors when engaging in yoga practice. Check out the video interview with Nicola Yoga, Trauma-informed practitioner below. Feel free to share the video on your social networks. Help support The Gatehouse and become a monthly donor. Your support helps us to continue delivering peer support group programs to survivors online during the pandemic. You can donate one time or monthly by filling out the form below. Your donation helps to transform the lives of those victimized by childhood sexual abuse. Thank you for your support.

Mental Health During Times of Stress One of the most difficult challenges adults who have been impacted by sexual violence have is feeling safe and in control. Can you relate?  Here’s how you can improve the impact these uncontrollable times will have on your mental health and how you can support those around you. Watch for the signs of depression and anxiety With no exception, everyone is subject to experiencing depression and anxiety – there is no vaccine for these conditions. Situations such as isolation, loss of a job and for many of our program participants, past and present traumatic experiences can trigger these unwanted mental health conditions. Depression & anxiety can sneak up on you or someone you care about.  By identifying the signs you can take action.   Symptoms of depression & anxiety can include:   Trouble concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions Physical, emotional and mental fatigue Feelings of guilt, worthlessness and helplessness A negative outlook and hopelessness Troubles sleeping or sleeping too much Irritability & Restlessness Loss of interest in activities you once found pleasurable Weight loss or gain Feelings of being physically well without any cause (headaches, body aches, muscle tension). Digestion problems Persistent sadness anxiety Suicidal thoughts Take action to improve depression and anxiety Anxiety and depression may be a short term response to undesirable circumstances; can be a chemical imbalance, which requires medication; or can be a sign of something more complex and chronic such as PTSD. Regardless of the cause and degree of the condition there are steps you can take today to improve your symptoms. Take care of yourself – understand that your well being is your greatest priority, otherwise you can not be there for others. Be intentional and treat yourself like you care about yourself. Exercise – it’s no surprise that exercise is critical to your overall health. The fact is; exercise releases chemicals like endorphins and serotonin that improve your mood. It’s like having a natural antidepressant. It increases the flow of blood and oxygen to the brain which can help you think more clearly and improves the connections between the nerve cells in your brain, improving your problem solving abilities, emotions and creativity. Healthy eating – eating foods rich in vitamin and mineral; especially brain boosting B, C, D vitamins, magnesium and omega 3 fats; boosting memory, nerve connectivity, and the production and release of chemicals and hormones designed to help you feel and function better. Be kind to yourself and others – kind words and gestures such as a Facetime with a friend, picking up neighbours groceries or dropping off freshly baked cookies; produce actual mood boosting chemicals such as oxytocin – producing a feeling of well being. Be empathetic to others, also, know when you need a break from being the sounding board and implement healthy boundaries. Focus on what you can do and can control today and except that we are not in control of everything and everyone and never where. By accomplishing something, even if it’s small, your body will reward you with the release of dopamine – the “feel good” neurotransmitter. Even making your bed can have this result. Be mindful and present in the moment – Consider learning to meditate or do yoga. Enjoy that morning coffee, listen to the birds. Recognize and embrace simple pleasures. The practise of mediation has been known to shrink the amygdala (the fear producing  fight or flight areas of the brain), thus reducing anxious feelings.  Don’t be afraid to seek out help For the very same reasons you see your doctor when you are sick or hire a personal trainer to get fit. If you or someone you know is struggling with depression, anxiety or any other mental condition, there are an abundance of resources available online and wise and compassionate therapists who want to help.  By Sherry Slejska, CM Mental Health Advocate & Communicator .   Please consider making a donation to help The Gatehouse The Gatehouse, a community based charitable organization that provides much-needed support, resources, and community to survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Survivors of sexual abuse are in desperate need of our support and services and The Gatehouse relies on the generosity of individuals, foundations, and businesses to fund and expand our creative programs including peer support groups, art therapy, wellness workshops, conferences, and the investigation support program. You can donate one time or donate monthly. Your donation helps to transform the lives of those victimized by childhood sexual abuse. Use the form below donate. Thank you for your support.

