Establishing Boundaries: Experiencing connection during the holidays

 Written By: Sienna Wallwork, Program Assistant, Completing Bsc. Family & Community Social Services and Social Service Worker Diploma 

It is important to establish and enforce boundaries as this is a way of giving yourself and your needs a voice, as well as protecting yourself from harmful or unhealthy behaviour. When setting boundaries, you may feel nervous that you will lose out on a sense of connection. There are ways to find a balance between the boundaries you have set and still being connected to those around you. 

First, it is vital that you know there is nothing wrong with having to set boundaries for the holidays (or ever, for that matter). Your healing journey is your own, and you are allowed to go about that journey however you see fit. If there are certain people you do not want contact with or certain events you cannot attend, there is nothing wrong with that and you do not need to feel bad. What is important is your own well-being. Additionally, even if you do decide to not attend an event or not contact certain people, there are ways to remain connected. 

First, ensure you have a support system with people who you will want to contact. This can include friends or family, anyone who you feel supported by and safe with. Find out what these people are up to during the holidays, and make plans based on that. See if you can grab coffee or see a movie with a loved one. You can even schedule check-in times during the holiday. Ask a loved one who knows you may be struggling during the holiday for one or two different times of the day that they are free for a brief check in. This can be a short phone call or text conversation, just to check in. This will alleviate feelings of isolation as you will know you have a conversation coming up with someone you enjoy talking to. 

Second, make sure to take time for things you enjoy. The holidays can be especially difficult for survivors and may bring back a lot of painful memories, so it is vital that you carve out some time for something you know will bring joy. This can be anything from watching your favourite movie, cooking your favourite recipe or just going for a walk. As long as it makes you feel good, that is what matters.  

Finally; know that you are not alone, even when it feels like it. If you are making the decision to opt out of events or gatherings and are worried about feeling isolated and alone, try to make plans for the day in advance so you know you have things to keep you busy. Schedule times to check in with your support system as well. A great way to keep yourself busy on a holiday and feel a sense of connection even when you are not spending it with anyone is to give back to the community. You could try volunteering at a local soup kitchen or other organization for the day. A lot of these organizations can get much busier around the holiday season, and your assistance would not go unappreciated.  

References 

Anthem. (2020, November 18). Staying connected to others during the Holidays. Anthem Blue Cross and Blue Shield. Retrieved August 24, 2022, from https://www.anthem.com/coronavirus/blog/well-being-and-community/staying-connected-to-others-during-the-holidays/  

Mandel, S. (n.d.). Boundaries are guidelines not walls. Sarah Mandel Therapy. Retrieved August 24, 2022, from https://www.sarahmandeltherapy.com/boundaries-guidelines-not-walls/  

Stone, R. (2019, December 12). How to set healthy boundaries with family during the holidays. Robin D. Stone, LMHC. Retrieved August 24, 2022, from https://www.robinstone.com/blog/2019/12/11/how-boundaries-can-cultivate-joy-during-the-holidays