Guilt and Shame Among Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse

By: Selina Mattison, Social Service Worker Diploma, Practicum Student, The Gatehouse 

Extreme shame and guilt are uncomfortable emotions that all survivors face. Two-thirds of children do not disclose their abuse. The shame caused by childhood sexual abuse can create a lack of self-worth and low self-esteem. It can also often make survivors internalize their abuse. So how do guilt and shame affect our brain? 

“Guilt and shame share some neural networks in the frontal and temporal areas of the brain, but their patterns are distinctly different. Guilt arises when your behavior conflicts with your conscience. Shame is triggered when we think we’ve damaged our reputation. During fMRI studies, German scientists from Ludwig-Maximilians-University in Munich found that shame set off high activity in the right part of the brain but not in the amygdala. In the guilt state, there was activity in the amygdala and frontal lobes but less neural activity in both brain hemispheres. The researchers concluded that shame, with its broad cultural and social factors, is a more complex emotion; guilt, on the other hand, is linked only to a person’s learned social standards.” 

Firstly, I feel it’s important to state that the blame for child sexual abuse lies only and always with the perpetrator and nobody else. However, there is scientific proof of why someone may feel otherwise. Shame being a more complex emotion makes a lot of sense. But why do we feel so much shame for acts that were done to us without our consent? If we saw a child who had broken their leg, we wouldn’t blame them for it, so why is abuse any different? I am going to attempt to understand this phenomenon—as it’s a common occurrence for survivors of CSA. 

It’s proven that it is difficult to manage the emotions surrounding abuse and shame. These feelings are often subconscious for survivors. Trauma changes your brain and your way of thinking. So how can we work through self-blame and shame? Shame and guilt aren’t emotions that will fully go away, but figuring out ways to manage them is key to allowing yourself to let go of shame and guilt. It isn’t a quick process, but over time these feelings of shame and guilt can become more manageable. 

What I found personally helpful in managing these feelings was talking to someone about my experience. But each person’s coping mechanisms may be different.  

Using positive affirmations may be able to help. Whenever you feel these emotions, choose an affirmation and repeat it as a mantra. Choose one thing you like about yourself and use it to help support you. Here are a few affirmations that may be helpful: “I am brave. I am a survivor. I am doing the best that I can. I am a kind person.” You may feel silly while doing it, but over time this can become a helpful ritual. 

You are worthy. Healing is Possible.  

References  

De Martino, B., Camerer, C. F., & Adolphs, R. (2013). Amygdala damage eliminates monetary loss aversion. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 110(15), 6617-6622. doi:10.1073/pnas.1219167110. Retrieved from https://www.pnas.org/doi/10.1073/pnas.1219167110#:~:text=The%20amygdala%20is%20commonly%20thought,to%20threatening%20or%20dangerous%20stimuli. 

Michl, P., Meindl, T., Meister, F., Born, C., Engel, R. R., & Reiser, M. (2016). The neural correlates of guilt and shame: A systematic review of neuroimaging studies. Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews, 71, 421-439. doi:10.1016/j.neubiorev. Retrieved from https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27687818/ 

Rape Crisis UK. (n.d.). Self-blame and guilt. Retrieved from https://rapecrisis.org.uk/get-help/tools-for-victims-and-survivors/self-blame-and-guilt/#:~:text=Whenever%20you%20feel%20thoughts%20of,feel%20more%20positive%20towards%20yourself 

Spring, C. (n.d.). Shame and child sexual abuse. Retrieved from https://www.carolynspring.com/blog/shame-and-child-sexual-abuse/ 

BrainFacts.org. (2019, September 12). Your brain on guilt and shame. Retrieved from https://www.brainfacts.org/thinking-sensing-and-behaving/emotions-stress-and-anxiety/2019/your-brain-on-guilt-and-shame-091219 

Victim Support. (2020). Shame and Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse [PDF]. Retrieved from https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/P2661CSA-survivors-shame.pdf