Let’s Keep Kids Safe From Sexual Abuse We know that most incidents of child sexual abuse occur by someone the child knows and trusts. This might be a sibling, parent, caregiver or other trusted child or adult in their life. With the vast majority of our population now isolating themselves and families at home, at-risk children and youth are at greater risk. According to research, 1 in 10 Canadians reported being sexually victimized before they turned 18. This number reflects only 7% of the cases since 93% of child sexual abuse cases are never reported – that’s alarming! Here’s how you can reduce the risks: Educate yourself so that you fully understand the risks and situations this kind of violence occurs. We like some of the resources Canadian Centre for Child Protection has made available.  Pay attention to how children are interacting with each other and adults in their life and don’t ignore warning signs or that uncomfortable feeling we call instinct.  Talk about body parts early on in an age-appropriate way. Teach them the correct names and purpose of each part.   Teach children that some body parts are very private. They need to know that these special parts belong to them and are not for others to see or touch. They should know it’s ok if the doctor sees them and may sometimes need to touch but a parent would be with them if that is the case.  Teach about boundaries. Children need to know that no one should be asking to see or touch their parts and if they do, they should say no and tell someone. Again, unless it is medically necessary. Body secrets are not ok. Most abusers will tell a child that what they are asking to do or doing is a secret. Children need to learn what a good secret is (like a birthday gift) and bad secrets which might hurt them (sexual touching). No pictures or videos should ever be taken of their private body parts.  Teach your child how to get out of uncomfortable situations that do not seem right to them. They should know it’s ok to tell an adult and leave the area to a place they feel safe.  Tell them they will never get in trouble if they tell you about any of the above. They should know that secret touching of their private body parts may tickle or feel good. That is a normal function of that body part. They should still try to stop the touching if they can, and tell you about it. The rules apply to every person in their life. A child needs to know if their sibling, friend, uncle, neighbour, parent, teacher and so, ever touch them in their private parts, they need to tell you.Teaching children about their private bodies is a parents job, protecting and reporting any form of child abuse is everyone’s responsibility.   Written by Sherry Slejska, CM Mental Health Advocate and Communicator   Please consider making a donation to help The Gatehouse The Gatehouse, a community based charitable organization that provides much-needed support, resources, and community to survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Survivors of sexual abuse are in desperate need of our support and services and The Gatehouse relies on the generosity of individuals, foundations, and businesses to fund and expand our creative programs including peer support groups, art therapy, wellness workshops, conferences, and the investigation support program. You can donate one time or donate monthly. Your donation helps to transform the lives of those victimized by childhood sexual abuse. Use the form below donate. Thank you for your support.

Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training (ASIST) is a vital two-day course developed by LivingWorks Education, that covers the following: ASIST is a 2-day intensive, interactive and practice-dominated course designed to help individuals recognize the risk of suicide, and learn how to intervene to prevent the risk of suicidal thoughts from becoming suicidal behaviors. Suitable for all persons in positions of trust: health professionals, social service workers, teachers, counselors, youth workers, police and correctional staff, and community volunteers. Prepared caregivers can help prevent suicide. Includes a Suicide Intervention Handbook and a certificate. ASIST Workshop features: Presentations and guidance from two LivingWorks Education registered trainers A scientifically proven intervention model Powerful audiovisual learning aids Group discussions Skills practice and development A balance of challenge and safety Instructors: Brad and Paula Rate: $190 per person. 2020 Session Dates S3: Sat/Sun, May 30/31, 9:30am to 5:30pm CANCELLED due to COVID 19 S4: Sat/Sun, Oct.3/4, 9:30am to 5:30pm S5: Sat/Sun, Nov.7/8, 9:30am to 5:30pm For more information or to register, click: http://thegatehouse.org/asist-suicide-intervention-training/

Dear Gatehouse Community,                                                                             December 2019 Effective immediately, the Drop-In Group Thursday night group at The Gatehouse is being cancelled and will no longer be offered. The Gatehouse has limited resources and funding and at this time we are focusing our energy on offering and enhancing our core programs, Phase 1 Phase 2 and Partners. There are regular walk in accessible counselling resources in the community, which can be found at WHATS UP WALK-IN Locations across the city at  http://www.whatsupwalkin.ca/. Other resources are available in your local community may be found via E-Mental Health http://www.ementalhealth.ca/. Other programs available include: Paths of Courage – One week residential stay in Belleville. More info at www.pathsofcourage.com Canadian Centre for Men & Families – Peer support, counselling and groups for Male Survivors in Toronto https://menandfamilies.org/Canada-programs/ Crisis Resources in Toronto below: TORONTO DISTRESS CENTRE (416) 408-4357 or 408-HELP – Offers access to emotional support from the safety and security of the closest telephone. GERSTEIN CENTRE (416) 929-5200. Provides crisis intervention to adults, living in the City of Toronto, who experience mental health problems. The service has three aspects; telephone support, community visits and a ten-bed, short-stay residence. ASSAULTED WOMEN’S HELPLINE: 416-863-0511; Toll-Free 1-866-863-0511 for more than 25 years, the Assaulted Women’s Helpline has served as a free, anonymous and confidential 24-hour telephone and TTY crisis telephone line to all women. TORONTO RAPE CRISIS CENTRE/MULTICULTURAL WOMEN AGAINST RAPE: 416-597-8808; TEXT SUPPORT: 1-647-490-8822 ANISHNAWBE 24/7 MENTAL HEALTH CRISIS MANAGEMENT SERVICE: 416-891-8606 (Aboriginal clients) not only promotes Traditional Aboriginal practices but has affirmed and placed them at its core. Its model of health care is based on Traditional practices and approaches and are reflected in the design of its programs and services.                                                                                                                           – The Gatehouse

Dear Gatehouse Community, I am reaching out to you all today to announce the resignation of Brad Hutchinson effective as of October 18, 2019. Brad is leaving due to being offered another position with another company. Since Brad joined The Gatehouse team in 2014, he has been a valuable and well-respected member of our team, bringing wisdom and expertise in mindfulness. Meditation and mental health. We will miss Brad’s positive attitude, empathy, and professionalism. Furthermore, he will continue to deliver ASIST Suicide Intervention training in 2020 through The Gatehouse. We honour his decision and wish him all the best in his future endeavours. We are forever grateful to him for his insight, support and transformational energy that he brought to The Gatehouse over the past 5+ years in the roles of Executive Director and Lead Trainer/ASIST. On behalf of everyone at The Gatehouse please wish Brad all the best for the future. His email will remain active for 30 days and available if you would like to send him a message at [email protected] please feel free to do so. With utmost and sincere gratitude, Maria Barcelos Maria Barcelos, Executive Director, MA[c], B.A. Justice Studies, HRM Diploma & ASIST

On Saturday Dec. 7, 2019, The Gatehouse staff and volunteers helped to spread holiday cheer at the 29th Annual ETOBICOKE LAKESHORE SANTA CLAUS PARADE. Thank you to all The Gatehouse volunteers who helped out at the 2019 Lakeshore Santa Claus Parade.  Thank you, Stephanie Alves, Paula Cordeiro, Maria Barcelos, Denise Orth, Sherry Cayea, Marc Beaudry, Beau, Sarah B. Hayden, Zada, Amanda, Nicola Coles, Stewart Thompson, and David Orth.  We had a wonderful time walking, laughing, wishing a Merry Christmas, Feliz Natal and Joyeux Noel with you all! The parade is a wonderful community tradition, taking place on the first Saturday of December each year from 10am – 12pm  along Lakeshore Blvd. West 1st Street to 36th Street  followed by Skate With Santa 12pm – 4pm at Colonel Sam Smith Park  The parade attracts approximately 60,000 spectators as it travels along Lake Shore Blvd. W. from Royal York to 36th St. The parade starts at 10 a.m. at Dwight Ave. (just west of Royal York) and Lake Shore Blvd. W. and takes about an hour to complete the route at 33rd Street. After the parade, there is an event called Skate with Santa at the Skating Trail in Col. Sam Smith Park. The kids can take a selfie with Santa, there is live music, the Beaver Tails food truck will be present, and of course, the kids can go skating.

Hello everyone, On Sunday, October 20th, 17 team Gatehouse members walked/ran The Scotiabank Toronto Waterfront 5K. This event features three events: a marathon, a half marathon, and 5km run/walk. Each year we take part to raise awareness of the impact of childhood sexual abuse and the work of The Gatehouse in helping survivors to transform their lives from a place of capacity, hope and resilience.  We are truly grateful to our supporters, staff and volunteers who took part in the event. We could not do this without your support! See you in 2020!